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Sad that you encounter “so many”, I never encountered any beyond myself with such a worry, and one interested and lucky lady later I lost that worry. If your l

Sad that you encounter “so many”, I never encountered any beyond myself with such a worry, and one interested and lucky lady later I lost that worry. If your looks truly put others off, or your vibe is just somehow wrong, or you somehow have a raging asshole living in your brain sabotaging your life, it sucks. The crowd you run with can help a lot, of course- Stephen Hawking was not your classic catch when he hooked up, and friends can teach you confidence and introduce you to open-minded others as well as lower your confidence and have no introductions to share. I’ve learned the last few years that depression has a huge spectrum, and cognitive distortions make one see things in a uselessly nonproductive way without actually seeming strong enough to be called “depression”. Demoralization is different/separate but plays poorly with depression too. So much of life is the total situation you are in, and migrating to a new one is not easy, harder as you get older.

jimmygrapes 5y ago
Yeah I understand, myself. I'm older, I've been through a lot, and I got through it (albeit roughly). I pray that the next few generations can, too, but as the article (and many others) point out, it isn't getting any easier for the young men of the U.S. and I can't imagine it's much different in other similar countries. I can't very well say "well, just be attractive/funny/rich" and expect that to cure the utter despair that these guys perceive. What it comes down to is that chemical bliss, sometimes leading to excess and sometimes leading to death in some cases, is a preferable choice to trying to figure out a world that changed so rapidly that not even a teenager can keep up. It's very tempting to blame feminism or media frenzy or whatever else, because there aren't really any changes to humanity itself in such a short time frame.
- quantified 5y ago
  Oh absolutely. During the 80’s, when the media was focused on all the problems of the urban ghettoes and the crack epidemic, I thought that if the ghetto is that bleak, and jobs that scarce, escaping to crack or heroin made sense. Crack was real, and the media was probably in scare-people mode, please don’t jump on me. Just what I thought. We have more people and less need for them than ever. If no one needs you, it’s easier to escape and if you die so what? Not that guys will always be there for their families anyway, but at least most try and without those families, no need to try. Psychedelic therapy might be the answer. Just a thought.

jimmygrapes 5y ago

Yeah I understand, myself. I'm older, I've been through a lot, and I got through it (albeit roughly). I pray that the next few generations can, too, but as the article (and many others) point out, it isn't getting any easier for the young men of the U.S. and I can't imagine it's much different in other similar countries. I can't very well say "well, just be attractive/funny/rich" and expect that to cure the utter despair that these guys perceive. What it comes down to is that chemical bliss, sometimes leading to excess and sometimes leading to death in some cases, is a preferable choice to trying to figure out a world that changed so rapidly that not even a teenager can keep up. It's very tempting to blame feminism or media frenzy or whatever else, because there aren't really any changes to humanity itself in such a short time frame.

quantified 5y ago
Oh absolutely. During the 80’s, when the media was focused on all the problems of the urban ghettoes and the crack epidemic, I thought that if the ghetto is that bleak, and jobs that scarce, escaping to crack or heroin made sense. Crack was real, and the media was probably in scare-people mode, please don’t jump on me. Just what I thought. We have more people and less need for them than ever. If no one needs you, it’s easier to escape and if you die so what? Not that guys will always be there for their families anyway, but at least most try and without those families, no need to try. Psychedelic therapy might be the answer. Just a thought.