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It's funny, I had a similar idea before reading either of these stories, and wrote my own version: http://i.saac.me/reincarnation.txt http://i.saac.me/reincarna
by IsaacL 15y ago
It's funny, I had a similar idea before reading either of these stories, and wrote my own version: http://i.saac.me/reincarnation.txt http://i.saac.me/reincarnation.txt
I'd like to know what people think, since I haven't shown it to anyone before. I don't write fiction often and was experimenting with the writing style, and I'm not sure if it's too over-written.
- jackpirate 15y agoOverall, the story is verbose, and I think it would be much improved if you shortened it by 25-50%. In the beginning, you use too many pronouns ("he" or "him" is in nearly every sentence). I liked the juxtaposition of changing to she half way through. Maybe you could also add 1st and 2nd person narratives for more variety. Similarly, the first usage of sentence fragments was a good change of pacefrom the stilted introduction, but I think you started overusing it towards the end. If you replaced some of the narrative with dialog, you might solve these problems. But be careful not to get too close to the style of "the egg." Keep it up! I love fiction like this that tries to tackle deep topics.