4 ms·

Thanks for the thoughtful feedback. I definitely think part of it is above-average background stress - queer woman, sole breadwinner for my household, grew up p

Thanks for the thoughtful feedback. I definitely think part of it is above-average background stress - queer woman, sole breadwinner for my household, grew up poor, we've had a lot of emergency expenses and unexpected health problems the last few years. Our finances aren't terrible, but the past year has eaten away a lot of the cushion I had built up from my last successful role. Objectively the rest of my life outside work has been extremely stressful, and I'm scared of losing my job.

mentalwealth55 5y ago
Got it-- new info, of course Also sounds like you're an earner, survivor, tough-as-nails individual too
mrj 5y ago
I'm sorry to hear that. I feel for you because I hear echos of burn out that I have struggled with in what you wrote. The good news is that recovery is possible. After burning out hard many years ago, I took a long break but found that code called me back. I was doing Open Source work just because I enjoyed it. The thing is, you have a lot of stress to deal with and you've been joining some seriously stressful job situations. I've found that burnout happens not because of working (most of us are lucky and enjoy this work), but because of a outside factors, often because of a lack of control. Burnout can happen because the work feels meaningless. I know if I am stressing out over something I don't believe in or endless projects that fail to move the needle, I will lose interest in the work. To compound things, you have a completely unrealistic expectation of success. Retiring at 30 is hitting the lotto--and that even already happened to you. Though you said you wished you had held on to the stock, you got your big exit already. You bought a house. Congrats! That is far more successful than most of us. I've been working for 20 years and never had this. I pump out a ton of code, it's not about being good, exits like that are about being at the right place and getting lucky. You are expecting to get hit by lightening again and that's not reasonable. If you're open to it, working out expectations like this is where a CBT therapist is good. They will hear those "should" statements about yourself and help set realistic expectations of yourself. They are like mind debuggers and I think you might thrive with the right thinking because you have already been super successful. You have done great things, you just aren't seeing them. I would also recommend that startups are not the place for you until your life is less stressful. Big companies might be out, too, because you control so little of the output and there can be a ton of competition, they can be crazy stressful, too. Find a medium sized company with happy employees and punch that clock for a while. You've got enough to deal with. Good luck to you! My email is in my profile if you'd like to talk.

mentalwealth55 5y ago

Got it-- new info, of course Also sounds like you're an earner, survivor, tough-as-nails individual too

mrj 5y ago

I'm sorry to hear that. I feel for you because I hear echos of burn out that I have struggled with in what you wrote. The good news is that recovery is possible. After burning out hard many years ago, I took a long break but found that code called me back. I was doing Open Source work just because I enjoyed it. The thing is, you have a lot of stress to deal with and you've been joining some seriously stressful job situations. I've found that burnout happens not because of working (most of us are lucky and enjoy this work), but because of a outside factors, often because of a lack of control. Burnout can happen because the work feels meaningless. I know if I am stressing out over something I don't believe in or endless projects that fail to move the needle, I will lose interest in the work. To compound things, you have a completely unrealistic expectation of success. Retiring at 30 is hitting the lotto--and that even already happened to you. Though you said you wished you had held on to the stock, you got your big exit already. You bought a house. Congrats! That is far more successful than most of us. I've been working for 20 years and never had this. I pump out a ton of code, it's not about being good, exits like that are about being at the right place and getting lucky. You are expecting to get hit by lightening again and that's not reasonable. If you're open to it, working out expectations like this is where a CBT therapist is good. They will hear those "should" statements about yourself and help set realistic expectations of yourself. They are like mind debuggers and I think you might thrive with the right thinking because you have already been super successful. You have done great things, you just aren't seeing them. I would also recommend that startups are not the place for you until your life is less stressful. Big companies might be out, too, because you control so little of the output and there can be a ton of competition, they can be crazy stressful, too. Find a medium sized company with happy employees and punch that clock for a while. You've got enough to deal with. Good luck to you! My email is in my profile if you'd like to talk.