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>>As a manager, how do you tell someone to "stop standing near people and/or looking at people" "Hey, I've gotten some complaints about people feeling uncomfor

>>As a manager, how do you tell someone to "stop standing near people and/or looking at people" "Hey, I've gotten some complaints about people feeling uncomfortable around you. Specifically that you have a tendency to stand too close, and stare too long at people's screens." There are two ways I can see this going right off the bat. The Sten is either confused about the nature of the problem (maybe does not recall a time that sounds like this, or does not understand that it is a problem) OR the Sten understands that the behavior is problematic but sees it as not his problem (starts to justify it or otherwise excuse it). The first case is easier, presuming the Sten does not wish to make others uncomfortable. You can explain some etiquette or tips to address the situation (its polite to verbally introduce yourself when getting into some ones personal space, its polite to express curiosity and ask to read or know more about another's work), you can simply ask them to be conscious of the feedback. The second case is more difficult but still involves telling the Sten what the social expectations are.

pvaldes 5y ago
> You have a tendency to stand too close, and stare too long at people's screens This behavior describes perfectly a myopic person
ryandrake 5y ago
Thanks! After hours of downvoting, yours is the first response to actually answer my question with a thoughtful, actionable way to address the feedback about Sten in OP's scenario. Given the number of, shall we say, socially awkward people in tech, it's entirely believable that Sten had no idea that silently watching someone work could make them uncomfortable. We've all worked with people who were a little "off" socially but without ill intent. Social/etiquette rules are messy and inconsistent, and they don't come naturally to everyone. I know I'd have a hard time articulating feedback like: This kind of looking is good, this kind is bad. You can make eye contact with people at work, but don't hold it more than N seconds. You can stand near people but no less than N meters, and not directly facing them. You don't often see that level of detail in HR training literature. Maybe in OP's example there actually was ill intent, and maybe there wasn't. Hard to tell given the text. I think it's a marvelous skill to be able to delicately address someone else's "creepy behavior" when you aren't sure of the intent behind it.

pvaldes 5y ago

> You have a tendency to stand too close, and stare too long at people's screens This behavior describes perfectly a myopic person

ryandrake 5y ago

Thanks! After hours of downvoting, yours is the first response to actually answer my question with a thoughtful, actionable way to address the feedback about Sten in OP's scenario. Given the number of, shall we say, socially awkward people in tech, it's entirely believable that Sten had no idea that silently watching someone work could make them uncomfortable. We've all worked with people who were a little "off" socially but without ill intent. Social/etiquette rules are messy and inconsistent, and they don't come naturally to everyone. I know I'd have a hard time articulating feedback like: This kind of looking is good, this kind is bad. You can make eye contact with people at work, but don't hold it more than N seconds. You can stand near people but no less than N meters, and not directly facing them. You don't often see that level of detail in HR training literature. Maybe in OP's example there actually was ill intent, and maybe there wasn't. Hard to tell given the text. I think it's a marvelous skill to be able to delicately address someone else's "creepy behavior" when you aren't sure of the intent behind it.