4 ms·

The masking thing has a subtile but real cost. It works great, I have (apparently) high natural charisma, it allows me to mask my peculiarities somewhat easier

by Aloha 5y ago

The masking thing has a subtile but real cost. It works great, I have (apparently) high natural charisma, it allows me to mask my peculiarities somewhat easier - but at some point when I'm tired enough, or hungry enough, or stressed enough, or some combination of those thought enough, I lose that ability to mask - then all hell breaks loose.

cutemonster 5y ago
Maybe a silly question, but does this: > all hell breaks loose mean that you get angry?
- Aloha 5y ago
  Hrm, yes, but not always, sometimes I just turn into a.. emotional mess, or I get so overwhelmed I cannot decide anything, and need help to even meet my basic needs. It means the mask drops, and people see me getting angry, being less than composed, not being polished.. whatever it is I don't want them to see.
hasmolo 5y ago
it's not traditional masking for me when i do this, i find it to be more of a limit to my ability to control the abuse responses I have. i'm not trying to 'pass' as a normal person, i'm trying to prevent myself from being the monster that raised me. when i get exhausted by it, i too can crack! luckily it's gotten better, and i now just kinda sit in my abuse response. knowing that keeping my cool is the only thing that can prevent my parents generational trauma being passed on. it's exhausting, and you're doing a great job to be able to recognize it! i too started my journey with a list of situations in which i got shitty like you have, and ended it realizing i just need those in my life to give me the same pass i give them if i regress. good luck to you on finding a solution that helps!
- Aloha 5y ago
  That hit a little closer to home than I wanted it to. Yeah, its partially the same thing for me. I can't tell if the abuse was was made worse by my peculiar brain malfunctions, or gave me better skills for coping. I think it it might be both.

by Aloha 5y ago

cutemonster 5y ago

Maybe a silly question, but does this: > all hell breaks loose mean that you get angry?

Aloha 5y ago
Hrm, yes, but not always, sometimes I just turn into a.. emotional mess, or I get so overwhelmed I cannot decide anything, and need help to even meet my basic needs. It means the mask drops, and people see me getting angry, being less than composed, not being polished.. whatever it is I don't want them to see.

hasmolo 5y ago

it's not traditional masking for me when i do this, i find it to be more of a limit to my ability to control the abuse responses I have. i'm not trying to 'pass' as a normal person, i'm trying to prevent myself from being the monster that raised me. when i get exhausted by it, i too can crack! luckily it's gotten better, and i now just kinda sit in my abuse response. knowing that keeping my cool is the only thing that can prevent my parents generational trauma being passed on. it's exhausting, and you're doing a great job to be able to recognize it! i too started my journey with a list of situations in which i got shitty like you have, and ended it realizing i just need those in my life to give me the same pass i give them if i regress. good luck to you on finding a solution that helps!

Aloha 5y ago
That hit a little closer to home than I wanted it to. Yeah, its partially the same thing for me. I can't tell if the abuse was was made worse by my peculiar brain malfunctions, or gave me better skills for coping. I think it it might be both.