3 ms·

We're all terminal, but I can't help but think that a terminal diagnosis gives people a clarity that the rest of us lack. It's easy to be on autopilot when how

We're all terminal, but I can't help but think that a terminal diagnosis gives people a clarity that the rest of us lack. It's easy to be on autopilot when how much time you have is unknown.

colordrops 5y ago
Very wise comment. Furthermore this autopilot has gradations, where one may consciously recognize that nobody gets out of this alive, but the changes made are of differing levels of determination depending on how intense the sense of the inevitable.
- nefitty 5y ago
  I welcome the feeling that I may be the first person in history to not die. I've tried the opposite, holding my mortality close to my chest. The crippling existential terror was not worth whatever "authenticity" it came along with.
beardedman 5y ago
Very true.
MrDresden 5y ago
My partner got diagnosed with early stage lymphoma in '19 and it had a drastic effect in our outlook on life. After treatment and full remission in '20 we shifted some aspects of our lives as a result. Some of those changes would have fairly significant long lasting outcomes over the rest of our lives (started trying for a child, became more open and true to our most intimate inner selfs and more). But mostly we stuck to the normal routine. Working too much. Stressing over trivial things. Having time and energy be sapped away by the thousand cuts one has during a working week. Then she had a second cancer diagnoses in august '21. Completely unrelated to the prior one and the treatment she received. It was also in its early stage, but turned out to have metastasized to a lymph node. That triggered a full protocol of chemo and radiation. Our future is now permanently changed. We will not be capable of having children together due to the effects of the treatment. Even though we are very hopeful, there is a considerable risk of recurrence in the next few years. Which according to the doctors would be untreatable due to the amount of radiation she has now already had. The autopilot is completely turned off by now. We are updating our bucket lists and planning to quit or changing to jobs that will allow us to live a slower more adventurous life where more of our time is spent together rather then in an endless pursuit of material goods (or commuting to an office space devoid of all creativity and inspiration). We may even try out life in a van for a few months. And the thing is that while all this is going on, we are both extremely sad about the lost opportunities of starting a family, while also being incredibly glad that the treatment went well and that the prospects for the future are good (her odds of having a recurrence are among the lowest for the type of cancer she had given numerous parameters). We are now focused on truly living this life to the fullest, which to be honest wasn't so much the case mere 6 months ago.
- deleted 5y ago
  [deleted]
meheleventyone 5y ago
I had a completely out of the blue heart attack last year and it's very weird to have gone from feeling fit and healthy to that and then back again. I find it quite weird because its such a profound thing to be let down by your own body. Particularly when I live pretty healthily and exercise a lot. I was even swimming when I had the heart attack! Unlike other brushes with death I've had skiing and driving you lose an element of trust in yourself. It's not given me clarity so much as muddled everything up because it was so random and there is nothing in my power to do about it. I think mentally I'd have preferred a worse diagnosis, that I had a congenital or chronic problem, at least it would be understandable and I could feel like I was doing something to avoid it. But instead I'm really back where I started with a looming fear. In reality it's a problem anyone could have I was just unlucky enough to have it.

We're all terminal, but I can't help but think that a terminal diagnosis gives people a clarity that the rest of us lack. It's easy to be on autopilot when how much time you have is unknown.

colordrops 5y ago

Very wise comment. Furthermore this autopilot has gradations, where one may consciously recognize that nobody gets out of this alive, but the changes made are of differing levels of determination depending on how intense the sense of the inevitable.

nefitty 5y ago
I welcome the feeling that I may be the first person in history to not die. I've tried the opposite, holding my mortality close to my chest. The crippling existential terror was not worth whatever "authenticity" it came along with.

beardedman 5y ago

Very true.

MrDresden 5y ago

My partner got diagnosed with early stage lymphoma in '19 and it had a drastic effect in our outlook on life. After treatment and full remission in '20 we shifted some aspects of our lives as a result. Some of those changes would have fairly significant long lasting outcomes over the rest of our lives (started trying for a child, became more open and true to our most intimate inner selfs and more). But mostly we stuck to the normal routine. Working too much. Stressing over trivial things. Having time and energy be sapped away by the thousand cuts one has during a working week. Then she had a second cancer diagnoses in august '21. Completely unrelated to the prior one and the treatment she received. It was also in its early stage, but turned out to have metastasized to a lymph node. That triggered a full protocol of chemo and radiation. Our future is now permanently changed. We will not be capable of having children together due to the effects of the treatment. Even though we are very hopeful, there is a considerable risk of recurrence in the next few years. Which according to the doctors would be untreatable due to the amount of radiation she has now already had. The autopilot is completely turned off by now. We are updating our bucket lists and planning to quit or changing to jobs that will allow us to live a slower more adventurous life where more of our time is spent together rather then in an endless pursuit of material goods (or commuting to an office space devoid of all creativity and inspiration). We may even try out life in a van for a few months. And the thing is that while all this is going on, we are both extremely sad about the lost opportunities of starting a family, while also being incredibly glad that the treatment went well and that the prospects for the future are good (her odds of having a recurrence are among the lowest for the type of cancer she had given numerous parameters). We are now focused on truly living this life to the fullest, which to be honest wasn't so much the case mere 6 months ago.

deleted 5y ago
[deleted]

meheleventyone 5y ago

I had a completely out of the blue heart attack last year and it's very weird to have gone from feeling fit and healthy to that and then back again. I find it quite weird because its such a profound thing to be let down by your own body. Particularly when I live pretty healthily and exercise a lot. I was even swimming when I had the heart attack! Unlike other brushes with death I've had skiing and driving you lose an element of trust in yourself. It's not given me clarity so much as muddled everything up because it was so random and there is nothing in my power to do about it. I think mentally I'd have preferred a worse diagnosis, that I had a congenital or chronic problem, at least it would be understandable and I could feel like I was doing something to avoid it. But instead I'm really back where I started with a looming fear. In reality it's a problem anyone could have I was just unlucky enough to have it.