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I am not trying to diagnose you, so I'll just say that from my experience as someone suffering from depression, I would think of "the idea of dying most night"

I am not trying to diagnose you, so I'll just say that from my experience as someone suffering from depression, I would think of "the idea of dying most night" during a depression episode, but not when it was over, and definitely not every night. Until I started treatment for my depression I was very puzzled by the idea that some people might NOT think of death every day. Again, not trying to suggest you necessary suffer from depression, but if you have any other depression-related symptoms, it might be wise to get it checked.

iamstupidsimple 5y ago
During the COVID lockdown I went through a traumatic experience (specifically lockdown and the death of a family member from COVID), and I started thinking exactly like GP and you are describing. I didn't seek therapy either as it was only available over Zoom which I really didn't have the palette for given my WFH job already demanded a lot of that. Looking back after talking it through with somebody, it was almost certainly a form of severe depression.
DarknessFalls 5y ago
I have concerns about dying daily, and perhaps hourly. I don't consider myself a depressed person, but someone who is at a philosophical crossroads. I can't come to terms with the finite nature of our existence and I am not sure I would characterize someone who was ok with it as "normal". I would say complacent, perhaps unimaginative, or too focused on their day to day affairs. I would love to rid myself of this rumination, but it's been with me all my life.
- poszlem 5y ago
  You are describing exactly me before my depression treatment kicked in. I would also call that a "rumination" and there were times when I though being one of the few people who SEE what the world really is like was somehow good for me. It wasn't. In my case it was depression/axiety/OCD. I still know that life is a paradox, but I don't ruminate about it since there isn't anything I can change by thinking about it all the time. There is a great quote from Ernest Becker: "The neurotic opts out of life because he is having trouble maintaining his illusions about it, which proves nothing less than that life is possible only with illusions."
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iamstupidsimple 5y ago

During the COVID lockdown I went through a traumatic experience (specifically lockdown and the death of a family member from COVID), and I started thinking exactly like GP and you are describing. I didn't seek therapy either as it was only available over Zoom which I really didn't have the palette for given my WFH job already demanded a lot of that. Looking back after talking it through with somebody, it was almost certainly a form of severe depression.

DarknessFalls 5y ago

I have concerns about dying daily, and perhaps hourly. I don't consider myself a depressed person, but someone who is at a philosophical crossroads. I can't come to terms with the finite nature of our existence and I am not sure I would characterize someone who was ok with it as "normal". I would say complacent, perhaps unimaginative, or too focused on their day to day affairs. I would love to rid myself of this rumination, but it's been with me all my life.

poszlem 5y ago
You are describing exactly me before my depression treatment kicked in. I would also call that a "rumination" and there were times when I though being one of the few people who SEE what the world really is like was somehow good for me. It wasn't. In my case it was depression/axiety/OCD. I still know that life is a paradox, but I don't ruminate about it since there isn't anything I can change by thinking about it all the time. There is a great quote from Ernest Becker: "The neurotic opts out of life because he is having trouble maintaining his illusions about it, which proves nothing less than that life is possible only with illusions."

deleted 5y ago

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