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How come educated people aren’t accustomed to the idea of dying? Is it only me that thinks of it most nights? Sometimes I feel like our lives is like a finished

How come educated people aren’t accustomed to the idea of dying? Is it only me that thinks of it most nights? Sometimes I feel like our lives is like a finished computer game, a watched movie, an old pc we had, a dream of a past life… our short lives are going to end soon and we can’t avoid it. Ok, I get it that there are some unlucky/bad situations, like the one described in the article, where the end is nearer that the normal case, but this doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t be aware of our ephemeral lives. Just don’t get obsessed with the idea of death and try to live a better life (in whatever way makes sense for you).

trustfundbaby 5y ago
> Is it only me that thinks of it most nights? yes
- marton78 5y ago
  No.
type0 5y ago
Probably an anecdote but in the medieval times people often had a human scull on their desk to remind them of their own mortality, sometimes it's good to be able to think: live now while you can.
- metadat 5y ago
  I didn't know medieval folks had many desks, given they couldn't read or write. https://www.google.com/search?q=midieval+desk+human+skull https://www.google.com/search?q=midieval+desk+human+skull Doesn't come up in search.
  - type0 5y ago
    monks and feudal elites
deleted 5y ago
[deleted]
poszlem 5y ago
I am not trying to diagnose you, so I'll just say that from my experience as someone suffering from depression, I would think of "the idea of dying most night" during a depression episode, but not when it was over, and definitely not every night. Until I started treatment for my depression I was very puzzled by the idea that some people might NOT think of death every day. Again, not trying to suggest you necessary suffer from depression, but if you have any other depression-related symptoms, it might be wise to get it checked.
- iamstupidsimple 5y ago
  During the COVID lockdown I went through a traumatic experience (specifically lockdown and the death of a family member from COVID), and I started thinking exactly like GP and you are describing. I didn't seek therapy either as it was only available over Zoom which I really didn't have the palette for given my WFH job already demanded a lot of that. Looking back after talking it through with somebody, it was almost certainly a form of severe depression.
- DarknessFalls 5y ago
  I have concerns about dying daily, and perhaps hourly. I don't consider myself a depressed person, but someone who is at a philosophical crossroads. I can't come to terms with the finite nature of our existence and I am not sure I would characterize someone who was ok with it as "normal". I would say complacent, perhaps unimaginative, or too focused on their day to day affairs. I would love to rid myself of this rumination, but it's been with me all my life.
  - poszlem 5y ago
    You are describing exactly me before my depression treatment kicked in. I would also call that a "rumination" and there were times when I though being one of the few people who SEE what the world really is like was somehow good for me. It wasn't. In my case it was depression/axiety/OCD. I still know that life is a paradox, but I don't ruminate about it since there isn't anything I can change by thinking about it all the time. There is a great quote from Ernest Becker: "The neurotic opts out of life because he is having trouble maintaining his illusions about it, which proves nothing less than that life is possible only with illusions."
jeroenhd 5y ago
> Is it only me that thinks of it most nights? I'm sure everybody ponders about life and death sometimes, but I don't think it's common to think about it every night. Perhaps as we age, or as our health declines, the subject comes up more often as death is merely the natural consequence of life and we cannot pretend it won't happen to us when the signs of our deteriorating bodies are all too clear. However, I do not believe (mentally?) healthy people below a certain age ponder their mortality every single night. I've heard people say they're reminded of their mortality more when they get children who depend on them, but even then I don't think it's a daily occurrence for them. We worry about what we think is likely to happen to us, mostly in the short term. For many, if not most, people alive, death is not something we expect to see around the corner just yet. Perhaps some people are more prone to think in the (very) long term and there's definitely a philosophical component to these things. Sadly, there are also many that go through depressive episodes who will also often turn their attention to their deaths. However, from what I've seen, I think you're part of the minority.
- throwaway4436 5y ago
  > However, I do not believe (mentally?) healthy people below a certain age ponder their mortality every single night. Then you are wrong, depending on how you define healthy and what age you're thinking about. Both myself and a close friend used to ponder our own mortalities frequently as adolescents. I still do ponder my lack of existence after death, though not as often. The reason is mostly that I have less free time on my hands because I have to work. Not a tradeoff I'm happy with. That was two decades ago and neither of us would be considered (abnormally?) unhealthy, either mentally or physically. Also worth noting we met a decade ago, so neither of us spurred the other.
tomrod 5y ago
Highly recommend A Social History of Dying by Allan Kellehear https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/4332920-a-social-history-of-dying https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/4332920-a-social-history...

trustfundbaby 5y ago

> Is it only me that thinks of it most nights? yes

marton78 5y ago
No.

type0 5y ago

Probably an anecdote but in the medieval times people often had a human scull on their desk to remind them of their own mortality, sometimes it's good to be able to think: live now while you can.

metadat 5y ago
I didn't know medieval folks had many desks, given they couldn't read or write. https://www.google.com/search?q=midieval+desk+human+skull https://www.google.com/search?q=midieval+desk+human+skull Doesn't come up in search.
- type0 5y ago
  monks and feudal elites

deleted 5y ago

[deleted]

poszlem 5y ago

I am not trying to diagnose you, so I'll just say that from my experience as someone suffering from depression, I would think of "the idea of dying most night" during a depression episode, but not when it was over, and definitely not every night. Until I started treatment for my depression I was very puzzled by the idea that some people might NOT think of death every day. Again, not trying to suggest you necessary suffer from depression, but if you have any other depression-related symptoms, it might be wise to get it checked.

iamstupidsimple 5y ago
During the COVID lockdown I went through a traumatic experience (specifically lockdown and the death of a family member from COVID), and I started thinking exactly like GP and you are describing. I didn't seek therapy either as it was only available over Zoom which I really didn't have the palette for given my WFH job already demanded a lot of that. Looking back after talking it through with somebody, it was almost certainly a form of severe depression.
DarknessFalls 5y ago
I have concerns about dying daily, and perhaps hourly. I don't consider myself a depressed person, but someone who is at a philosophical crossroads. I can't come to terms with the finite nature of our existence and I am not sure I would characterize someone who was ok with it as "normal". I would say complacent, perhaps unimaginative, or too focused on their day to day affairs. I would love to rid myself of this rumination, but it's been with me all my life.
- poszlem 5y ago
  You are describing exactly me before my depression treatment kicked in. I would also call that a "rumination" and there were times when I though being one of the few people who SEE what the world really is like was somehow good for me. It wasn't. In my case it was depression/axiety/OCD. I still know that life is a paradox, but I don't ruminate about it since there isn't anything I can change by thinking about it all the time. There is a great quote from Ernest Becker: "The neurotic opts out of life because he is having trouble maintaining his illusions about it, which proves nothing less than that life is possible only with illusions."

jeroenhd 5y ago

> Is it only me that thinks of it most nights? I'm sure everybody ponders about life and death sometimes, but I don't think it's common to think about it every night. Perhaps as we age, or as our health declines, the subject comes up more often as death is merely the natural consequence of life and we cannot pretend it won't happen to us when the signs of our deteriorating bodies are all too clear. However, I do not believe (mentally?) healthy people below a certain age ponder their mortality every single night. I've heard people say they're reminded of their mortality more when they get children who depend on them, but even then I don't think it's a daily occurrence for them. We worry about what we think is likely to happen to us, mostly in the short term. For many, if not most, people alive, death is not something we expect to see around the corner just yet. Perhaps some people are more prone to think in the (very) long term and there's definitely a philosophical component to these things. Sadly, there are also many that go through depressive episodes who will also often turn their attention to their deaths. However, from what I've seen, I think you're part of the minority.

throwaway4436 5y ago
> However, I do not believe (mentally?) healthy people below a certain age ponder their mortality every single night. Then you are wrong, depending on how you define healthy and what age you're thinking about. Both myself and a close friend used to ponder our own mortalities frequently as adolescents. I still do ponder my lack of existence after death, though not as often. The reason is mostly that I have less free time on my hands because I have to work. Not a tradeoff I'm happy with. That was two decades ago and neither of us would be considered (abnormally?) unhealthy, either mentally or physically. Also worth noting we met a decade ago, so neither of us spurred the other.

tomrod 5y ago

Highly recommend A Social History of Dying by Allan Kellehear https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/4332920-a-social-history-of-dying https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/4332920-a-social-history...