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It happened to me. I am not going to give you a wise answer, but a realistic one from someone with the same fears as yourself. Like you, I had a really good an

It happened to me. I am not going to give you a wise answer, but a realistic one from someone with the same fears as yourself. Like you, I had a really good and genuine relationship with those people, some were also looking up to me for career inspiration and advice (I am a senior technical leader with patents, great professional achievements, …). One IPO that put them in the $20m, out of complete luck (they were hired as simple individual contributors on “plain” projects) changed everything. One time, after the IPO and a few quarters of the stock rising, I was told by one of them: “why do you work so hard rather than choosing a good pre IPO company and stay at the bottom and chill and retire in a couple years?” No shit. That was the last straw. I cut all those people off my life because it was too painful to witness their change in lifestyle and attitude, and how they kept subtly rubbing it in my face at every social event, implying that their course of events was all part of a smart master plan, rather than 99% dumb luck. I am sad for losing those connections and I have wonderful memories of the time together (vacations, “bro” trips, …), but overall I am happy about this choice, to me it’s as if the people they once were effectively died as the IPO happened. I have done financially very well but it’s not comparable to their level, and the effort and sacrifices required from my side was easily 10X theirs. I know this should be obvious in adulthood, but life is not fair at all. I am also aware of how privileged my position is (for now), compared to the people dying of cancer in their 30s, so I don’t let it affect me too much.

mc32 5y ago
I agree. There are two parts. One one's feelings --which one can control or perhaps at least control whether one is subject to the source of frustration. Jealousy can definitely be an issue if one finds oneself to be inadequate compared to where one could imagine oneself. The other is the second party's attitude. And, to some extent, the second party should also more or less be themselves --that is, don't apologize for where you find yourself but also don't be completely oblivious and offend by not being aware of the situation. Have decent manners. So, if the above are intractable, I would likely find another set of friends one is more comfortable being around. People can outgrow each other. It happens frequently.
chillacy 5y ago
To be analytical about this, the question about luck vs skill is a narrative which can't be proven or disproven (short of having a time machine), but both parties in this story happen to hold the version which makes would make the other feel bad, and this story comes with a status shift, so I'm not surprised at the fallout. Anyways after seeing how things shake up in my own life, I like to joke that I would rather be lucky than anything else.

mc32 5y ago

I agree. There are two parts. One one's feelings --which one can control or perhaps at least control whether one is subject to the source of frustration. Jealousy can definitely be an issue if one finds oneself to be inadequate compared to where one could imagine oneself. The other is the second party's attitude. And, to some extent, the second party should also more or less be themselves --that is, don't apologize for where you find yourself but also don't be completely oblivious and offend by not being aware of the situation. Have decent manners. So, if the above are intractable, I would likely find another set of friends one is more comfortable being around. People can outgrow each other. It happens frequently.

chillacy 5y ago

To be analytical about this, the question about luck vs skill is a narrative which can't be proven or disproven (short of having a time machine), but both parties in this story happen to hold the version which makes would make the other feel bad, and this story comes with a status shift, so I'm not surprised at the fallout. Anyways after seeing how things shake up in my own life, I like to joke that I would rather be lucky than anything else.