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This sounds like a bit of a travel novel fantasy to me. Always the same obsession with meeting the “real” people of the place and making an “authentic “ connect

This sounds like a bit of a travel novel fantasy to me. Always the same obsession with meeting the “real” people of the place and making an “authentic “ connection. Fact is, most people have no interest in hanging with or babysitting a tourist for free. They have their own lives, routines, friends and hobbies to focus on. They have no need for your naïve perspective on their hometown. They have no interest in being a prop for your instagram or character in your stories. Other travelers are the perfect people to connect with. They are sharing your same moment and need to experience or consume a place. You have a shared interest in travel and specifically travel to this place. They are much more likely to be open to a new an temporary connection to spend the day with and will be open to trading the information that tourists need to navigate and experience a place.

koonsolo 5y ago
Sorry, but that is not my experience at all. There are a lot of people who are proud of where they live, and want to help you out in finding the best (non-touristic) spots.
- spookthesunset 5y ago
  > and want to help you out in finding the best (non-touristic) spots. Not attacking you but what does "non-touristic" even mean though? If you wanna not be a tourist and "live like the locals" get a job and an apartment there and stay a while. If you are only there for a week you'll always be a tourist living like a tourist--you are a transient visitor and nothing more. In my book, to not be a tourist and "live like a local" you'll need to immerse yourself in all the mundane, routine things people in that area do like: - Get a drivers license & register your car (if you have one) - Get a haircut - Go to the doctors office and the dentist - Purchase a new pair of shoes - Take your pet to the dentist - Have a meaningful opinion on some local political issue (I'd say vote, but that isn't always possible without actually being a citizen) - Go grocery shopping and purchase household sundries like toilet paper, paper towels, cleaning spray, brooms, etc. - Get mail and packages delivered to your residence - Speak to people in the native language. Be able to read it too. I dunno. I've traveled more than the average person and I kinda think trying to "experience things like a local" just isn't possible or even desirable. You are a visitor. Embrace it. Only by moving there and living the mundane parts of life can you truly "live like a local". That being said, I do understand the desire to escape the "tourist traps" and go somewhere that isn't just trinket shops and tacky shirts. I don't know if you need to know locals to find that stuff, I think you need to have an understanding of the kinds of things you like to see.
  - bnralt 5y ago
    I agree. I'll add that I've known plenty of people who have done all the things you listed, and still aren't seen as a local, and are treated as more of a prop. This isn't just true of Americans going to other countries, but of people from other countries coming to America as well.
  - zerkten 5y ago
    To me it means "being a better visitor" and "providing a better visit". The idea of living like a local is very extreme and not what I think the person that you replied to was really suggesting. The use of the term "non-touristic" is pretty common amongst non-native speakers, but it means a lot of different things. I would only include a few of your bullets, begrudgingly, as things that I'd put in the "non-touristic" box. For example, someone if someone is trying to select a restaurant, then highlighting the more authentic options which resonate are something that I've had locals do on virtually every trip. Local people to me sometimes includes other business owners or tour guides I've encountered on the trip. I've normally done some research to find the the better spots, but a local person may know which one offers a particular delicacy that is prepared in a traditional way. They may even just know which one doesn't really require reservations. As an example, I was in Kyoto in 2019 with my wife. For various reasons we got to our ryokan (guesthouse) later than expected. We were on the fence about planning a fancy Kaiseki meal later in the week for my birthday because only one of us is an adventurous eater. Our hosts asked us about our plans for the week, if we had food, etc., and suggested an amazing local place that we would never have found on our own. In a way it was intimidating given that no one spoke English, but our hosts had really greased the wheels with the husband and wife who ran the place. This is absolutely not the kind of setup and assistance that you get from a concierge in hotels where there is a degree of risk avoidance. The mundane is only something you have time for on an extended trip. By the very nature of being long enough on a trip that your hair grows out, you'll likely need a trim. You may have the choice of somewhere that's easy and comfortable for a someone from a different place, or you may see that your comfort with the location has changed to open different possibilities. Of course, if you like to throw yourself into situations you can skip the haircut before leaving and try to find something when you arrive. Your personality impacts how comfortable you feel with that.
biddit 5y ago
Not sure why you're denying the grandparent poster's reality. Your response appears to be rooted in a rational conjecture of some sort. Do you have direct experience getting to know strangers while spending time in a foreign country? I can speak from experience - there are people, nearly everywhere I've ever traveled (swaths of Asia, Europe, and South America), who are interested in speaking with me, so long as there is a reasonable way for us to communicate. It's as easy as expressing interest in their culture/town/business/activity and being generally friendly and positive. edit: I should add, when I say "speaking with me," it infrequently goes beyond a simple brief conversation. Dozens of these interactions have turned into longer engagements, from dinner parties at people's homes, to activities like fishing, to being shown real locals spots. I have a loose network of "friends" all over the world now and have met a handful in my own country when they have visited.
- dougmwne 5y ago
  Sure I do, and it’s usually based on a friend of a friend, a shared interest or from me being there a longer time. It comes through me engaging with them like a regular person, not some fetishized “local.”
  - zerkten 5y ago
    I didn't read the post from person you responded to in the way that you did. I can agree that Instagram and the availability of cheaper travel has had the impact you describe. I think my initial language and description might have gravitated towards use of the word "local" but that's effectively used as shorthand. The assumption of most reasonable people is that you need to make connections with people.
  - s1artibartfast 5y ago
    This is such a cynical take. Some people travel to meet fun, interesting, and different people, while some locals are also interested in meeting fun, interesting, and different people. Sure, you wont understand what it is really like to be a local resident from a single conversation, or spending a day together, but you can connect and learn more than you knew before. You don't have to fetishize locals, to seek out their company and perspective over other tourists. Some of my fondest travel memories are from being invited into peoples homes for meals with their family, talking with them, and getting a tiny peak at their experience.
Mikeb85 5y ago
Different strokes I guess... I typically go places for 1-3 months at a time. And work as well. So, if I go to a bar in a foreign country and talk to people, it's the same as going to a bar and talking to people in my hometown. Not being a tourist that needs babysitting. Besides, you can usually knock off all the touristy "must do's" in a day or two anyway.
- tristor 5y ago
  My experience matches yours pretty strongly. I've never really had an issue meeting individuals while traveling solo, it's more about when I'm in a group meeting other groups to temporarily add new faces to the mix. I also generally prefer to stay in some place at /least/ one month, and just live a "normal" life in a different location and meet some locals along the way.
- dougmwne 5y ago
  Being there for a few months is a different animal. After a few weeks, you pretty much live there and are somewhat of a local yourself. You are no longer a tourist trying to collect an experience, just a person who happens to connect with another person. I was in Vienna recently for a month. We went to a couple of shared interest meetups with a mix of expats and Austrians. It didn’t really matter where folks were from or exactly hown long they’d been living in Vienna, we had come to connect on the common interest, not that we had a made friends with a “real Austrian”.
deltaonefour 5y ago
There's a bit of arrogance in the post you replied to. He stays away from tourists yet he's a tourist himself. It's like a nerd staying away from other nerds because he's "better."
- dougmwne 5y ago
  Arrogant and objectifying. Forcing their preconceptions of what a “local” would offer them onto other people who are just people.
  - cjaybo 5y ago
    Only if you insist on the most cynical and uncharitable reading of their comment possible. But that does seem to be the case, unfortunately! I don't think it's controversial for someone to say: "When I travel, I'd rather have the company of people who live in the place I'm visiting, instead of other travelers". I struggle to see how the original comment conveyed much more than that.
- zerkten 5y ago
  I don't think that's it at all, as long as it's not going to absolute extremes. Let's say you are part of a tour, then you are cooped up with people the whole time. You are going to be experiencing all of the same things that others are for the whole trip. In many ways, I think the original post is about enabling this in other ways. Any reasonable tour is going to make a very obvious effort to make it not feel this way be allowing you the flexibility to break off and see and do different things. This enriches the experience for both you and other participants because the different experiences are discussed and others go off and try the things that you've done. It is a major driver for the whole tour economy. If it was purely utilitarian then the tour company would package every piece of the experience. When it comes to travel more generally, many people are extremely confined by touring. They want to have a completely individualized experience that takes them further away from seeing other tourists to varying degrees. If you are a reasonably well-to-do Brit, you will be keeping a wide berth from the other Brits that are at your destination from a package holiday because of the risk of loutish behavior, or bias on that. Many tourists will plan to visit sites when other tourists will not be present. For example, staying locally near Plitvice Lakes in Croatia, so that you can get in before the tours arrive from the coastal towns. It's not that you care about the tourists that much as individuals, it's just that you would prefer to experience the place without the intensity of people. Or, you want to photos without people because you realize you'll actually spend more time blocking space waiting for a shot. Many times I've been that tourists that gets there early to avoid the tourists, only to stay and have an even better time. The extremes are when people think they can assimilate into a culture immediately without effort. The growth in travel and Instagram trend has seen a rise in the number of checklist travelers who just drop in. People will go as far as inviting you into their homes in many places, but you need to make a genuine connection. During Ramadan in Istanbul I've seen tourists eating all day in pretty conspicuous fashion which they are free to do. By being more conscious of the fasting going on and being out and about for iftar you are going to be seen in different light by locals and the door will open to experiences you wouldn't otherwise get.
mtnGoat 5y ago
If you are trying to get a local that you are making friends with, to be a prop in your stories for social media… you missed the point. You should be trying to focus on learning about the culture and the places and people, not some followers you’ll never meet and making sure to get ig photos the whole day. That’s not connecting, it usery, to grow your internet fame. No surprise you can’t find willing participants. Are you projecting? Maybe you haven’t met locals that wanted to take you around because that is the way you are treating them? I lived abroad for over a decade and I never had problems meeting locals or making friends with them. Generally I tried to avoid the selfie taking crowd of loud American tourists and brash military guys out on leave, like the other locals did.
- dougmwne 5y ago
  And since you are living abroad, do you have a habit of meeting tourists just there for a holiday, ditching your plans for the day and giving them an impromptu city tour out of an upwelling of civic pride?
Hayarotle 5y ago
I wouldn't assume any of those things about grandparent though. They haven't mentioned anything about wanting to be babysat, wanting a prop for instagram, etc. And many locals are often eager to meet tourists, specially in less visited places where they don't get to meet people from other countries too often.
khazhoux 5y ago
Ooh, startup idea: "Rent-A-Local" (needs better name) It's a gig-economy thing where locals get paid to hang around and talk to you at popular tourist sites. For example, four older gentlemen playing dominoes at a small table in Santorini, and they let you join in on the game and converse in broken english. Or an older woman working at a pastry shop in Florence, and she invites her beautiful 19-year-old granddaughter Francesca to translate your questions. All of them: rented locals.
- hiptobecubic 5y ago
  Doesn't Airbnb do this now?
  - SOLAR_FIELDS 5y ago
    Yes, it's called "experiences" and is advertised to you whenever you search for lodging. It's existed for at least 5 years, perhaps longer.
- cultofmetatron 5y ago
  that exists https://www.savvyamigo.com/ https://www.savvyamigo.com/
hiptobecubic 5y ago
Couchsurfing has been a thing for decades, so I don't know where you're coming from. Sure most people don't want to meet new people and hang out, but most people are happy sitting at home watching cable TV and eating delivery pizza every other night too. Who cares about them?
cultofmetatron 5y ago
> This sounds like a bit of a travel novel fantasy to me. what are you talking about? I've been a digital nomad for a few years and locals LOVE meeting travelers. I get invited to parties and events more often in foreign countries than when I'm in my hone town. They themselves want to meet new people or practice their english skills.
Mikeb85 5y ago
So some background to my comment. I live in a tourist town. Tourists come for the weekend. Travelers come for 6 months to a year. There's a scene to traveling. Some people come, interact only with other travelers. Others interact with everyone. When I travel abroad, it's for months at a time. I avoid the 'scene', not for disdain for tourists or other travelers, but because you miss some things. Not gonna say I specifically avoid ex-pats, just don't seek them out either. Some ex-pats form groups because they want a social life and are too lazy to learn the language, I'm not about that. But if I meet one, that's fine too. I'm not traveling for Instagram clout, I just like it. My typical MO is to book a one way ticket, then spend months off the beaten path, working remote all the while. It's what I like. I meet people because I'm social (enough anyway, in many ways I'm introverted), not because I want something. And sometimes (usually) I just have a 5 minute conversation and it goes nowhere. Because people do have lives, yes. That's ok though. Same back home, if I sit at a bar and someone else strikes up a conversation, I engage or don't, depending on my mood. That's life. Truly good friends are rare anyway. And traveling 'friends' are usually just people who want a favour, in my experience. So I go places, am completely self-sufficient the whole way, I meet people, sometimes they stick around, often they don't.
- dougmwne 5y ago
  Ok I get you and what I said really doesn’t apply to you. If you are going somewhere for months, you are way outside the tourist category. Someone coming for a month or a year is practically living there. And at that point you would want to associate with other people who live there, not tourists there for a weekend. Someone who has lived there all their life and is not very open to meeting new people may not been interested in engaging someone who will only be there for 6 months, but that seems like an entirety separate issue. After all, some people refuse to engage with anyone not born in their town and see even people who have been there for decades as outsiders.
throwaway55421 5y ago
You're just describing the fact that there are, well, different people. I am a local in the town I live in. I like to meet new people. I organise meetups for locals, tourists, travellers, whatever. I help people out if I see them staring at the Tube map. Some of my friends don't do this, they have hobbies or work or whatever that they prioritise over it. Or they're just not that interested or social in the first place. So when you are travelling, look for me and not my friends. There are ten million of us, we are quite varied here. I enjoy being the stereotypical Brit and waffling on about pubs and where the best chippy is and all of that.

koonsolo 5y ago

Sorry, but that is not my experience at all. There are a lot of people who are proud of where they live, and want to help you out in finding the best (non-touristic) spots.

spookthesunset 5y ago
> and want to help you out in finding the best (non-touristic) spots. Not attacking you but what does "non-touristic" even mean though? If you wanna not be a tourist and "live like the locals" get a job and an apartment there and stay a while. If you are only there for a week you'll always be a tourist living like a tourist--you are a transient visitor and nothing more. In my book, to not be a tourist and "live like a local" you'll need to immerse yourself in all the mundane, routine things people in that area do like: - Get a drivers license & register your car (if you have one) - Get a haircut - Go to the doctors office and the dentist - Purchase a new pair of shoes - Take your pet to the dentist - Have a meaningful opinion on some local political issue (I'd say vote, but that isn't always possible without actually being a citizen) - Go grocery shopping and purchase household sundries like toilet paper, paper towels, cleaning spray, brooms, etc. - Get mail and packages delivered to your residence - Speak to people in the native language. Be able to read it too. I dunno. I've traveled more than the average person and I kinda think trying to "experience things like a local" just isn't possible or even desirable. You are a visitor. Embrace it. Only by moving there and living the mundane parts of life can you truly "live like a local". That being said, I do understand the desire to escape the "tourist traps" and go somewhere that isn't just trinket shops and tacky shirts. I don't know if you need to know locals to find that stuff, I think you need to have an understanding of the kinds of things you like to see.
- bnralt 5y ago
  I agree. I'll add that I've known plenty of people who have done all the things you listed, and still aren't seen as a local, and are treated as more of a prop. This isn't just true of Americans going to other countries, but of people from other countries coming to America as well.
- zerkten 5y ago
  To me it means "being a better visitor" and "providing a better visit". The idea of living like a local is very extreme and not what I think the person that you replied to was really suggesting. The use of the term "non-touristic" is pretty common amongst non-native speakers, but it means a lot of different things. I would only include a few of your bullets, begrudgingly, as things that I'd put in the "non-touristic" box. For example, someone if someone is trying to select a restaurant, then highlighting the more authentic options which resonate are something that I've had locals do on virtually every trip. Local people to me sometimes includes other business owners or tour guides I've encountered on the trip. I've normally done some research to find the the better spots, but a local person may know which one offers a particular delicacy that is prepared in a traditional way. They may even just know which one doesn't really require reservations. As an example, I was in Kyoto in 2019 with my wife. For various reasons we got to our ryokan (guesthouse) later than expected. We were on the fence about planning a fancy Kaiseki meal later in the week for my birthday because only one of us is an adventurous eater. Our hosts asked us about our plans for the week, if we had food, etc., and suggested an amazing local place that we would never have found on our own. In a way it was intimidating given that no one spoke English, but our hosts had really greased the wheels with the husband and wife who ran the place. This is absolutely not the kind of setup and assistance that you get from a concierge in hotels where there is a degree of risk avoidance. The mundane is only something you have time for on an extended trip. By the very nature of being long enough on a trip that your hair grows out, you'll likely need a trim. You may have the choice of somewhere that's easy and comfortable for a someone from a different place, or you may see that your comfort with the location has changed to open different possibilities. Of course, if you like to throw yourself into situations you can skip the haircut before leaving and try to find something when you arrive. Your personality impacts how comfortable you feel with that.

biddit 5y ago

Not sure why you're denying the grandparent poster's reality. Your response appears to be rooted in a rational conjecture of some sort. Do you have direct experience getting to know strangers while spending time in a foreign country? I can speak from experience - there are people, nearly everywhere I've ever traveled (swaths of Asia, Europe, and South America), who are interested in speaking with me, so long as there is a reasonable way for us to communicate. It's as easy as expressing interest in their culture/town/business/activity and being generally friendly and positive. edit: I should add, when I say "speaking with me," it infrequently goes beyond a simple brief conversation. Dozens of these interactions have turned into longer engagements, from dinner parties at people's homes, to activities like fishing, to being shown real locals spots. I have a loose network of "friends" all over the world now and have met a handful in my own country when they have visited.

dougmwne 5y ago
Sure I do, and it’s usually based on a friend of a friend, a shared interest or from me being there a longer time. It comes through me engaging with them like a regular person, not some fetishized “local.”
- zerkten 5y ago
  I didn't read the post from person you responded to in the way that you did. I can agree that Instagram and the availability of cheaper travel has had the impact you describe. I think my initial language and description might have gravitated towards use of the word "local" but that's effectively used as shorthand. The assumption of most reasonable people is that you need to make connections with people.
- s1artibartfast 5y ago
  This is such a cynical take. Some people travel to meet fun, interesting, and different people, while some locals are also interested in meeting fun, interesting, and different people. Sure, you wont understand what it is really like to be a local resident from a single conversation, or spending a day together, but you can connect and learn more than you knew before. You don't have to fetishize locals, to seek out their company and perspective over other tourists. Some of my fondest travel memories are from being invited into peoples homes for meals with their family, talking with them, and getting a tiny peak at their experience.

Mikeb85 5y ago

Different strokes I guess... I typically go places for 1-3 months at a time. And work as well. So, if I go to a bar in a foreign country and talk to people, it's the same as going to a bar and talking to people in my hometown. Not being a tourist that needs babysitting. Besides, you can usually knock off all the touristy "must do's" in a day or two anyway.

tristor 5y ago
My experience matches yours pretty strongly. I've never really had an issue meeting individuals while traveling solo, it's more about when I'm in a group meeting other groups to temporarily add new faces to the mix. I also generally prefer to stay in some place at /least/ one month, and just live a "normal" life in a different location and meet some locals along the way.
dougmwne 5y ago
Being there for a few months is a different animal. After a few weeks, you pretty much live there and are somewhat of a local yourself. You are no longer a tourist trying to collect an experience, just a person who happens to connect with another person. I was in Vienna recently for a month. We went to a couple of shared interest meetups with a mix of expats and Austrians. It didn’t really matter where folks were from or exactly hown long they’d been living in Vienna, we had come to connect on the common interest, not that we had a made friends with a “real Austrian”.

deltaonefour 5y ago

There's a bit of arrogance in the post you replied to. He stays away from tourists yet he's a tourist himself. It's like a nerd staying away from other nerds because he's "better."

dougmwne 5y ago
Arrogant and objectifying. Forcing their preconceptions of what a “local” would offer them onto other people who are just people.
- cjaybo 5y ago
  Only if you insist on the most cynical and uncharitable reading of their comment possible. But that does seem to be the case, unfortunately! I don't think it's controversial for someone to say: "When I travel, I'd rather have the company of people who live in the place I'm visiting, instead of other travelers". I struggle to see how the original comment conveyed much more than that.
zerkten 5y ago
I don't think that's it at all, as long as it's not going to absolute extremes. Let's say you are part of a tour, then you are cooped up with people the whole time. You are going to be experiencing all of the same things that others are for the whole trip. In many ways, I think the original post is about enabling this in other ways. Any reasonable tour is going to make a very obvious effort to make it not feel this way be allowing you the flexibility to break off and see and do different things. This enriches the experience for both you and other participants because the different experiences are discussed and others go off and try the things that you've done. It is a major driver for the whole tour economy. If it was purely utilitarian then the tour company would package every piece of the experience. When it comes to travel more generally, many people are extremely confined by touring. They want to have a completely individualized experience that takes them further away from seeing other tourists to varying degrees. If you are a reasonably well-to-do Brit, you will be keeping a wide berth from the other Brits that are at your destination from a package holiday because of the risk of loutish behavior, or bias on that. Many tourists will plan to visit sites when other tourists will not be present. For example, staying locally near Plitvice Lakes in Croatia, so that you can get in before the tours arrive from the coastal towns. It's not that you care about the tourists that much as individuals, it's just that you would prefer to experience the place without the intensity of people. Or, you want to photos without people because you realize you'll actually spend more time blocking space waiting for a shot. Many times I've been that tourists that gets there early to avoid the tourists, only to stay and have an even better time. The extremes are when people think they can assimilate into a culture immediately without effort. The growth in travel and Instagram trend has seen a rise in the number of checklist travelers who just drop in. People will go as far as inviting you into their homes in many places, but you need to make a genuine connection. During Ramadan in Istanbul I've seen tourists eating all day in pretty conspicuous fashion which they are free to do. By being more conscious of the fasting going on and being out and about for iftar you are going to be seen in different light by locals and the door will open to experiences you wouldn't otherwise get.

mtnGoat 5y ago

If you are trying to get a local that you are making friends with, to be a prop in your stories for social media… you missed the point. You should be trying to focus on learning about the culture and the places and people, not some followers you’ll never meet and making sure to get ig photos the whole day. That’s not connecting, it usery, to grow your internet fame. No surprise you can’t find willing participants. Are you projecting? Maybe you haven’t met locals that wanted to take you around because that is the way you are treating them? I lived abroad for over a decade and I never had problems meeting locals or making friends with them. Generally I tried to avoid the selfie taking crowd of loud American tourists and brash military guys out on leave, like the other locals did.

dougmwne 5y ago
And since you are living abroad, do you have a habit of meeting tourists just there for a holiday, ditching your plans for the day and giving them an impromptu city tour out of an upwelling of civic pride?

Hayarotle 5y ago

I wouldn't assume any of those things about grandparent though. They haven't mentioned anything about wanting to be babysat, wanting a prop for instagram, etc. And many locals are often eager to meet tourists, specially in less visited places where they don't get to meet people from other countries too often.

khazhoux 5y ago

Ooh, startup idea: "Rent-A-Local" (needs better name) It's a gig-economy thing where locals get paid to hang around and talk to you at popular tourist sites. For example, four older gentlemen playing dominoes at a small table in Santorini, and they let you join in on the game and converse in broken english. Or an older woman working at a pastry shop in Florence, and she invites her beautiful 19-year-old granddaughter Francesca to translate your questions. All of them: rented locals.

hiptobecubic 5y ago
Doesn't Airbnb do this now?
- SOLAR_FIELDS 5y ago
  Yes, it's called "experiences" and is advertised to you whenever you search for lodging. It's existed for at least 5 years, perhaps longer.
cultofmetatron 5y ago
that exists https://www.savvyamigo.com/ https://www.savvyamigo.com/

hiptobecubic 5y ago

Couchsurfing has been a thing for decades, so I don't know where you're coming from. Sure most people don't want to meet new people and hang out, but most people are happy sitting at home watching cable TV and eating delivery pizza every other night too. Who cares about them?

cultofmetatron 5y ago

> This sounds like a bit of a travel novel fantasy to me. what are you talking about? I've been a digital nomad for a few years and locals LOVE meeting travelers. I get invited to parties and events more often in foreign countries than when I'm in my hone town. They themselves want to meet new people or practice their english skills.

Mikeb85 5y ago

So some background to my comment. I live in a tourist town. Tourists come for the weekend. Travelers come for 6 months to a year. There's a scene to traveling. Some people come, interact only with other travelers. Others interact with everyone. When I travel abroad, it's for months at a time. I avoid the 'scene', not for disdain for tourists or other travelers, but because you miss some things. Not gonna say I specifically avoid ex-pats, just don't seek them out either. Some ex-pats form groups because they want a social life and are too lazy to learn the language, I'm not about that. But if I meet one, that's fine too. I'm not traveling for Instagram clout, I just like it. My typical MO is to book a one way ticket, then spend months off the beaten path, working remote all the while. It's what I like. I meet people because I'm social (enough anyway, in many ways I'm introverted), not because I want something. And sometimes (usually) I just have a 5 minute conversation and it goes nowhere. Because people do have lives, yes. That's ok though. Same back home, if I sit at a bar and someone else strikes up a conversation, I engage or don't, depending on my mood. That's life. Truly good friends are rare anyway. And traveling 'friends' are usually just people who want a favour, in my experience. So I go places, am completely self-sufficient the whole way, I meet people, sometimes they stick around, often they don't.

dougmwne 5y ago
Ok I get you and what I said really doesn’t apply to you. If you are going somewhere for months, you are way outside the tourist category. Someone coming for a month or a year is practically living there. And at that point you would want to associate with other people who live there, not tourists there for a weekend. Someone who has lived there all their life and is not very open to meeting new people may not been interested in engaging someone who will only be there for 6 months, but that seems like an entirety separate issue. After all, some people refuse to engage with anyone not born in their town and see even people who have been there for decades as outsiders.

throwaway55421 5y ago

You're just describing the fact that there are, well, different people. I am a local in the town I live in. I like to meet new people. I organise meetups for locals, tourists, travellers, whatever. I help people out if I see them staring at the Tube map. Some of my friends don't do this, they have hobbies or work or whatever that they prioritise over it. Or they're just not that interested or social in the first place. So when you are travelling, look for me and not my friends. There are ten million of us, we are quite varied here. I enjoy being the stereotypical Brit and waffling on about pubs and where the best chippy is and all of that.