5 ms·

Basically, this. For some reason any kind of "meetup" site always seems to end up having this undercurrent of being a crypto dating site. I wish there were site

Basically, this. For some reason any kind of "meetup" site always seems to end up having this undercurrent of being a crypto dating site. I wish there were sites where people could sign up for hanging out that were 100% guaranteed platonic. It's so exhausting to have to try filter out that weird dating/sex dynamic apparently shoehorned into everything outside of work.

RealityVoid 5y ago
I think that's impossible. The crypto dating undercurrent is basically life. Even at work, depending on the age of those around you, it's still there. Of course, the older people are, they have better odds of having families so the feeling fades, but I think it never truly goes away. Anyways, I love the initiative and would love to see it catch on, I love communities like this, but, to be honest, as much as I like looking at them from a distance and admire them, I'd probably be too busy to properly participate in them.
- hutzlibu 5y ago
  That people are also having sexual desires is normal and allright with me. But when it becomes the dominant topic everywhere, it is a problem. Solution is hard of course, with so many singles out there. But I was also single for a long time and as far as I know, I did not harass any women in that time. So it might partly also still be macho thinking, that women are there mainly for sex. It might be even only a small minority doing it, but some aggressive machos can be enough, to destroy a whole community, or make it mostly male. So moderation will be key. "Report user" Etc.
hutzlibu 5y ago
Lately there was some confusion in a (telegram) group about Saunas I am in. Because some newcomers assumed it was actually about swinger sex and not wellness. (despite nothing indicating such) I mean, we are not living under Taliban rule. You can go to a million sex finder sites if that is what you want. No need to encrypt your desires and bother other people who are in some group for the plainly stated topic.
- sokoloff 5y ago
  I played recreational level volleyball and softball for around two decades. More than half the people I dated, I met through those channels (including my wife). I continued to play whether or not I was single and after we married. Was I encrypting my desires and bothering other people? I don’t think so. It turns out humans will, from time to time, hook up with other humans who they meet doing random things, even if those things aren’t swiping right on an app.
  - hutzlibu 5y ago
    Sure, people are having sexual desires and dating is allright with me, but you were still mainly playing ball there, right? Like I just wanted mostly to relax in a new awesome wellness place, I have not been before. But sure, saunas are intense and you see other people without masks, which increase the chance of direct contact. So if I meet someone nice there and this person is also interested, then sure, things can go another way for us, but not in this particiular place as other people are there for sauna and not an orgy. Most, especially young women, cannot relax very well, with sexual tensions in the room directed at them, so the sauna culture is very sensitive to keep all that out as much as possible. You are just naked among other people. And relax. You may admire the looks of other bodies, but you are really not supoosed to stare at them, or bother them in any way. But in most public saunas it is sadly mainly horny old people keeping the women out. (which is why I am a bit mad at horny people creeping into private wellness groups looking for swinger sex)
  - caminante 5y ago
    > Was I encrypting my desires and bothering other people? I don’t think so. I can't recommend affinity groups (especially co-ed sports) enough for ways to be social, exercise, and explore romantic matches (for cheap!) It bakes in compatibility/values traits. But saunas...? For saunas, one of many obvious differences (with volleyball/softball) is that I can't expect someone to engage in conversation. For sports, I need to communicate and coordinate. Parent is referring to people lustfully conflating brothel/bathhouse facilities with a family YMCA. In Germany, sauna clubs are unapologetically marketed as brothels.
yholio 5y ago
Such sites cannot exist at this time, basic anthropology at work. They would require revolutionary new gender dynamics.
- jcims 5y ago
  The gender dynamics would likely have to separate sex drive from reproduction sufficiently that libido is maladaptive and ultimately eliminated from our biology.
jcims 5y ago
This seems to be nearly insurmountable if the primary objective of the site is only to meet people, particularly young single people that have no local social group or attachment. One minor pivot that OP might consider is make the site about finding ways for travelers to integrate with the local community. Volunteering opportunities would be the primary idea that comes to mind, but if there's any mechanism to integrate with meetup that might be useful as well. Basically tie in systems that have already developed a survival mechanism to filter out creeps.
shmel 5y ago
I suppose it is a completely predictable outcome: internet has been telling young men for years "stop looking for a gf, just get out there, find a hobby, meet up new people". Besides, "finding a partner" is a much more common and pressing goal than "finding strangers who also like that niche thing I do".

RealityVoid 5y ago

I think that's impossible. The crypto dating undercurrent is basically life. Even at work, depending on the age of those around you, it's still there. Of course, the older people are, they have better odds of having families so the feeling fades, but I think it never truly goes away. Anyways, I love the initiative and would love to see it catch on, I love communities like this, but, to be honest, as much as I like looking at them from a distance and admire them, I'd probably be too busy to properly participate in them.

hutzlibu 5y ago
That people are also having sexual desires is normal and allright with me. But when it becomes the dominant topic everywhere, it is a problem. Solution is hard of course, with so many singles out there. But I was also single for a long time and as far as I know, I did not harass any women in that time. So it might partly also still be macho thinking, that women are there mainly for sex. It might be even only a small minority doing it, but some aggressive machos can be enough, to destroy a whole community, or make it mostly male. So moderation will be key. "Report user" Etc.

hutzlibu 5y ago

Lately there was some confusion in a (telegram) group about Saunas I am in. Because some newcomers assumed it was actually about swinger sex and not wellness. (despite nothing indicating such) I mean, we are not living under Taliban rule. You can go to a million sex finder sites if that is what you want. No need to encrypt your desires and bother other people who are in some group for the plainly stated topic.

sokoloff 5y ago
I played recreational level volleyball and softball for around two decades. More than half the people I dated, I met through those channels (including my wife). I continued to play whether or not I was single and after we married. Was I encrypting my desires and bothering other people? I don’t think so. It turns out humans will, from time to time, hook up with other humans who they meet doing random things, even if those things aren’t swiping right on an app.
- hutzlibu 5y ago
  Sure, people are having sexual desires and dating is allright with me, but you were still mainly playing ball there, right? Like I just wanted mostly to relax in a new awesome wellness place, I have not been before. But sure, saunas are intense and you see other people without masks, which increase the chance of direct contact. So if I meet someone nice there and this person is also interested, then sure, things can go another way for us, but not in this particiular place as other people are there for sauna and not an orgy. Most, especially young women, cannot relax very well, with sexual tensions in the room directed at them, so the sauna culture is very sensitive to keep all that out as much as possible. You are just naked among other people. And relax. You may admire the looks of other bodies, but you are really not supoosed to stare at them, or bother them in any way. But in most public saunas it is sadly mainly horny old people keeping the women out. (which is why I am a bit mad at horny people creeping into private wellness groups looking for swinger sex)
- caminante 5y ago
  > Was I encrypting my desires and bothering other people? I don’t think so. I can't recommend affinity groups (especially co-ed sports) enough for ways to be social, exercise, and explore romantic matches (for cheap!) It bakes in compatibility/values traits. But saunas...? For saunas, one of many obvious differences (with volleyball/softball) is that I can't expect someone to engage in conversation. For sports, I need to communicate and coordinate. Parent is referring to people lustfully conflating brothel/bathhouse facilities with a family YMCA. In Germany, sauna clubs are unapologetically marketed as brothels.

yholio 5y ago

Such sites cannot exist at this time, basic anthropology at work. They would require revolutionary new gender dynamics.

jcims 5y ago
The gender dynamics would likely have to separate sex drive from reproduction sufficiently that libido is maladaptive and ultimately eliminated from our biology.

jcims 5y ago

This seems to be nearly insurmountable if the primary objective of the site is only to meet people, particularly young single people that have no local social group or attachment. One minor pivot that OP might consider is make the site about finding ways for travelers to integrate with the local community. Volunteering opportunities would be the primary idea that comes to mind, but if there's any mechanism to integrate with meetup that might be useful as well. Basically tie in systems that have already developed a survival mechanism to filter out creeps.

shmel 5y ago

I suppose it is a completely predictable outcome: internet has been telling young men for years "stop looking for a gf, just get out there, find a hobby, meet up new people". Besides, "finding a partner" is a much more common and pressing goal than "finding strangers who also like that niche thing I do".