8 ms·

Leaving the company I co-founded

91 points by 0xferruccio 5y ago

pjfin 5y ago
Hey folks - writer here. Didn’t see this was posted. Just wanted to say thanks to everyone for reading! And tbh I understand people having different reactions to it. I can’t really speak to what it’s like to be the other founder in this situation but I can imagine it’s very rough.
newbie789 5y ago
[dead]
orliesaurus 5y ago
That's so weird - I got on a call with someone from Monaru on Mon Jun 24, 2019 9:30am - 9:45am (PDT) after seeing it launch I think it was PH - this is crazy feels like yesterday!
kirso 5y ago
Loved reading this, very personal and deep. Here is another reminder that world doesn't have to be spinning around startups, making billions and 1000x outcomes. Perhaps its ok just to be a healthy and mentally stable human being following interests, doing a good job at whatever you do. The world slowly wakes up and realises that perhaps we should celebrate being ok, instead of being exceptional because this is how it usually ends. All the best to the author. Hope he finds his new thing!
- raptorraver 5y ago
  Sometimes I feel that nowadays being ok is exceptional.
mrjangles 5y ago
>"Like, sure, I can give you a list of things I think you should do, but unless it comes from you you're never going to actual do it in the long term. We've seen that already. And, like, it's not my job worrying about whether or not you're doing what you're supposed to. It's exhausting having to think about it" God this brought back some memories because I have had to say the exact same thing to someone, and the memory was just infuriating to think about, and I totally understand how Romy felt saying that. Then as I continued to read what they wrote I realized this person is indeed identical in just about every way (except not the same person). The person I knew eventually cleaned up their act a bit, and what it came down to was that they were completely obsessed with themselves. A strange kind of narcissism (I know it is trite to say that, but in this case I'll use that word because it isn't obvious how). These problems he is having - extreme fear of failure, essentially - can easily be fixed. Notice when you read this that he spends paragraphs and paragraphs going on about how he feels. When he talks about how he is letting everyone down, it is never about how he is letting everyone down or how they feel, it is how it makes him sad that they are sad. How stressed he is. How he isn't a quitter. Notice how when he talks about leaving emails unanswered for weeks the first thing on his mind is how sad it makes him to make life difficult for everyone even though he could simply answer the email. It isn't how hard it must be for them, it is how sad it makes him that things are difficult for them. Now there is nothing wrong with worrying about your own feelings, but this kind of self destructive event which he describes came about solely because he was taking himself too seriously. In fact, he was completely and totally obsessed with himself above all else which lead to a complete and total neglect of everyone and everything he was responsible for. If anyone you know ever ends up this paralyzed from fear of failure just try to remind them to stop taking themselves so seriously and try worrying about something other than themselves for once.
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- kamranjon 5y ago
  I think narcissism is an incredibly inaccurate description, and I think writing people off as narcissistic tends to be a crutch people lean on when they are emotionally incapable of empathy themselves. The author comes to similar revelations in the post: “My perspective shifts. I realize how incredibly self centered I’ve been. How irrational it is to be worrying about how everyone else perceives my decisions and apparent failures.” Reflection can take time and it’s often a natural part of growth. I think this post is more about burnout. Your over-analysis of their “self destructive event” comes to the wrong conclusion. Not responding to emails when you are completely burnt out has nothing to do with your obsession with yourself. When you’re completely burnt out you go into self preservation mode and while that might appear like self obsession, that is a symptom of burnout, not the cause.
  - srcreigh 5y ago
    You said what I wanted to say better than I could. Thanks. I also want to add, to the GP, it's inappropriate and insensitive to say that the authors problem is easily fixed. And even assuming the authors main problem is narcissism, which I doubt, your methods would be laughably ineffective.
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  - ohazi 5y ago
    Completely agree. Narcissistic personality disorder is a thing, but it's almost the polar opposite of what GP described. It wouldn't even occur to a narcissist that they're making things difficult for someone else. If you have a voice in your head telling you that you should feel guilty about all the ways in which you're making things hard for others... sure you might have an anxiety or a burnout problem, but you clearly have empathy.
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shever73 5y ago
The final paragraph about his recurring dream is very relatable for me: >I think this is the only lasting damage from my startup adventure. My "I didn't study for the exam" dreams have been replaced by "the app is down and no one is responding". I also left the company I cofounded and even though 15 years have passed, I still get those kind of dreams.

91 points by 0xferruccio 5y ago

Hey folks - writer here. Didn’t see this was posted. Just wanted to say thanks to everyone for reading! And tbh I understand people having different reactions to it. I can’t really speak to what it’s like to be the other founder in this situation but I can imagine it’s very rough.

newbie789 5y ago

[dead]

orliesaurus 5y ago

That's so weird - I got on a call with someone from Monaru on Mon Jun 24, 2019 9:30am - 9:45am (PDT) after seeing it launch I think it was PH - this is crazy feels like yesterday!

kirso 5y ago

Loved reading this, very personal and deep. Here is another reminder that world doesn't have to be spinning around startups, making billions and 1000x outcomes. Perhaps its ok just to be a healthy and mentally stable human being following interests, doing a good job at whatever you do. The world slowly wakes up and realises that perhaps we should celebrate being ok, instead of being exceptional because this is how it usually ends. All the best to the author. Hope he finds his new thing!

raptorraver 5y ago
Sometimes I feel that nowadays being ok is exceptional.

mrjangles 5y ago

>"Like, sure, I can give you a list of things I think you should do, but unless it comes from you you're never going to actual do it in the long term. We've seen that already. And, like, it's not my job worrying about whether or not you're doing what you're supposed to. It's exhausting having to think about it" God this brought back some memories because I have had to say the exact same thing to someone, and the memory was just infuriating to think about, and I totally understand how Romy felt saying that. Then as I continued to read what they wrote I realized this person is indeed identical in just about every way (except not the same person). The person I knew eventually cleaned up their act a bit, and what it came down to was that they were completely obsessed with themselves. A strange kind of narcissism (I know it is trite to say that, but in this case I'll use that word because it isn't obvious how). These problems he is having - extreme fear of failure, essentially - can easily be fixed. Notice when you read this that he spends paragraphs and paragraphs going on about how he feels. When he talks about how he is letting everyone down, it is never about how he is letting everyone down or how they feel, it is how it makes him sad that they are sad. How stressed he is. How he isn't a quitter. Notice how when he talks about leaving emails unanswered for weeks the first thing on his mind is how sad it makes him to make life difficult for everyone even though he could simply answer the email. It isn't how hard it must be for them, it is how sad it makes him that things are difficult for them. Now there is nothing wrong with worrying about your own feelings, but this kind of self destructive event which he describes came about solely because he was taking himself too seriously. In fact, he was completely and totally obsessed with himself above all else which lead to a complete and total neglect of everyone and everything he was responsible for. If anyone you know ever ends up this paralyzed from fear of failure just try to remind them to stop taking themselves so seriously and try worrying about something other than themselves for once.

deleted 5y ago
[deleted]
deleted 5y ago
[deleted]
kamranjon 5y ago
I think narcissism is an incredibly inaccurate description, and I think writing people off as narcissistic tends to be a crutch people lean on when they are emotionally incapable of empathy themselves. The author comes to similar revelations in the post: “My perspective shifts. I realize how incredibly self centered I’ve been. How irrational it is to be worrying about how everyone else perceives my decisions and apparent failures.” Reflection can take time and it’s often a natural part of growth. I think this post is more about burnout. Your over-analysis of their “self destructive event” comes to the wrong conclusion. Not responding to emails when you are completely burnt out has nothing to do with your obsession with yourself. When you’re completely burnt out you go into self preservation mode and while that might appear like self obsession, that is a symptom of burnout, not the cause.
- srcreigh 5y ago
  You said what I wanted to say better than I could. Thanks. I also want to add, to the GP, it's inappropriate and insensitive to say that the authors problem is easily fixed. And even assuming the authors main problem is narcissism, which I doubt, your methods would be laughably ineffective.
- deleted 5y ago
  [deleted]
- ohazi 5y ago
  Completely agree. Narcissistic personality disorder is a thing, but it's almost the polar opposite of what GP described. It wouldn't even occur to a narcissist that they're making things difficult for someone else. If you have a voice in your head telling you that you should feel guilty about all the ways in which you're making things hard for others... sure you might have an anxiety or a burnout problem, but you clearly have empathy.

deleted 5y ago

[deleted]

shever73 5y ago

The final paragraph about his recurring dream is very relatable for me: >I think this is the only lasting damage from my startup adventure. My "I didn't study for the exam" dreams have been replaced by "the app is down and no one is responding". I also left the company I cofounded and even though 15 years have passed, I still get those kind of dreams.