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I am not asking sarcastic questions, and my comment is not intended as any kind of attack. Please read my tone as 100% earnest, just confused. And I hope the to

I am not asking sarcastic questions, and my comment is not intended as any kind of attack. Please read my tone as 100% earnest, just confused. And I hope the top poster will accept my apology that I didn’t phrase my comment to make that clear enough. The tone of voice in the top-level comment reads to me as extremely aggressive/aggrieved, like they had been personally wronged by someone (not just a victim of a tragic accident). But I don’t understand where that anger is being directed toward, or what precisely they are trying to say, so I am asking for clarification. Are they upset at doctors? the hospital? genetic test providers? themselves? Or perhaps I was grossly misreading the intended tone. I am not judging or criticizing them: having a chronically sick kid must be a horrible traumatic experience, with no easy answers. I am sure I would be incredibly upset too, under the circumstances. I am just trying to figure out what they are trying to say. * * * Separately, I’m sorry for the “It sounds like your specific problem” part, which is phrased insensitively; clearly they have much bigger problems than this one. I didn’t mean it that way. I’m just trying to point out that taking a genetic test with zero false positives wouldn’t have made any difference to the top-level poster.

BoorishBears 5y ago
The entire comment you've written seems hellbent on attributing this person's anger to some specific entity... did you take 5 seconds to ask yourself what the goal of that is? Is the goal to find out what they're angry at so you can invalidate their pain over (what you seem to understand is) a terrible situation? "Oh you're angry at the doctors? Well doctors can't read the future." "Oh you're angry at the tests? Well the tests are perfect." I mean, I don't know why I'm asking when it's exactly what your first comment tried to do. And for obvious reasons they didn't appreciate it... after all what does it add? - You think this person doesn't know tests are imperfect? You think they don't know what false positives and false negatives are? Or you think they know and it's still a terrible situation, and any article about the inaccuracy prenatal tests would have reminded them of their traumatic experience that at least somewhat involved the inaccuracy prenatal tests, even if the inaccuracies involved are not exactly the same - And I mean, let's consider hypothetically they don't know for a second! Or let's say your goal was for the benefit of another reader. You're going to be the one to inform them of these things and then... ??? I mean seriously, someone reads an article that causes them to recall their child's birth which they described as a living hell. I think it's safe to say: a) the point was not asking HN strangers to tell them why they're upset with the wrong thing b) they likely understood their situation was not 1-1 with the article's situation c) they commented anyways because they were venting. And not an off-topic venting anyways, they didn't say "I hate prenatal tests that are false negative" they showed hatred for inaccurate prenatal tests which doesn't prescribe a direction and is pretty fair??? - And yes I get HN's love this place to be as sterile as an OR, but it's not every day we get an article that has this level of personal implication, so what exactly does anyone lose just letting this person vent without trying to police their emotions or "correct" their anger? If this was a website about prenatal care it'd be one thing, but posts about prenatal care make up: 0.0024% of all posts on this website. 47 mentions out of over 1 million stories. Honestly I'm shocked this even needs to be said though. This is all covered under basic social skills, but then again maybe I'm being inconsiderate of the fact that certain personal situations can affect the ability to pick up on non-verbal cues and implicit social expectations To that end, in the future: Never, ever, ask someone if they wish they had aborted a child they had. (And before you rush to say you didn't, don't even ask it implicitly.) If they feel the need to share an opinion on that they will. It's certainly not for you to ask, and even less so for you to ask an internet stranger.
- jacobolus 5y ago
  I didn’t understand what they were trying to say (e.g. who is supposed to be "burning in hell") and asked for clarification. Asking people to clarify when their statements are confusing/ambiguous is a pretty normal part of human conversations, and is not as a general rule intended as an attack. Nobody has a secret agenda here. Nobody (except you?) is attacking anyone, correcting them, telling them they are wrong, policing them, threatening them, insulting them, putting words in their mouth, invalidating their feelings, .... You seem to be really dramatically upset about this. I don’t really understand why (I assume you are grossly misunderstanding my intention – e.g. “hellbent”?!), but I am sorry to have deeply offended you. I sincerely hope you feel better soon.
  - BoorishBears 5y ago
    The passive-aggression will only get you so far... here's the comment you seem to have already forgotten replying to: > Anyone trying to shickle a few dollars from the medical system to provide "pre-natal diagnosis" without sound science - they can come burn in the same hell I live in every day. Where's the ambiguity?! How much more clear could this be? > Anyone trying to shickle a few dollars from the medical system to provide "pre-natal diagnosis" without sound science - Or is it that you don't understand why someone would be angered by people pedaling prenatal diagnosis based on unsound science for personal gain? And doubly so someone who experienced so much pain after these types of tests failed them? > You seem to be really dramatically upset about this So you can pick up an emotional cue! (Well... actually you still seem unsure despite me being very clearly upset, so still have some ways to go.) Yes, I'm very upset I had to tell what I assume is a grown adult that casually asking people if they wish they had aborted their child is not ok! And as I write that I have to say: if you actually do have some medical situation that affects your non-verbal skills, then I do apologize for being harsh. - Otherwise if you really want me to feel better soon, stop with the flimsy runabout and be better.
    - jacobolus 5y ago
      You are repeatedly making very strong, incorrect (quite aggressively insulting) claims about my intentions based on your own invented assumptions, despite having been told directly that you were incorrect. You now claim that actually I am lying about what my intentions were. You insist that I was previously intending to be insulting and cruel and that by (a) apologizing for being insensitive and (b) denying that was my original intention I am being “passive aggressive”. (To what end do you think I would do this, and who do you think my “aggression” is aimed at? You think I am just trolling you for my own amusement?) I don’t see any way of convincing you otherwise here; continuing this conversation seems futile. Have a good day. * * * Edit: for the record, my top comment upthread is currently at net +25 votes. Apparently a whole lot of other people also found the top-level comment very confusing/ambiguous.

BoorishBears 5y ago

The entire comment you've written seems hellbent on attributing this person's anger to some specific entity... did you take 5 seconds to ask yourself what the goal of that is? Is the goal to find out what they're angry at so you can invalidate their pain over (what you seem to understand is) a terrible situation? "Oh you're angry at the doctors? Well doctors can't read the future." "Oh you're angry at the tests? Well the tests are perfect." I mean, I don't know why I'm asking when it's exactly what your first comment tried to do. And for obvious reasons they didn't appreciate it... after all what does it add? - You think this person doesn't know tests are imperfect? You think they don't know what false positives and false negatives are? Or you think they know and it's still a terrible situation, and any article about the inaccuracy prenatal tests would have reminded them of their traumatic experience that at least somewhat involved the inaccuracy prenatal tests, even if the inaccuracies involved are not exactly the same - And I mean, let's consider hypothetically they don't know for a second! Or let's say your goal was for the benefit of another reader. You're going to be the one to inform them of these things and then... ??? I mean seriously, someone reads an article that causes them to recall their child's birth which they described as a living hell. I think it's safe to say: a) the point was not asking HN strangers to tell them why they're upset with the wrong thing b) they likely understood their situation was not 1-1 with the article's situation c) they commented anyways because they were venting. And not an off-topic venting anyways, they didn't say "I hate prenatal tests that are false negative" they showed hatred for inaccurate prenatal tests which doesn't prescribe a direction and is pretty fair??? - And yes I get HN's love this place to be as sterile as an OR, but it's not every day we get an article that has this level of personal implication, so what exactly does anyone lose just letting this person vent without trying to police their emotions or "correct" their anger? If this was a website about prenatal care it'd be one thing, but posts about prenatal care make up: 0.0024% of all posts on this website. 47 mentions out of over 1 million stories. Honestly I'm shocked this even needs to be said though. This is all covered under basic social skills, but then again maybe I'm being inconsiderate of the fact that certain personal situations can affect the ability to pick up on non-verbal cues and implicit social expectations To that end, in the future: Never, ever, ask someone if they wish they had aborted a child they had. (And before you rush to say you didn't, don't even ask it implicitly.) If they feel the need to share an opinion on that they will. It's certainly not for you to ask, and even less so for you to ask an internet stranger.

jacobolus 5y ago
I didn’t understand what they were trying to say (e.g. who is supposed to be "burning in hell") and asked for clarification. Asking people to clarify when their statements are confusing/ambiguous is a pretty normal part of human conversations, and is not as a general rule intended as an attack. Nobody has a secret agenda here. Nobody (except you?) is attacking anyone, correcting them, telling them they are wrong, policing them, threatening them, insulting them, putting words in their mouth, invalidating their feelings, .... You seem to be really dramatically upset about this. I don’t really understand why (I assume you are grossly misunderstanding my intention – e.g. “hellbent”?!), but I am sorry to have deeply offended you. I sincerely hope you feel better soon.
- BoorishBears 5y ago
  The passive-aggression will only get you so far... here's the comment you seem to have already forgotten replying to: > Anyone trying to shickle a few dollars from the medical system to provide "pre-natal diagnosis" without sound science - they can come burn in the same hell I live in every day. Where's the ambiguity?! How much more clear could this be? > Anyone trying to shickle a few dollars from the medical system to provide "pre-natal diagnosis" without sound science - Or is it that you don't understand why someone would be angered by people pedaling prenatal diagnosis based on unsound science for personal gain? And doubly so someone who experienced so much pain after these types of tests failed them? > You seem to be really dramatically upset about this So you can pick up an emotional cue! (Well... actually you still seem unsure despite me being very clearly upset, so still have some ways to go.) Yes, I'm very upset I had to tell what I assume is a grown adult that casually asking people if they wish they had aborted their child is not ok! And as I write that I have to say: if you actually do have some medical situation that affects your non-verbal skills, then I do apologize for being harsh. - Otherwise if you really want me to feel better soon, stop with the flimsy runabout and be better.
  - jacobolus 5y ago
    You are repeatedly making very strong, incorrect (quite aggressively insulting) claims about my intentions based on your own invented assumptions, despite having been told directly that you were incorrect. You now claim that actually I am lying about what my intentions were. You insist that I was previously intending to be insulting and cruel and that by (a) apologizing for being insensitive and (b) denying that was my original intention I am being “passive aggressive”. (To what end do you think I would do this, and who do you think my “aggression” is aimed at? You think I am just trolling you for my own amusement?) I don’t see any way of convincing you otherwise here; continuing this conversation seems futile. Have a good day. * * * Edit: for the record, my top comment upthread is currently at net +25 votes. Apparently a whole lot of other people also found the top-level comment very confusing/ambiguous.