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My wife was married before me, it was terrible, and eventually divorced him. She would still consider my comment very applicable to someone in this kind of sit

My wife was married before me, it was terrible, and eventually divorced him. She would still consider my comment very applicable to someone in this kind of situation. The comment netted 60 upvotes...so I'm not the only one that thinks this way. It's not tone deaf, it's not discounting the pain and frustration that marriage can bring. It is challenging the pervasive self focus of our culture, over emphasis on personal happiness, and the refining benefit that persevering through suffering can bring. That hits the wrong chord for some people. So be it.

khazhoux 5y ago
> My wife was married before me, it was terrible, and eventually divorced him. And yet you dismissed my original comment with a cheap shot about my friend not honoring his wedding vow and just chasing a selfish happiness. You might consider that there are many other people who find themselves in terrible marriages, as your wife did.
- rsyring 5y ago
  Sorry you felt like I dismissed your original comment with a cheap shot. The brevity was intended to highlight the divergence between what is vowed and what really governs. Provocative, yes. But it wasn't intended to be cheap or dismissive. I'm aware of the potential apparent dissonance with my comments and my wife's divorce. But, I mentioned it deliberately. I do think divorce may sometimes be a wise answer. But, IMO, a big component of that evaluation should be what vows were actually made. You have more optimism about the general moral character of our culture. But that's likely a worldview difference and not worth delving into at this point. I will say that my insistence on moral virtue and commitment in marriage (or commitment in general even) is intended to be diagnostic in nature, not destructive. After all, it wasn't that many years ago that most in Western culture would have shared my views on marriage and vows. I don't believe that shift in culture is healthy and I point it out in the hope that if we ask the right questions, maybe we'll start getting the right answers.

khazhoux 5y ago

> My wife was married before me, it was terrible, and eventually divorced him. And yet you dismissed my original comment with a cheap shot about my friend not honoring his wedding vow and just chasing a selfish happiness. You might consider that there are many other people who find themselves in terrible marriages, as your wife did.

rsyring 5y ago
Sorry you felt like I dismissed your original comment with a cheap shot. The brevity was intended to highlight the divergence between what is vowed and what really governs. Provocative, yes. But it wasn't intended to be cheap or dismissive. I'm aware of the potential apparent dissonance with my comments and my wife's divorce. But, I mentioned it deliberately. I do think divorce may sometimes be a wise answer. But, IMO, a big component of that evaluation should be what vows were actually made. You have more optimism about the general moral character of our culture. But that's likely a worldview difference and not worth delving into at this point. I will say that my insistence on moral virtue and commitment in marriage (or commitment in general even) is intended to be diagnostic in nature, not destructive. After all, it wasn't that many years ago that most in Western culture would have shared my views on marriage and vows. I don't believe that shift in culture is healthy and I point it out in the hope that if we ask the right questions, maybe we'll start getting the right answers.