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As someone who is bipolar, this hits the nail firmly on the head. Having to deal with people is just exhausting on top of everything else. All people need to d

As someone who is bipolar, this hits the nail firmly on the head. Having to deal with people is just exhausting on top of everything else. All people need to do is listen and don’t try to fix things. But people want to fix things. If I don’t let them fix things, I’m the asshole. If they can’t fix things, it’s my job to absolve their guilt, or I’m the asshole. If I’m having suicidal thoughts, I’ve learned just say I’m “good” or “a bit tired” and change the topic. I don’t need people getting freaked out over every day problems I deal with. No one can do anything to help that isn’t already being done. I have a psychiatrist, medication, and multiple safety plans. I don’t need more help. What I need is understanding and no expectations.

fastball 5y ago
I'm glad you've got everything taken care of, but I think part of the problem is that not everyone does. Some people don't need any more help, but some people do. Hard to tell from the outside.
- kayodelycaon 5y ago
  It is hard to tell and most people don’t know what to look for. And I don’t expect them to. The problem is people do whatever they think will help instead of listening.
  - joshgrib 5y ago
    Something that's helped me in this situation is to explicitly tell people "I'm only looking for someone to listen please don't suggest anything to help". Otherwise as you said people want to help, and generally if someone is telling you an issue they are looking for a solution. It can feel weird sometimes, but I think you get way better outcomes when the person knows how you want them to respond. Then you don't have to worry about not letting them fix things or absolving guilt if they can't. If you don't expect them to know then that's a perfect reason to tell them, and you can be super nice about it and say something like "Hey I really appreciate you trying to help but the thing that will help me most right now is just listening and not suggesting anything". Edit: sorry in advance for the suggestion if it isn't what you're looking for haha, just sharing what's worked well for me
    - kayodelycaon 5y ago
      This is basically what I do with friends in private. Works well. :) The problem I run into outside of controlled situations is the same one I have with my dairy allergy. I can’t eat the food at most social events. This either makes people uncomfortable or they feel sorry for me. Then they expect me to make them feel better about my allergy. Adjust for any number of things. Anyone with ADHD ends up getting asked “have you tried writing a todo list” no matter how hard they try to avoid it.

fastball 5y ago

I'm glad you've got everything taken care of, but I think part of the problem is that not everyone does. Some people don't need any more help, but some people do. Hard to tell from the outside.

kayodelycaon 5y ago
It is hard to tell and most people don’t know what to look for. And I don’t expect them to. The problem is people do whatever they think will help instead of listening.
- joshgrib 5y ago
  Something that's helped me in this situation is to explicitly tell people "I'm only looking for someone to listen please don't suggest anything to help". Otherwise as you said people want to help, and generally if someone is telling you an issue they are looking for a solution. It can feel weird sometimes, but I think you get way better outcomes when the person knows how you want them to respond. Then you don't have to worry about not letting them fix things or absolving guilt if they can't. If you don't expect them to know then that's a perfect reason to tell them, and you can be super nice about it and say something like "Hey I really appreciate you trying to help but the thing that will help me most right now is just listening and not suggesting anything". Edit: sorry in advance for the suggestion if it isn't what you're looking for haha, just sharing what's worked well for me
  - kayodelycaon 5y ago
    This is basically what I do with friends in private. Works well. :) The problem I run into outside of controlled situations is the same one I have with my dairy allergy. I can’t eat the food at most social events. This either makes people uncomfortable or they feel sorry for me. Then they expect me to make them feel better about my allergy. Adjust for any number of things. Anyone with ADHD ends up getting asked “have you tried writing a todo list” no matter how hard they try to avoid it.