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So I'll answer this from my own perspective as someone with zero social anxiety: I won't meet someone "where they are" if where they are is "Did you see the gam

So I'll answer this from my own perspective as someone with zero social anxiety: I won't meet someone "where they are" if where they are is "Did you see the game last night?". Because they can and will have that same boring conversation with 5 people today. The difference is, I can say "What game? Oh, no, I don't follow sports at all .." but then continue talking about other stuff, and nobody feels awkward. The problem with social anxiety is that it's extremely difficult to just shoot the shit, and when you're trying to be the other end of an intensely boring conversation, for the sake of conversation, you end up looking at yourself from the third person, judging how badly you're feigning interest and failing at being human being. Which is why you store up interesting things for the next conversation, and the process just repeats itself.

jkaptur 5y ago
Thanks for explaining this. I feel like I have a better understanding.
larve 5y ago
As someone who cares 0 for sports, and I was in a conversation with that person, assuming the context lends itself to more than just smalltalk, i would ask any of the: - ice hockey? i don't know much about ice hockey, what are the rules / what makes team X so good - do you play sports yourself? what do you like? - what made you get into watching sports / how often / with whom? Either you get a sports nerd that can talk at length about games and rules and training and teams and athletes, which is fascinating in a very nerdy way. Or you get someone who plays X with their kid, or has a small dad softball team, at which point you can ask what the other dads do, get a glimpse of a social network outside of your horizon. Or you can get into someone's love of sport and what situations it helped them overcome in their life. I've had the "did you watch the game last night" conversation at airport bars and I learned so about other people from them. Knowing that people I would at first file under "loud schmuck with a basketball shirt" turns into someone who's been training every day trying to keep prison and addiction at bay is immensely intellectually enriching .
- ZephyrBlu 5y ago
  How is continuing a conversation you don't care about enjoyable? For me that's work and is emotionally draining.
  - stnmtn 5y ago
    Why do you think that just because you don't have much experience with a topic, that you can't find ways to ask questions to learn more and enjoy that conversation?
    - ZephyrBlu 5y ago
      It has nothing to do with having little experience with a topic. Some topics I simply don't find interesting and I have no desire to talk about them. Not everyone enjoys conversing for the sake of it.

jkaptur 5y ago

Thanks for explaining this. I feel like I have a better understanding.

larve 5y ago

As someone who cares 0 for sports, and I was in a conversation with that person, assuming the context lends itself to more than just smalltalk, i would ask any of the: - ice hockey? i don't know much about ice hockey, what are the rules / what makes team X so good - do you play sports yourself? what do you like? - what made you get into watching sports / how often / with whom? Either you get a sports nerd that can talk at length about games and rules and training and teams and athletes, which is fascinating in a very nerdy way. Or you get someone who plays X with their kid, or has a small dad softball team, at which point you can ask what the other dads do, get a glimpse of a social network outside of your horizon. Or you can get into someone's love of sport and what situations it helped them overcome in their life. I've had the "did you watch the game last night" conversation at airport bars and I learned so about other people from them. Knowing that people I would at first file under "loud schmuck with a basketball shirt" turns into someone who's been training every day trying to keep prison and addiction at bay is immensely intellectually enriching .

ZephyrBlu 5y ago
How is continuing a conversation you don't care about enjoyable? For me that's work and is emotionally draining.
- stnmtn 5y ago
  Why do you think that just because you don't have much experience with a topic, that you can't find ways to ask questions to learn more and enjoy that conversation?
  - ZephyrBlu 5y ago
    It has nothing to do with having little experience with a topic. Some topics I simply don't find interesting and I have no desire to talk about them. Not everyone enjoys conversing for the sake of it.