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To me it revolves around the introvert vs extrovert stuff. With myself as the model, it's not that I don't enjoy speaking to people, it's that I don't enjoy sma
by jmatthews 5y ago
To me it revolves around the introvert vs extrovert stuff. With myself as the model, it's not that I don't enjoy speaking to people, it's that I don't enjoy small talk. Give me a heady subject that is interesting and I will jump in with both feet. Rehashing the weather drains me.
- mLuby 5y agoSmall talk is a protocol for simultaneously discovering the social capabilities and topics of interest of the conversation participants. Just as a computer that doesn't support HTTPS is functional yet un-networkable, so too can a person choose not to support the small talk protocol (or to offer only obsolete versions) thereby forcing the other participants to degrade or refuse the connection. Everyone has things they're deeply interested in. If you want deep conversation you just have to muster curiosity about what they're into (and not fail the social capabilities portion of the protocol). Rarely you'll get really lucky and the person will share one of your niche interests, but it's an unreasonable expectation so don't make it your goal. I'll explicitly highlight "appropriateness" as part of those social capabilities: participants balk at philosophizing in dance clubs or slasher flicks at funerals or topics that exclude or are obviously uninteresting to others in a multiparty conversation (since 3+ participants is common at parties). Practicing the protocol makes it less draining (assuming that's what's actually draining you).