So now you know your own limits, and also your powers? This means the decision is up to you from now on :) It's too easy to blame it on circumstances: there's

So now you know your own limits, and also your powers? This means the decision is up to you from now on :) It's too easy to blame it on circumstances: there's agency in everything we do -- and responsibility about the consequences too, as you have discovered, so you can't take a cheap Schopenhauer exit ("Man can do what he wills but he cannot will what he wills") as most people generally dislike the sour feeling of guilt. As for sadness, if it works for you, why not? What works work me is imagining the people I talk to (and myself) as kids - like when we were 8 and no serious bad thoughts were ever entertained. I mean, most people would not hurt kids, even emotionally? Good! That's why it works so well :) Try tee the kid under the other person face, and you will have gained another valuable tool, maybe even more valuable as it will not require you to expose yourself to sadness, and it may even help you build connection. You can even use your charm powers for that: having a good time and helping another person have a good time through conversation is highly valuable by itself! Then maybe the anger will go away once resentment is replaced by peace with your conscience and pride in your actions. Just saying.