You might have undiagnosed social anxiety disorder or something like that which causes you to internalise a lot of unhelpful stuff. The good part of that howev

You might have undiagnosed social anxiety disorder or something like that which causes you to internalise a lot of unhelpful stuff. The good part of that however is that there are already some good clinical approaches to that which seem to have high success rates. If getting yourself a psychologist is an option to help you put together a plan I’d recommend it. Trying to figure all of this out on your own without a proper sounding board is almost certainly going to make it a much longer journey with a much lower chance of success.