You seem to think that this experience is like a feature flag you can turn on or off. It’s not. It’s an intractable part of who you are now. You can’t get rid

You seem to think that this experience is like a feature flag you can turn on or off. It’s not. It’s an intractable part of who you are now. You can’t get rid of it anymore that you can anything else in your life. Accept that it happened. Forgive whoever was a part of this, including yourself. Move on. Who you are is who you are from this moment forward. Don’t think you can go back to who you were previously. It’s impossible. Everything new builds off of today. The past may be tainted but not the future. Read those books. You can’t taint them because the taint is in the past and the book is in the future.