5 ms·

I'm in a similar situation, but I'm don't sympathize. I don't support the "doing their best" philosophy. Everybody does their best; at the very least, in the s

I'm in a similar situation, but I'm don't sympathize. I don't support the "doing their best" philosophy. Everybody does their best; at the very least, in the sense that actions are rationalized as the best in the moment. The website deals with this theme at least twice. One point is [here](https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/dysfunctional-beliefs.html https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/dysfunction...), under "Disfunctional beliefs": - If I put up with a certain level of mistreatment from my own parents, then you should put up with the same level of mistreatment from me. The real difference between parents is those who are willing to sacrifice themselves and change, and those who don't. Theraphy can help a lot, and I bet that all the abusive parents actively refuse it precisely because they don't want that change.

DarylZero 5y ago
Therapy doesn't do anything for personality disorders. Therapy can't undo the childhood traumas that cause personality disorders. A personality disorder by definition is an inability to change that begins at childhood.
- pizza234 5y ago
  Therapy is not (necessarily) a solution to the given problem; it can help handle problems. In the specific case of estranged relatives, it can establish some level of communication, which can be a very significant step.
  - DarylZero 5y ago
    A step towards what? Even in the field of psychology* it's generally accepted that personality disorders don't resolve. [*] Psychology as an analog to medical science is also a con job. Psychotherapies don't need to prove efficacy in clinical trials like drugs do. Whenever anybody does bother to do a study like that though (again -- purely voluntary) therapy never shows itself to be very effective at doing anything. But especially not for people with personality disorders.
    - pizza234 5y ago
      Towards communicating between the two parties, which is significantly better than permanently truncating contact. But also prevent certain events/developments. A minimum of progress could avoid, for example, the abusive parents calling the social services, and/or going to court, and/or receiving a restraining order. There's lots of behavior that therapy can (potentially, of course) at least mitigate or teach to handle.

DarylZero 5y ago

Therapy doesn't do anything for personality disorders. Therapy can't undo the childhood traumas that cause personality disorders. A personality disorder by definition is an inability to change that begins at childhood.

pizza234 5y ago
Therapy is not (necessarily) a solution to the given problem; it can help handle problems. In the specific case of estranged relatives, it can establish some level of communication, which can be a very significant step.
- DarylZero 5y ago
  A step towards what? Even in the field of psychology* it's generally accepted that personality disorders don't resolve. [*] Psychology as an analog to medical science is also a con job. Psychotherapies don't need to prove efficacy in clinical trials like drugs do. Whenever anybody does bother to do a study like that though (again -- purely voluntary) therapy never shows itself to be very effective at doing anything. But especially not for people with personality disorders.
  - pizza234 5y ago
    Towards communicating between the two parties, which is significantly better than permanently truncating contact. But also prevent certain events/developments. A minimum of progress could avoid, for example, the abusive parents calling the social services, and/or going to court, and/or receiving a restraining order. There's lots of behavior that therapy can (potentially, of course) at least mitigate or teach to handle.