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Yes, the child can get everything they want from the parent. The parent must sacrifice it all. Then, when they child has no need for the parent, they can find s

Yes, the child can get everything they want from the parent. The parent must sacrifice it all. Then, when they child has no need for the parent, they can find some excuse to call abuse "you birthed me, how dare you" and get rid of their parent forever. It's a convenient view for a convenient life. I should know; I've been there, done that, and I grew out of it (I think). Something about my future children being as ungrateful as I was really rankles me.

germinalphrase 5y ago
That’s an uncharitable version of what I said, but sure. My own parents were not abusive, and I wish distance didn’t make it so difficult for them to be a larger part of my family’s life. They’re flawed and have their poverty/alcoholism/death baggage - but I feel really fortunate to have had them as parents. On the other hand, I have other people in my life whose parents were abusive (including being legally defined as such). Depending on the specific dynamic, most are trying to sort out how to ‘shrink’ the relationship in a way that maintains bonds and contact but with boundaries to soften the negative parts of the relationship. For others, the relationship is actively unsafe, and they’re minimizing contact. There’s clearly some hard stuff behind your version, but the answer isn’t to swing full tilt the other way. It’s all messy and fraught - but adult children do have agency over their lives and the shape of the relationship with their parents.