6 ms·

I have half siblings like this, who tried to take the family house from me after my father (their stepfather) died. That is, they tried to take my share of it;

I have half siblings like this, who tried to take the family house from me after my father (their stepfather) died. That is, they tried to take my share of it; the will split everything equally. We split the family things up into thirds and they were caught trying to steal from my share. Crazy making it was. So much gas lighting. We are now estranged. TBH even seeing their picture upsets me.

hinkley 5y ago
I wonder if anyone here has had luck pointing out the bigger picture in these situations. Essentially they risked never talking to you again, losing a living link with their deceased step father, over what? An end table? A book case? Is this really how you want to play this out?
- bittercynic 5y ago
  If this is really about some pieces of furniture, maybe honest misunderstanding that blew up? After the passing of a grandparent I took some items home that I thought I was saving from being thrown out with the trash, but it turned out a sibling really wanted them and felt wronged that I had taken them without their approval. I think GP's situation is more serious than this, but in some cases maybe honest misunderstandings plus digging in heels causes some unnecessary grief.
  - denton-scratch 5y ago
    When my great-aunt died, there was some money which got divided up in a simple way; and a number of artifacts - furniture, nice crockery, jewellery. Most of the other heirs were women, so no jewellery for me. For the artifacts, we had a sort of auction: "Who wants this chinese vase?" I would have liked that vase, and I got the fuzzy end of the lollipop in that auction. I went away with a few articles of sentimental value, but no cash value. I reckon I got a good deal. When my father died, it was even easier; the will was a mess, if you ask me, but my sister was executor, and she did a really good job. He had been in a care home, and had already disposed of most of his personal posessions. My siblings all played very nicely, and edge cases were settled very amicably. In fact, if anything, it brought us all together. Make a will, and use a lawyer.
crookshanked 5y ago
This is definitely something I could see myself being concerned about happening. Any advice RE: lawyers/how to handle the siblings trying to bypass the will? I've been told a living trust is something to consider. Thoughts?
- TedDoesntTalk 5y ago
  Get yourself named as executor of your parents’ estate. That is spelled out in a will. If they don’t have will, get one written with you as executor. The executor is the one responsible for distributing assets (including real estate and anything of value) from the estate. You want that role.
  - mindslight 5y ago
    Ideally you want a Durable Power of Attorney as well, which gives you the power to handle their affairs while they're living (if necessary). Both for being able to take care of them, and as a trump card in case someone else does influence them into signing a new Will you can question their mental competence without ending up in a world of hurt regarding conservatorship etc. From my understanding a Living Trust is really just a way of bypassing the Will and probate process, and actually allows for less oversight. This might make things easier, or it might make it harder to get justice. There are also irrevocable trusts that allow for making designations that can't be taken back, which perhaps may fit your situation. But since they're irrevocable they need to be drafted and planned more carefully. Of course if they're not looking to you to fulfill such a role or discuss such things, then perhaps it's not your scene no matter how much you think it is. Whatever the case may be, you're better off having these conversations sooner rather than too late. IME a parent's death is when all those unresolved childhood disagreements come back to roost.
    - denton-scratch 5y ago
      I've done this. I made a will in favour of my two kids; and lasting powers of attorney, to cover the eventuality that I become mentally incompetent, but fail to pop my socks. The will is scrupulously fair - straight 50:50 split, no special provision for need or whatever. Both kids are named as executors. I bung them some money from time to time, especially if one of them is in need. I always give them both the same amount, even if the other isn't in need. My hope is that they won't fall out over my legacy. I don't think they will. Greedy, grasping offspring is a thing. I have friends who have that problem. They don't care to spend time with their offspring, because of tedious conversations about money. I'm so glad I don't have that problem. My kids never ask me for money, even if I invite them to ("Are you OK for money?") I never asked my parents for money either - I didn't want to feel beholden to them.
deleted 5y ago
[deleted]

hinkley 5y ago

I wonder if anyone here has had luck pointing out the bigger picture in these situations. Essentially they risked never talking to you again, losing a living link with their deceased step father, over what? An end table? A book case? Is this really how you want to play this out?

bittercynic 5y ago
If this is really about some pieces of furniture, maybe honest misunderstanding that blew up? After the passing of a grandparent I took some items home that I thought I was saving from being thrown out with the trash, but it turned out a sibling really wanted them and felt wronged that I had taken them without their approval. I think GP's situation is more serious than this, but in some cases maybe honest misunderstandings plus digging in heels causes some unnecessary grief.
- denton-scratch 5y ago
  When my great-aunt died, there was some money which got divided up in a simple way; and a number of artifacts - furniture, nice crockery, jewellery. Most of the other heirs were women, so no jewellery for me. For the artifacts, we had a sort of auction: "Who wants this chinese vase?" I would have liked that vase, and I got the fuzzy end of the lollipop in that auction. I went away with a few articles of sentimental value, but no cash value. I reckon I got a good deal. When my father died, it was even easier; the will was a mess, if you ask me, but my sister was executor, and she did a really good job. He had been in a care home, and had already disposed of most of his personal posessions. My siblings all played very nicely, and edge cases were settled very amicably. In fact, if anything, it brought us all together. Make a will, and use a lawyer.

crookshanked 5y ago

This is definitely something I could see myself being concerned about happening. Any advice RE: lawyers/how to handle the siblings trying to bypass the will? I've been told a living trust is something to consider. Thoughts?

TedDoesntTalk 5y ago
Get yourself named as executor of your parents’ estate. That is spelled out in a will. If they don’t have will, get one written with you as executor. The executor is the one responsible for distributing assets (including real estate and anything of value) from the estate. You want that role.
- mindslight 5y ago
  Ideally you want a Durable Power of Attorney as well, which gives you the power to handle their affairs while they're living (if necessary). Both for being able to take care of them, and as a trump card in case someone else does influence them into signing a new Will you can question their mental competence without ending up in a world of hurt regarding conservatorship etc. From my understanding a Living Trust is really just a way of bypassing the Will and probate process, and actually allows for less oversight. This might make things easier, or it might make it harder to get justice. There are also irrevocable trusts that allow for making designations that can't be taken back, which perhaps may fit your situation. But since they're irrevocable they need to be drafted and planned more carefully. Of course if they're not looking to you to fulfill such a role or discuss such things, then perhaps it's not your scene no matter how much you think it is. Whatever the case may be, you're better off having these conversations sooner rather than too late. IME a parent's death is when all those unresolved childhood disagreements come back to roost.
  - denton-scratch 5y ago
    I've done this. I made a will in favour of my two kids; and lasting powers of attorney, to cover the eventuality that I become mentally incompetent, but fail to pop my socks. The will is scrupulously fair - straight 50:50 split, no special provision for need or whatever. Both kids are named as executors. I bung them some money from time to time, especially if one of them is in need. I always give them both the same amount, even if the other isn't in need. My hope is that they won't fall out over my legacy. I don't think they will. Greedy, grasping offspring is a thing. I have friends who have that problem. They don't care to spend time with their offspring, because of tedious conversations about money. I'm so glad I don't have that problem. My kids never ask me for money, even if I invite them to ("Are you OK for money?") I never asked my parents for money either - I didn't want to feel beholden to them.

deleted 5y ago

[deleted]