I don't know how to reconcile them, and it's something I've been struggling to do for quite a while. Even when I was younger I didn't really believe, so going t

I don't know how to reconcile them, and it's something I've been struggling to do for quite a while. Even when I was younger I didn't really believe, so going through the motions of spiritual practices I don't find particularly fulfilling to appease others is a familiar state of being. I sometimes find a nice feeling of belonging when I do these things, but that feeling is hard to maintain when my community hates my existence and would cast me out in a heartbeat if I was public about who I am.