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Wow. Yeah it sounds like your intuition is calling out an important issue. Personally I have three almost-teens and we had to learn the best parenting style for

Wow. Yeah it sounds like your intuition is calling out an important issue. Personally I have three almost-teens and we had to learn the best parenting style for each kid as well as for ourselves and the ways we interfaced with those children. When we got medical advice that was really off, we generally ended up changing providers. Overall it was most important to learn each child's pace and preferences early on, so we could support them rather than building all this unnecessary scaffolding. If you are looking for objective resources and inputs, checking with strangers like this is a good idea in that you can get a nice sample in some ways, from people who may think like you. You might also check in with your doc, share what you're doing in practice, and tell them that something has got to give here, see what they say. If the doc thinks nothing can give, that's where I'd start to check in with other medical professionals and see what's going on and what other options you have. There are thousands of different child development perspectives, philosophies, and practices. In the end, you, your partner, and your child will be the ones who really have to be comfortable and compatible with whatever tools you use. Good luck to you and please take care of yourself. Healthy kids are great but healthy parents are also important.

nefitty 5y ago
This is reassuring. I don't have kids, but I'm already stressed out about not messing up my potential future children. On the same note, to paraphrase Penn & Teller, anyone who feels compelled to obsess over their child's development is probably going to do fine, by virtue of their concern. Kids just need you to love and care for them, the best you can, not perfectly.
- gumby 5y ago
  > I don't have kids, but I'm already stressed out about not messing up my potential future children. People are full of unasked advice* (esp but not only relatives). If you read a bunch of books you'll find they offer opposite advice. So we found it handy when someone said "oh you must do X and stop doing Y" we learnt to say, "Funny you should say that because book Z said the opposite!" Eventually we realized you didn't need to read the book in the first place; you could still say that. One super weird thing is that people seem to want to tell horror stories to pregnant women ("I was in labour for 20 hours", "this terrible thing went wrong"). I don't know why they are so mean; in the overwhelming number of cases they are fine -- else nobody would have more than one! * I assume your comment was an "ask" :-)
  - nefitty 5y ago
    Not specifically an ask, but always open to thoughts :)

nefitty 5y ago

This is reassuring. I don't have kids, but I'm already stressed out about not messing up my potential future children. On the same note, to paraphrase Penn & Teller, anyone who feels compelled to obsess over their child's development is probably going to do fine, by virtue of their concern. Kids just need you to love and care for them, the best you can, not perfectly.

gumby 5y ago
> I don't have kids, but I'm already stressed out about not messing up my potential future children. People are full of unasked advice* (esp but not only relatives). If you read a bunch of books you'll find they offer opposite advice. So we found it handy when someone said "oh you must do X and stop doing Y" we learnt to say, "Funny you should say that because book Z said the opposite!" Eventually we realized you didn't need to read the book in the first place; you could still say that. One super weird thing is that people seem to want to tell horror stories to pregnant women ("I was in labour for 20 hours", "this terrible thing went wrong"). I don't know why they are so mean; in the overwhelming number of cases they are fine -- else nobody would have more than one! * I assume your comment was an "ask" :-)
- nefitty 5y ago
  Not specifically an ask, but always open to thoughts :)