7 ms·

There’s a lot of good stuff in here, things I’ve used in my personal life to great effect. The really important thing here (that’s hinted at towards the end) i

There’s a lot of good stuff in here, things I’ve used in my personal life to great effect. The really important thing here (that’s hinted at towards the end) is moderation. Do some of these things. A little at a time. Find what works and what doesn’t. Saying the truth no matter what the cost is extremely dangerous advice to follow literally. Pick battles you can win. Know when saying the truth matters and when it doesn’t. Know when your “truth” is just another opinion no one around you at that moment agrees with. As my dad always told me, “you can be dead right.” Life is too short to be miserable trying to obtain someone else’s goals. It is too short to optimize everything. Remember that happiness in the moment matters. (But not at the expense of the future.) You’ll never find me reading a book I don’t like or skipping using GPS, because things cause more stress than benefit. Having a car break down and having a magical moment because of it? Do the opposite. Actively seek those moments by finding people to help instead of waiting for the moment to happen. If I have any advice to add, it is be honest and be kind. Fight when you need to fight, make peace when you don’t. You don’t need to fix everything, just make the world better by being in it.

duxup 5y ago
> Saying the truth no matter what the cost is extremely dangerous advice to follow literally. And there’s the risk that you could be wrong… and / or just do more damage than good.
- retrocryptid 5y ago
  another way to think about it is if you reach a point where telling the truth no matter the cost, then maybe the path you've followed is sub-optimal. but yes, this doesn't help you if you find yourself in that position.
- giantg2 5y ago
  Often times people don't want to hear the truth. A classic example in my own life was the gender wage gap in the late 2000s and early 2010s, especially with the Obama (forget the year) state of the union with the "all things equal" comment. A complete misunderstanding of the data by the majority of the population, and filled with highly charged emotions. Sometimes it's dangerous to be right.
- topkai22 5y ago
  How you say what you perceive as the truth matters a lot. For example, saying “I believe this to be true” has a different effect then saying “ this is the truth.” Providing the reasoning behind conclusions can also help- “I believe that unlimited migration is harmful to those poorest of those already here and that the rule of law is incredibly important, so I’m opposed to extending a path to citizenship” or “all human beings deserve the same dignity and from a practical standpoint an undocumented immigrant that has been working, paying taxes, and staying out of trouble is more worthy of citizenship than many who gained it simply at birth, so I support a pathway to citizenship.” Both statements may still be problematic depending on the circumstances (where depending on the circumstances, the best option may be to say nothing) but they are far better than saying “illegal immigrations wrong” or “giving people a pathway to citizenship is the right thing to do.”
  - throwaway55421 5y ago
    This is true in a logical sense, but also very impractical to actually apply. You end up being drawn into super long winded discussions about minor details. If that's what you actually want, that's fine. But a lot of the time you just want to resolve a deadlock.
akiselev 5y ago
> Pick battles you can win. Know when saying the truth matters and when it doesn’t. Great rules to live by. My own little corollary: learn which rules can be bent and which ones to disregard completely. They're not all created - or enforced - equally. Win build on each other like compound interest. So does confidence. The two are almost inextricably linked.
jquery 5y ago
> Saying the truth no matter what the cost is extremely dangerous advice to follow literally. An example I use is someone knocks on your door and asks if you know where Maria is. You do, and you’re sheltering her. If you tell the truth, the person at the door will kill Maria. If you lie and say “I haven’t seen Maria”, the person will leave and continue looking elsewhere. In this case, telling a lie is the moral thing, and telling the truth would be evil.
- amcoastal 5y ago
  A common anecdote from Kant. Im not Kantian but I think (feel) that he is somewhat right that the lie IS wrong. I think the key is that no one can be perfect, and sometimes you have to make a decision between two things that are wrong. In this case lying is much less wrong than not.
  - kibwen 5y ago
    This suggest a sort of morality that contains the axiom "lying is always wrong", which then demands torturous philosophical gymnastics in order to justify one's actions in circumstances when lying is obviously right. To say that lying is sometimes right does not diminish the merit of truthfulness, rather it is an acknowledgement that communication is a means to an end, and not the end itself.
  - Der_Einzige 5y ago
    This is why I reject the categorical imperative. The claim kant makes is that you still lie because it's more unethical to normalize a society of people being given up to murderers than it is to normalize a society of (white?)-liars. I claim that this has degenerated into utilitarianism. This is also word for word what scopenhaur (a huge fan of kant) has to say about Kant's categorical imperative in his critique of Kant's ideas...
- 323 5y ago
  Someone who is unable to lie is classified by psychiatrists as "cognitively impaired".
- 5y ago
mystickphoenix 5y ago
> You don’t need to fix everything, just make the world better by being in it. I wish more people would follow this advice. I've made it a habit to try to make the world an infinitesimally better place every day. It doesn't always work out, but the effort is a huge boon to my mental health and maybe I succeed and the world is a better place.
- ThinkBeat 5y ago
  This is a demanding thing to achieve. The road to hel is paved with good intentions. Philospy spends a lot of literature on how to tell if what you are doing is making the world any better? History, current history is filled with examples of "making it better" and doing enormous damage. Is your intent when you do the action what is important? Or is it how your action is received in the moment? Or what a spectator might conclude. Or is it the eventual consequences of your action that is important? Or none of the above. Your intent is selfish. I want to be a person who makes the world a better place. Do you do so in a vacuum? You do the act, and then never ever speak about it to anyone. Or is the real goal the adoration of those you "tell"? (Innocently and self deprecating of course) If you were (or are) an evangelical Chrisitan, sharing the word of God, and saving souls would be the greatest good you could ever accomplish. "Today I shared the Word with 5 people. " Those 5 people may have found a person rambling about God to be unwelcome. Annoying. Rude. Or maybe one was in a deep crisis, and he was moved and accepted Christ and his life took meaning from it. His life got better and afterwards he kept a good job, got married, had wonderful kids. Or a person who was rambled at has terrible trauma from childhood from being sexually abused by a Catholic priest and this forceable reminder brings him over the edge, and he kills himself 20 minutes later in a public toilet. Maybe one is a woman who was viciously demonized by protesters for having an abortion two weeks ago. This most unwelcome vocal assault by another right-wing misogynist is what finally drives her to take a stand and gets involved in politics, changes her major to political science and many years Later she is a senator who casts a deciding vote in something she think is wonderful Did this evangelical guy make the world better?
  - a_t48 5y ago
    Perfect is the enemy of good here I think :)
soperj 5y ago
>You’ll never find me reading a book I don’t like Some of the best books I've ever read I didn't like at first. Love in Time of Cholera was an absolute slog for the first 89 pages, I didn't actually get through those pages the first time I tried to read it. It's one of my all time favourite books. First 30 pages of Dune were similar. Found the same with another book by Dostoevsky.
- willhinsa 5y ago
  Which Dostoevsky book?
  - e40 5y ago
    I’m at that stage with The Brothers Karamazov right now. I have no idea what people see in it. Book 1 chapter 5.
    - notsureaboutpg 5y ago
    - funksta 5y ago
      The first 100-200 pages were a slog for me too. But pushing through was completely worth it, it's a masterpiece IMO
    - bryanrasmussen 5y ago
      Dostoevsky is one of those authors for me whom I just really cannot stand when reading the book, but there are always quotes from them and critical interpretations of them that I find absolutely amazing. Hemingway is the same, except for The Old Man and The Sea.
    - xwolfi 5y ago
      Get up to the Grand Inquisitor story. You can stop after that, that's the peak for me, it went downhill from there. It wasn't really fun to read. But like all russian novels, it's very long, devoid of adventure, full of characters you forget constantly. You read them to experience the russian soul, not to have fun. The best Dostoievsky for me is "The Player", one of the shortest and one whose lessons I constantly quote, especially around a horse race or a casino lol. If you want enjoyable classics, Alexandre Dumas or Theophile Gautier are my go to but Im French so maybe the anglo world has some authors too as brilliant as Dumas but I doubt it. The best russian classic is Master and Margherita, it's a bit less slow than average but Boulgakov is special (a bit their Kafka).
catillac 5y ago
Taking the book example further, I’ve often found that doing something I don’t like in the moment can more than make up for it in long term happiness or skills gained. Skiing is a good example for me. I hated skiing, hated learning it, hated driving out to the mountain to do it. After putting in a lot of work, now I absolutely enjoy it and look forward to it seasonally and treasure all the memories I have created.
akomtu 5y ago
Sounds like the buddha's middle path (that's a half serious remark). Those books also add that it's important to keep your thoughts, emotions, words and actions aligned, but like you say, nowhere those books say that you should express your opinion unprompted on every corner, and silence is a good answer when truth would only make things worse.
fnord123 5y ago
> Pick battles you can win Don't forget to pick some battles to make sure you still know how to battle. And pick some where you will lose so you can grow.
- kayodelycaon 5y ago
  I’m not advising caution. I’m advising prudence. Choose where it’s worth putting your energy. This is the “fight we’re you need to fight” bit I mentioned. Me arguing with my father about politics during thanksgiving is generally fruitless. Taking some time the next day discussing our assumptions and benefits that are behind our different beliefs? Generally a better approach and we can easily agree or disagree on single points. I may not “win” but both of us will know more about each other and have more respect for each other. (Or less. At least we didn’t yell and drag relatives in.)
ignoramous 5y ago
> The really important thing here (that’s hinted at towards the end) is moderation. Indeed. Arabs have this concept of al-Wasattiyah borrowed from Islam, which means middle / balanced / avoid extremes / compromise / weaken: "Al-Wasatiyyah... means excellence, rightfully balanced, just and fair in all aspects... Balance without any excessiveness in human life." https://oxford.universitypressscholarship.com/view/10.1093/acprof:oso/9780190226831.001.0001/acprof-9780190226831 https://oxford.universitypressscholarship.com/view/10.1093/a...

duxup 5y ago

> Saying the truth no matter what the cost is extremely dangerous advice to follow literally. And there’s the risk that you could be wrong… and / or just do more damage than good.

retrocryptid 5y ago
another way to think about it is if you reach a point where telling the truth no matter the cost, then maybe the path you've followed is sub-optimal. but yes, this doesn't help you if you find yourself in that position.
giantg2 5y ago
Often times people don't want to hear the truth. A classic example in my own life was the gender wage gap in the late 2000s and early 2010s, especially with the Obama (forget the year) state of the union with the "all things equal" comment. A complete misunderstanding of the data by the majority of the population, and filled with highly charged emotions. Sometimes it's dangerous to be right.
topkai22 5y ago
How you say what you perceive as the truth matters a lot. For example, saying “I believe this to be true” has a different effect then saying “ this is the truth.” Providing the reasoning behind conclusions can also help- “I believe that unlimited migration is harmful to those poorest of those already here and that the rule of law is incredibly important, so I’m opposed to extending a path to citizenship” or “all human beings deserve the same dignity and from a practical standpoint an undocumented immigrant that has been working, paying taxes, and staying out of trouble is more worthy of citizenship than many who gained it simply at birth, so I support a pathway to citizenship.” Both statements may still be problematic depending on the circumstances (where depending on the circumstances, the best option may be to say nothing) but they are far better than saying “illegal immigrations wrong” or “giving people a pathway to citizenship is the right thing to do.”
- throwaway55421 5y ago
  This is true in a logical sense, but also very impractical to actually apply. You end up being drawn into super long winded discussions about minor details. If that's what you actually want, that's fine. But a lot of the time you just want to resolve a deadlock.

akiselev 5y ago

> Pick battles you can win. Know when saying the truth matters and when it doesn’t. Great rules to live by. My own little corollary: learn which rules can be bent and which ones to disregard completely. They're not all created - or enforced - equally. Win build on each other like compound interest. So does confidence. The two are almost inextricably linked.

jquery 5y ago

> Saying the truth no matter what the cost is extremely dangerous advice to follow literally. An example I use is someone knocks on your door and asks if you know where Maria is. You do, and you’re sheltering her. If you tell the truth, the person at the door will kill Maria. If you lie and say “I haven’t seen Maria”, the person will leave and continue looking elsewhere. In this case, telling a lie is the moral thing, and telling the truth would be evil.

amcoastal 5y ago
A common anecdote from Kant. Im not Kantian but I think (feel) that he is somewhat right that the lie IS wrong. I think the key is that no one can be perfect, and sometimes you have to make a decision between two things that are wrong. In this case lying is much less wrong than not.
- kibwen 5y ago
  This suggest a sort of morality that contains the axiom "lying is always wrong", which then demands torturous philosophical gymnastics in order to justify one's actions in circumstances when lying is obviously right. To say that lying is sometimes right does not diminish the merit of truthfulness, rather it is an acknowledgement that communication is a means to an end, and not the end itself.
- Der_Einzige 5y ago
  This is why I reject the categorical imperative. The claim kant makes is that you still lie because it's more unethical to normalize a society of people being given up to murderers than it is to normalize a society of (white?)-liars. I claim that this has degenerated into utilitarianism. This is also word for word what scopenhaur (a huge fan of kant) has to say about Kant's categorical imperative in his critique of Kant's ideas...
323 5y ago
Someone who is unable to lie is classified by psychiatrists as "cognitively impaired".
5y ago

mystickphoenix 5y ago

> You don’t need to fix everything, just make the world better by being in it. I wish more people would follow this advice. I've made it a habit to try to make the world an infinitesimally better place every day. It doesn't always work out, but the effort is a huge boon to my mental health and maybe I succeed and the world is a better place.

ThinkBeat 5y ago
This is a demanding thing to achieve. The road to hel is paved with good intentions. Philospy spends a lot of literature on how to tell if what you are doing is making the world any better? History, current history is filled with examples of "making it better" and doing enormous damage. Is your intent when you do the action what is important? Or is it how your action is received in the moment? Or what a spectator might conclude. Or is it the eventual consequences of your action that is important? Or none of the above. Your intent is selfish. I want to be a person who makes the world a better place. Do you do so in a vacuum? You do the act, and then never ever speak about it to anyone. Or is the real goal the adoration of those you "tell"? (Innocently and self deprecating of course) If you were (or are) an evangelical Chrisitan, sharing the word of God, and saving souls would be the greatest good you could ever accomplish. "Today I shared the Word with 5 people. " Those 5 people may have found a person rambling about God to be unwelcome. Annoying. Rude. Or maybe one was in a deep crisis, and he was moved and accepted Christ and his life took meaning from it. His life got better and afterwards he kept a good job, got married, had wonderful kids. Or a person who was rambled at has terrible trauma from childhood from being sexually abused by a Catholic priest and this forceable reminder brings him over the edge, and he kills himself 20 minutes later in a public toilet. Maybe one is a woman who was viciously demonized by protesters for having an abortion two weeks ago. This most unwelcome vocal assault by another right-wing misogynist is what finally drives her to take a stand and gets involved in politics, changes her major to political science and many years Later she is a senator who casts a deciding vote in something she think is wonderful Did this evangelical guy make the world better?
- a_t48 5y ago
  Perfect is the enemy of good here I think :)

soperj 5y ago

>You’ll never find me reading a book I don’t like Some of the best books I've ever read I didn't like at first. Love in Time of Cholera was an absolute slog for the first 89 pages, I didn't actually get through those pages the first time I tried to read it. It's one of my all time favourite books. First 30 pages of Dune were similar. Found the same with another book by Dostoevsky.

willhinsa 5y ago
Which Dostoevsky book?
- e40 5y ago
  I’m at that stage with The Brothers Karamazov right now. I have no idea what people see in it. Book 1 chapter 5.
  - notsureaboutpg 5y ago
  - funksta 5y ago
    The first 100-200 pages were a slog for me too. But pushing through was completely worth it, it's a masterpiece IMO
  - bryanrasmussen 5y ago
    Dostoevsky is one of those authors for me whom I just really cannot stand when reading the book, but there are always quotes from them and critical interpretations of them that I find absolutely amazing. Hemingway is the same, except for The Old Man and The Sea.
  - xwolfi 5y ago
    Get up to the Grand Inquisitor story. You can stop after that, that's the peak for me, it went downhill from there. It wasn't really fun to read. But like all russian novels, it's very long, devoid of adventure, full of characters you forget constantly. You read them to experience the russian soul, not to have fun. The best Dostoievsky for me is "The Player", one of the shortest and one whose lessons I constantly quote, especially around a horse race or a casino lol. If you want enjoyable classics, Alexandre Dumas or Theophile Gautier are my go to but Im French so maybe the anglo world has some authors too as brilliant as Dumas but I doubt it. The best russian classic is Master and Margherita, it's a bit less slow than average but Boulgakov is special (a bit their Kafka).

catillac 5y ago

Taking the book example further, I’ve often found that doing something I don’t like in the moment can more than make up for it in long term happiness or skills gained. Skiing is a good example for me. I hated skiing, hated learning it, hated driving out to the mountain to do it. After putting in a lot of work, now I absolutely enjoy it and look forward to it seasonally and treasure all the memories I have created.

akomtu 5y ago

Sounds like the buddha's middle path (that's a half serious remark). Those books also add that it's important to keep your thoughts, emotions, words and actions aligned, but like you say, nowhere those books say that you should express your opinion unprompted on every corner, and silence is a good answer when truth would only make things worse.

fnord123 5y ago

> Pick battles you can win Don't forget to pick some battles to make sure you still know how to battle. And pick some where you will lose so you can grow.

kayodelycaon 5y ago
I’m not advising caution. I’m advising prudence. Choose where it’s worth putting your energy. This is the “fight we’re you need to fight” bit I mentioned. Me arguing with my father about politics during thanksgiving is generally fruitless. Taking some time the next day discussing our assumptions and benefits that are behind our different beliefs? Generally a better approach and we can easily agree or disagree on single points. I may not “win” but both of us will know more about each other and have more respect for each other. (Or less. At least we didn’t yell and drag relatives in.)

ignoramous 5y ago

> The really important thing here (that’s hinted at towards the end) is moderation. Indeed. Arabs have this concept of al-Wasattiyah borrowed from Islam, which means middle / balanced / avoid extremes / compromise / weaken: "Al-Wasatiyyah... means excellence, rightfully balanced, just and fair in all aspects... Balance without any excessiveness in human life." https://oxford.universitypressscholarship.com/view/10.1093/acprof:oso/9780190226831.001.0001/acprof-9780190226831 https://oxford.universitypressscholarship.com/view/10.1093/a...