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I'm going to assume there's no ill will or frustration in your comment. To answer it directly and plainly, and from my experience only, the social challenges o

I'm going to assume there's no ill will or frustration in your comment. To answer it directly and plainly, and from my experience only, the social challenges of autism are such a huge part. And so, sharing that with people I was closest to, gave me something to point to when things would get awkward or misunderstood. For example, it wasn't uncommon for people to not understand why I didn't see something the way they did. Under the lens of an autism diagnosis, it helped to explain that difference. And if I share that with you, the tension that arises next time will (hopefully) be lessened and better understood. There's a great deal of confusion and feeling of being misunderstood that seems to be common with folks on the spectrum, and especially for myself. So to be able to put a name and understanding to that confusion gap is a massive relief. But there's a limit on that relief/understanding if I don't share that with you.

whatshisface 5y ago
>For example, it wasn't uncommon for people to not understand why I didn't see something the way they did. I may be extremely cynical in saying this, but I am imagining you disagreeing with someone, and them being upset by that. Then you tell them you have autism, which allows them to resolve the discomfort of being disagreed with... by allowing them to switch into smile-and-patronize mode. Smiling and patronizing is an emotional state where you're not really listening to someone, while acting positive about the fact that they're talking. It's used on children to the endless frustration of smarter kids.
- benwills 5y ago
  I'd agree that's an extremely cynical way of saying it. I don't disclose it to people I'm not generally close with. And I have never disclosed it at the precise moment of disagreement. It's always been a separate conversation. I have had plenty of disagreements with people who don't know I'm on the spectrum. And if I wish to not disclose that to them, then it's my responsibility to do my best to make sense of the interaction. I may do that alone, or I may do my best to ask more questions to try and understand what they're saying. Or I may speak to the symptom before asking for clarification; "I sometimes miss people's intent or subtext. Can you be more specific?" Disclosing it to those that are closer to me provides context for future interactions that I'm not trying to be difficult and that I may genuinely not understand what's being presented. It's their choice how to adjust future interactions with me.
- benwills 5y ago
  Also, it seems like you may have a number of notions as to how autistic people interact with others. I'm obviously not sure if you've actually had interactions like this, or if you anticipate for some reason that people would react to you in that way. But it may be worth considering that the things you've posted here are very likely to be very far off from the norm. And if you've had consistent interactions that have predisposed you to feel the way it seems like you may, it's worth considering that you may just be interacting with someone with other personality traits in there that may not be autism-related. But if you haven't had these kinds of interactions with people on the spectrum, I'd suggest to you that your preconceptions are very different from my experiences.

whatshisface 5y ago

>For example, it wasn't uncommon for people to not understand why I didn't see something the way they did. I may be extremely cynical in saying this, but I am imagining you disagreeing with someone, and them being upset by that. Then you tell them you have autism, which allows them to resolve the discomfort of being disagreed with... by allowing them to switch into smile-and-patronize mode. Smiling and patronizing is an emotional state where you're not really listening to someone, while acting positive about the fact that they're talking. It's used on children to the endless frustration of smarter kids.

benwills 5y ago
I'd agree that's an extremely cynical way of saying it. I don't disclose it to people I'm not generally close with. And I have never disclosed it at the precise moment of disagreement. It's always been a separate conversation. I have had plenty of disagreements with people who don't know I'm on the spectrum. And if I wish to not disclose that to them, then it's my responsibility to do my best to make sense of the interaction. I may do that alone, or I may do my best to ask more questions to try and understand what they're saying. Or I may speak to the symptom before asking for clarification; "I sometimes miss people's intent or subtext. Can you be more specific?" Disclosing it to those that are closer to me provides context for future interactions that I'm not trying to be difficult and that I may genuinely not understand what's being presented. It's their choice how to adjust future interactions with me.
benwills 5y ago
Also, it seems like you may have a number of notions as to how autistic people interact with others. I'm obviously not sure if you've actually had interactions like this, or if you anticipate for some reason that people would react to you in that way. But it may be worth considering that the things you've posted here are very likely to be very far off from the norm. And if you've had consistent interactions that have predisposed you to feel the way it seems like you may, it's worth considering that you may just be interacting with someone with other personality traits in there that may not be autism-related. But if you haven't had these kinds of interactions with people on the spectrum, I'd suggest to you that your preconceptions are very different from my experiences.