4 ms·
I was exactly in your situation 2 years ago (at the start of COVID) and I know what you're going through. I'm not going to tell you to "stay strong" , emotions
by swat535 5y ago
I was exactly in your situation 2 years ago (at the start of COVID) and I know what you're going through. I'm not going to tell you to "stay strong" , emotions are a natural thing and should not be suppressed and it's ok to be vulnerable.
However, there are a few things that helped me get through the dark times, I am writing them below in the hopes that you may find them useful:
1. Exercise, this is absolutely critical. If you have never done it, it's ok, Julian has a great guide to get started: https://www.julian.com/guide/muscle/intro https://www.julian.com/guide/muscle/intro but there are also lots of guides online.
2. Nutrition is another one, stay away from junk food. Your brain will try to find comfort in high calorie / sugary foods, don't let it win. Eat vegetables and proteins instead.
3. Sleep is a tough one, but also important. Do whatever you need to sleep (exercising will help a lot). Your brain will keep you up at night, learn to recognize this pattern and avoid it when you can.
4. Make a plan. Grab a blank sheet of paper and think of one goal you would like to accomplish, then make the task into smaller sub tasks and from there derive a schedule for achieving it. This will help you stay productive and improve your state of mind.
5. Research. This oddly helped me a lot, I started researching psychology, relationships, listened to "dating" advice (I know.. some speakers were good, some were trash but I enjoyed them nonetheless), TED talks, books, etc.
6. Join communities. If you're an introvert like I am, this is difficult at first but you can start slow. I did this slowly, made a few friends online, then worked up the courage to join discord, then started messaging some of my old friends on Facebook, then had some phone calls and eventually met people face to face (whenever COVID restrictions would allow of course)
7. Don't reach out to your ex, when she/he calls you (and they will) don't respond, avoid contact with their families, don't read old messages, delete their picture, etc Trust me, you have been shot with high caliber rounds right now, you need to heal and they will only get in the way of it.
- abzug 5y agoThank you so much for this. I'm already doing some (2, 4, 5) others are planned for 2022 (1, 3, 6). But 7 is brutal. I was going to propose but things changed. Anyway, again: thank you very much. This is very appreciated. Very kind of you.
- mym1990 5y agoJust the fact that you are already doing things to bounce back is amazing. All of your experiences would be hard to handle as one offs, but you are an incredibly strong individual for having all 3 happen at the same time. Take it a little bit at a time…I know HN can’t be with you in person, but we are with you in spirit!
- gordon_freeman 5y agoAlso would like to add one more: Read books especially ones that motivate you. I was in similar boat as you are a few years ago and the books like "The Checklist Manifesto" and "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living" helped me immensely.
- johndubchak 5y agoThis cannot be overstated - the uplifting effect of the written word feels much more potent than hearing it from a friend or scouring YouTube videos. I have found this book (https://tinyurl.com/4k27x6s9 https://tinyurl.com/4k27x6s9) to be a wonderful resource. I know there are many more to recommend, but I would start with the basics. *EDIT - spelling.
- neycoda 5y agoThe best way to get over somebody is to get under somebody else. Or over them. Or behind, or in front, or over cam, or whatever position and/or food/substance does it for you.
- TedDoesntTalk 5y agoI went from a completely sedentary desk life to running a half-marathon in 7 months (includes a 1 month groin injury). On a treadmill, training myself. You can do it, too, and the effect on mood is spectacular. In fact the effect on mood comes way before a half-marathon. So don’t get overwhelmed and think you have to do that much.
- abzug 5y agoThanks, I have plans to exercise coming 2022.
- addnab 5y agoDon't wait till 2022 or even tomorrow. You need to train your mind to see good habits like exercising as something fundamental as breathing instead of a chore. Start today. It can be little as single push up or a 10 sec plank. Start tiny and work your way up. Churning out a quick 25 pushups will soon be easy and effortless in a couple of months time if you can only do 1 today. I'm not a fan of self help books in general but Atomic Habits really changed my mindset for good.
- akavel 5y agoI heartily recommend the r/bodyweightfitness's Recommended Routine (https://old.reddit.com/r/bodyweightfitness/wiki/kb/recommended_routine https://old.reddit.com/r/bodyweightfitness/wiki/kb/recommend...). I found it extremely reasonable, convincing, and beginner-friendly. It has detailed progressions on what to start from if you can't do a pushup or other (all the way up to if you can do it on one hand or whatever), and is absolutely not condescending, instead gives amazingly practical advice. It doesn't ask you to do more than 8 repetitions of any major exercise ever in a series, regardless how advanced you are, and there's whole ton of explanations why it's enough and why physiologically the freaking breaks between exercises are important and must not be shortened. I found it amazingly anti-bullshit yet super approachable.
- addnab 5y ago