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Meet up groups, popping to the pub for lunch and meeting the locals, knocking on neighbour's doors to introduce yourself, asking an old friend if they want to c

Meet up groups, popping to the pub for lunch and meeting the locals, knocking on neighbour's doors to introduce yourself, asking an old friend if they want to come over and play some Goldeneye. You just have to actually do it. For disclosure though, I don't work remotely, the benefits (mainly skipping a bit of cycling each day) seem minor to me compared to the downsides. And I never stopped socializing to begin with since I think corona is overblown, so I'm maintaining and adding to social groups. I have lost a lot of friends too, of course.

watwut 5y ago
> popping to the pub for lunch and meeting the locals, knocking on neighbour's doors to introduce yoursel No one will talk to you in pub, "locals" are with their established friend group or at home. And knocking to introduce yourself is weird, and still people won't socialize with you because you knocked. They have own plans and ow isolated lifes
- throwaway55421 5y ago
  Introducing yourself to your neighbours is too "weird" for you? Well, revealed preferences I guess. Best of luck. I enjoy chatting to my neighbours and I'd have no issue with them popping in for a cup of tea.
  - watwut 5y ago
    Yes it is. People don't do that. No one goes through apartment complex knocking on doors and introducing themselves. By no one I literally means no one. And it is not a thing that would be done in the past either.
    - throwaway55421 5y ago
      It's interesting that we can have such different life experiences. Well, me and my neighbours are happy to be weird in your view. You do you. I don't think you're weird btw, just less social I guess?
      - jlokier 5y ago
        > I don't think you're weird btw, just less social I guess? It's not the GP being less social - it's their neighbours as well. They said other people don't knock, which is what make it seem like it would come over as a weird if they did it themselves. That chimes with my experience. In ~25 years of living in many different places, I don't think I've ever had my door knocked on by neighbours for an introduction or friendly chat. Only by people I already know, and that's rare too. (I don't live near anyone that I know). So I wouldn't knock on a neighbour's door. I'd feel uncomfortable, intruding on other people's private lives. It's not like I'm not social. I like people and would probably enjoy knowing my neighbours better. (Though not during this pandemic - I haven't mingled indoors anywhere since March 2020). But it seems like every little group of people (most are houseshares) keeps to themselves.
        throwaway55421 5y ago
        You've spent two years not socializing but you like socializing? Well, that's enough HN for today. Merry Christmas.
        watwut 5y ago
        For someone who claims to be social, you are quite intent on misinterpreting what people said to you. Given that you lie and misinterpret the comment I can see right here, should I really trust that you live in such different environment from the rest of us?
        jlokier 5y ago
        I didn't say I haven't socialized. I said I haven't mingled indoors. It takes a narrow viewpoint to think those are the same.
        throwaway55421 5y ago
        Unironically using the term "mingling indoors" is an indicator that you're sufficiently far gone down the corona rabbit hole that it's pointless for us to discuss further because we see the world in completely different ways. More value would be derived from discussing climate change with a Martian. We could hash it out over a pint at the pub, but you don't mingle indoors see, so... Sorry, but I think this is a bit comical, I don't have the patience for such farce.
  - alecbz 5y ago
    OOC how often do other neighbors knock on your door just to say hi/introduce themselves? This seemed somewhat common growing up in the suburbs, but I think has literally never happened in my adult life in a city.
    - throwaway55421 5y ago
      Usually it happens when new people move in, so a few times a year. It's more common for us to meet in the street e.g. say hi whilst someone is at their front door. To be fair I don't live in a megablock, they're not that common in London, most people I know live in converted townhouses which only have a few flats in them. e.g. https://i.pinimg.com/originals/01/9e/b9/019eb97dd77c0dc3191e4581ec1a7ede.jpg https://i.pinimg.com/originals/01/9e/b9/019eb97dd77c0dc3191e... usually they're smaller than this.
- Talanes 5y ago
  Sit at the pub long enough and someone will talk to you just because they notice you've been sitting there not talking to anyone. Of course, this process may take hours and is as likely to be lightly confrontational as it is friendly... That's how my super-socially awkward ass used to make friends, anyway. Nowadays I don't have the stamina to wait out the process.
  - jlokier 5y ago
    I've sat in numerous pubs, coffee shops, restaurants and other social places by myself for many years, and in my experience people just let you be by yourself, doing your own thing. (Just for clarity, I do have friends. I'm the sort who likes going out by themselves as well, though). Although I've had people I don't know come and talk with me, and I'm friendly when they do, it's very unusual. I would bet on that happening maybe 1 in 20 nights out, and 1 in 50 times at a coffee shop. I would not say it takes hours, I'd say it takes weeks to months. Sometimes I notice other people by themselves, usually old men, pint in hand for hours, saying and doing nothing. To me they look really sad like that and I don't feel like approaching them at all. I feel empathy but don't want to be involved. Myself, I've usually got a book or computer, or these days my phone. Maybe that makes me less approachable, but I'd rather that than doing nothing at all for a night. However, even at times when I've gone out and just sat without any props, warming my hands by a fire or, seasonally, a nice christmas tree, nearly everyone is part of a small group of their own, and the phenomon you described where "someone will talk to you just because they notice you've been sitting there not talking to anyone" is still unusual.
- alecbz 5y ago
  For real, I feel like people throw around "how to make friends" advice that is not at all consistent with how they came to know the actual friends that they have.
  - throwaway55421 5y ago
    My suggestions are literally in rank order of the people I most frequently spend time with. I take part in a few hobby based meetups and run events based around those things. Some of the people I have met through these are pretty tight now, we had a Christmas dinner a couple of weeks ago. The last time I moved home I threw a house warming and invited the neighbours around. Knocked on the door with a bottle of wine. The ones that came along I still know and some are now close friends. I could go through the other examples but really I guess it just comes down to whether you think I'm full of shit or not. :)
    - alecbz 5y ago
      Fair enough. Though you didn't mention the pub, which is what the parent comment started with? OOC roughly whereabouts do you live?
      - throwaway55421 5y ago
        I live in inner London. I don't really want to reveal much more hence the throwaway. But honestly I think, you get what you put in. If you want something, assume other people want that thing too, and go from there.
        alecbz 5y ago
        Ah interesting. I have heard that London has a strong and somewhat unique pub culture. I'm not sure how much this applies elsewhere. Re. the rest though, maybe it's a "you get what you put in" thing to an extent, I think somewhat that's just how outgoing someone is (which I don't think is the same as how much they value/need connection). But I think a lot of this is very cultural too.

watwut 5y ago

> popping to the pub for lunch and meeting the locals, knocking on neighbour's doors to introduce yoursel No one will talk to you in pub, "locals" are with their established friend group or at home. And knocking to introduce yourself is weird, and still people won't socialize with you because you knocked. They have own plans and ow isolated lifes

throwaway55421 5y ago
Introducing yourself to your neighbours is too "weird" for you? Well, revealed preferences I guess. Best of luck. I enjoy chatting to my neighbours and I'd have no issue with them popping in for a cup of tea.
- watwut 5y ago
  Yes it is. People don't do that. No one goes through apartment complex knocking on doors and introducing themselves. By no one I literally means no one. And it is not a thing that would be done in the past either.
  - throwaway55421 5y ago
    It's interesting that we can have such different life experiences. Well, me and my neighbours are happy to be weird in your view. You do you. I don't think you're weird btw, just less social I guess?
    - jlokier 5y ago
      > I don't think you're weird btw, just less social I guess? It's not the GP being less social - it's their neighbours as well. They said other people don't knock, which is what make it seem like it would come over as a weird if they did it themselves. That chimes with my experience. In ~25 years of living in many different places, I don't think I've ever had my door knocked on by neighbours for an introduction or friendly chat. Only by people I already know, and that's rare too. (I don't live near anyone that I know). So I wouldn't knock on a neighbour's door. I'd feel uncomfortable, intruding on other people's private lives. It's not like I'm not social. I like people and would probably enjoy knowing my neighbours better. (Though not during this pandemic - I haven't mingled indoors anywhere since March 2020). But it seems like every little group of people (most are houseshares) keeps to themselves.
      - throwaway55421 5y ago
        You've spent two years not socializing but you like socializing? Well, that's enough HN for today. Merry Christmas.
        watwut 5y ago
        For someone who claims to be social, you are quite intent on misinterpreting what people said to you. Given that you lie and misinterpret the comment I can see right here, should I really trust that you live in such different environment from the rest of us?
        jlokier 5y ago
        I didn't say I haven't socialized. I said I haven't mingled indoors. It takes a narrow viewpoint to think those are the same.
        throwaway55421 5y ago
        Unironically using the term "mingling indoors" is an indicator that you're sufficiently far gone down the corona rabbit hole that it's pointless for us to discuss further because we see the world in completely different ways. More value would be derived from discussing climate change with a Martian. We could hash it out over a pint at the pub, but you don't mingle indoors see, so... Sorry, but I think this is a bit comical, I don't have the patience for such farce.
- alecbz 5y ago
  OOC how often do other neighbors knock on your door just to say hi/introduce themselves? This seemed somewhat common growing up in the suburbs, but I think has literally never happened in my adult life in a city.
  - throwaway55421 5y ago
    Usually it happens when new people move in, so a few times a year. It's more common for us to meet in the street e.g. say hi whilst someone is at their front door. To be fair I don't live in a megablock, they're not that common in London, most people I know live in converted townhouses which only have a few flats in them. e.g. https://i.pinimg.com/originals/01/9e/b9/019eb97dd77c0dc3191e4581ec1a7ede.jpg https://i.pinimg.com/originals/01/9e/b9/019eb97dd77c0dc3191e... usually they're smaller than this.
Talanes 5y ago
Sit at the pub long enough and someone will talk to you just because they notice you've been sitting there not talking to anyone. Of course, this process may take hours and is as likely to be lightly confrontational as it is friendly... That's how my super-socially awkward ass used to make friends, anyway. Nowadays I don't have the stamina to wait out the process.
- jlokier 5y ago
  I've sat in numerous pubs, coffee shops, restaurants and other social places by myself for many years, and in my experience people just let you be by yourself, doing your own thing. (Just for clarity, I do have friends. I'm the sort who likes going out by themselves as well, though). Although I've had people I don't know come and talk with me, and I'm friendly when they do, it's very unusual. I would bet on that happening maybe 1 in 20 nights out, and 1 in 50 times at a coffee shop. I would not say it takes hours, I'd say it takes weeks to months. Sometimes I notice other people by themselves, usually old men, pint in hand for hours, saying and doing nothing. To me they look really sad like that and I don't feel like approaching them at all. I feel empathy but don't want to be involved. Myself, I've usually got a book or computer, or these days my phone. Maybe that makes me less approachable, but I'd rather that than doing nothing at all for a night. However, even at times when I've gone out and just sat without any props, warming my hands by a fire or, seasonally, a nice christmas tree, nearly everyone is part of a small group of their own, and the phenomon you described where "someone will talk to you just because they notice you've been sitting there not talking to anyone" is still unusual.
alecbz 5y ago
For real, I feel like people throw around "how to make friends" advice that is not at all consistent with how they came to know the actual friends that they have.
- throwaway55421 5y ago
  My suggestions are literally in rank order of the people I most frequently spend time with. I take part in a few hobby based meetups and run events based around those things. Some of the people I have met through these are pretty tight now, we had a Christmas dinner a couple of weeks ago. The last time I moved home I threw a house warming and invited the neighbours around. Knocked on the door with a bottle of wine. The ones that came along I still know and some are now close friends. I could go through the other examples but really I guess it just comes down to whether you think I'm full of shit or not. :)
  - alecbz 5y ago
    Fair enough. Though you didn't mention the pub, which is what the parent comment started with? OOC roughly whereabouts do you live?
    - throwaway55421 5y ago
      I live in inner London. I don't really want to reveal much more hence the throwaway. But honestly I think, you get what you put in. If you want something, assume other people want that thing too, and go from there.
      - alecbz 5y ago
        Ah interesting. I have heard that London has a strong and somewhat unique pub culture. I'm not sure how much this applies elsewhere. Re. the rest though, maybe it's a "you get what you put in" thing to an extent, I think somewhat that's just how outgoing someone is (which I don't think is the same as how much they value/need connection). But I think a lot of this is very cultural too.