4 ms·

This is pretty disturbing considering how necessary dating apps are today. Let's say you get banned from Tinder and consequently Bumble. What do you do now?

This is pretty disturbing considering how necessary dating apps are today. Let's say you get banned from Tinder and consequently Bumble. What do you do now? You can create fake accounts, but they'll eventually find you. Coffee Meets Bagel? Plenty of Fish? Match.com? Don't make me laugh. It's already bad enough that women find it strange that a guy doesn't have an Instagram account (this has been my experience 90% of the time), but at least as someone who is dating you can work your way around that. But if you get shut out of even 1 of the few main dating apps, you've lost a massive pool of dates and potential life partners. Unless something has changed since my foray into that scene, these days those apps are pretty much a requirement for getting any meaning amount of dates. I can't help but feel bad for the younger generations of today. I was fortunate to come of age during the tail end of where it was still largely acceptable to meet and approach women IRL while online dating was kind of a sideshow. Today, what were once the best places to meet other young single people, are not only where it's become unacceptable to meet new people at bars and clubs or meetups but they also are the places with the most COVID-masking (yes, this DOES affect attraction and being able to read the other person). For most young guys and girls, you're probably stuck with Tinder and Bumble unless you are a 9 or above. The other day I got permabanned from Nextdoor, not because I did anything wrong, but because I didn't use my real name. Of course the name that I used is the name that I use in real life and as a professional. I logged in one day to find that I had absolutely no access to my account. There was no read-only access to my messages, my activity, settings, or anything. Just a page that said I'd been banned for not using my real name but that I could contact their customer service or whatever. Imagine if that happens to you on Tinder right as you're about to ask someone on a date, or to your Wells Fargo account as you just got a paycheck and are ready to make that big purchase.

mbg721 5y ago
Is this what dating is really like?? It sounds completely alien and scary to me; I met my now-wife when we were in college, by talking and having meals together and stuff like that. And we're not ancient, we're in our 30s. There must still be ways to form meaningful relationships without being entirely at the mercy of the app gods,
- nrmitchi 5y ago
  It's kind of important to remember that the world, especially the social world of meeting new people, has *drastically* changed in the last 2 years.
  - mbg721 5y ago
    I'm guessing there's more of a sense of angst in NY or SF than in Columbus or Tallahassee.
standardUser 5y ago
Just a side note - Instagram accounts are nice because they offer social proof. A lot of people feel more comfortable meeting a stranger one-on-one if they have some idea that the person has a life, friends, etc. As for the rest, it sounds like speculative nonsense. I date and know a lot of people who actively date. There are more and better options today to meet more and better people - not less. Not by a longshot.
- ravenstine 5y ago
  I think everyone knows that. Personally, I don't spend any time taking countless photographs of myself and my buddies eating and traveling. That's not me, and I think it's a little sad that people can't have any trust in strangers to the extent that they must look up a curated PR profile of them and believe that. Yes, the world has changed. That doesn't mean that everyone is better off that way just because 80+% will go in whatever direction the wind blows. Even if the inevtability of being strange for not being active on Instagram is something people should accept, it shouldn't be the deal breaker that it often seems to be. > As for the rest, it sounds like speculative nonsense. That's not particularly respectful. > I date and know a lot of people who actively date. There are more and better options today to meet more and better people - not less. Not by a longshot. Maybe you could name some of them?
  - standardUser 5y ago
    "I think it's a little sad that people can't have any trust in strangers" For women, dating is a process of meeting a larger, stronger person who is a member of a demographic responsible for nearly all sexual violence. If they want a little social proof before meeting a strange man alone, I fully understand. Obviously this goes both (all) ways, but is a bigger concern for women (at least the many women I have discussed this with over the years). Sorry to be disrespectful. I was specifically talking about the idea that it is no longer possible/acceptable to meet people in person. Do you truly believe this? As I said, I know a lot of people who date actively, and they do still meet people when out and about. Sometimes it's a friend of a friend, sometimes a random person at a bar. One of my last serious relationships started when we met at a wedding. A good friend of mine seems to find dates by just stepping out the door! She's cute, but it's not like men are constantly fawning over her - she just tends to chat with strangers and sometimes that leads to dates! So I see this so much in my everyday life I find it strange when people (especially people who admit they are not dating in the current era) make claims about how dating does and does not work these days.

mbg721 5y ago

Is this what dating is really like?? It sounds completely alien and scary to me; I met my now-wife when we were in college, by talking and having meals together and stuff like that. And we're not ancient, we're in our 30s. There must still be ways to form meaningful relationships without being entirely at the mercy of the app gods,

nrmitchi 5y ago
It's kind of important to remember that the world, especially the social world of meeting new people, has *drastically* changed in the last 2 years.
- mbg721 5y ago
  I'm guessing there's more of a sense of angst in NY or SF than in Columbus or Tallahassee.

standardUser 5y ago

Just a side note - Instagram accounts are nice because they offer social proof. A lot of people feel more comfortable meeting a stranger one-on-one if they have some idea that the person has a life, friends, etc. As for the rest, it sounds like speculative nonsense. I date and know a lot of people who actively date. There are more and better options today to meet more and better people - not less. Not by a longshot.

ravenstine 5y ago
I think everyone knows that. Personally, I don't spend any time taking countless photographs of myself and my buddies eating and traveling. That's not me, and I think it's a little sad that people can't have any trust in strangers to the extent that they must look up a curated PR profile of them and believe that. Yes, the world has changed. That doesn't mean that everyone is better off that way just because 80+% will go in whatever direction the wind blows. Even if the inevtability of being strange for not being active on Instagram is something people should accept, it shouldn't be the deal breaker that it often seems to be. > As for the rest, it sounds like speculative nonsense. That's not particularly respectful. > I date and know a lot of people who actively date. There are more and better options today to meet more and better people - not less. Not by a longshot. Maybe you could name some of them?
- standardUser 5y ago
  "I think it's a little sad that people can't have any trust in strangers" For women, dating is a process of meeting a larger, stronger person who is a member of a demographic responsible for nearly all sexual violence. If they want a little social proof before meeting a strange man alone, I fully understand. Obviously this goes both (all) ways, but is a bigger concern for women (at least the many women I have discussed this with over the years). Sorry to be disrespectful. I was specifically talking about the idea that it is no longer possible/acceptable to meet people in person. Do you truly believe this? As I said, I know a lot of people who date actively, and they do still meet people when out and about. Sometimes it's a friend of a friend, sometimes a random person at a bar. One of my last serious relationships started when we met at a wedding. A good friend of mine seems to find dates by just stepping out the door! She's cute, but it's not like men are constantly fawning over her - she just tends to chat with strangers and sometimes that leads to dates! So I see this so much in my everyday life I find it strange when people (especially people who admit they are not dating in the current era) make claims about how dating does and does not work these days.