5 ms·

Is there a particular reason you perceived their response as "scolding?" It just looks like a straightforward answer.

sneak 5y ago
In my experience, a lot of Americans interpret direct, no-wasted-word statements as aggressive or confrontational. Euphemism and indirect implication is the norm in American communication, much to my dismay. It can wrap around to extremes sometimes, too. https://sneak.berlin/20191201/american-communication/ https://sneak.berlin/20191201/american-communication/
- rexreed 5y ago
  It's possible it's cultural. Sometimes strong, absolute rebuttals come across as someone just trying to shut down a conversation and deny. Other times a direct answer is just a direct answer. The problem is that context and tone are helpful here.
- freedomben 5y ago
  as a native, I can say this is absolutely true and also horrible for productive communication. particularly the pacific and mountain west is really rough. Especially when discussing politics it can be confusing as hell trying to figure out what somebody really believes/wants because the tip toeing around egg shells can make the words impossible to decode.
- jedilord 5y ago
  This is a fair statement. Didn't use to be this way - I blame the participation trophy era of kids.
  - sneak 5y ago
    You're engaging in it yourself right now by using euphemism/implication to suggest a certain type of person instead of just saying "whiny, overly sensitive children" (which I assume is what you mean). You should remove the plank from your own eye, first. You don't get to blame others for your voluntarily chosen courses of action.
    - jedilord 5y ago
      You're fast! Good job. I present you with a trophy.
      - deleted 5y ago
        [deleted]
    - novok 5y ago
      There is a difference between euphemism and idiom, nicknames and handwave identifiers.
  - wolverine876 5y ago
    > I blame the participation trophy era of kids. As one Gen Y/Zer once commented: Those trophies weren't handing out themselves, and they weren't the kids' idea. Whose idea were they?
- tailspin2019 5y ago
  > a lot of Americans interpret direct, no-wasted-word statements as aggressive or confrontational. I think this can be said of the British too. Though we would probably make the mistake of interpreting it as rude rather than aggressive. As someone who doesn't communicate particularly directly, I often make this mistake myself. Though I'm not sure which side of "the pond" is worse in this respect.
- Buttons840 5y ago
  This reminds me of the younger generation sometimes perceiving messages ending in a period as rude. I'm also sometimes surprised by how effectively a simple statement like "I don't want to spend money on that" can shut down even a pushy salesman. Or even the simple "No." can work wonders.
  - ziddoap 5y ago
    >This reminds me of the younger generation sometimes perceiving messages ending in a period as rude. I've never seen any comments regarding a single period, but I've seen comments (and sometimes agree with them) regarding the perceived rudeness when ending messages in ellipses. "Good job..." seems almost sarcastic compared to "Good job.".
    - sneak 5y ago
      Good job. seems almost patronizing in comparison with good job Then again, I grew up on IRC.
      - Buttons840 5y ago
        Studies have shown the same.
    - rackjack 5y ago
      Language is so weird.
    - deleted 5y ago
      [deleted]
- wolverine876 5y ago
  Interesting: IME, it's the Americans who are called rude and overly direct. Go to Japan and give it a try, for example. Edit: Reading your link: First, that's well-written and insightful; thank you. However, it seems like a common (young, if I dare guess) frustration with human communication, especially among geeks (if I dare guess, here on HN, and including myself as one): Communication is not transmission of information, but a social interaction. You have to think about all these other things (where many geeks feel out of their depth), and in fact those other things are more consequential than the information (with which many geeks feel very confident). In other words, it sucks to have all the information, to be a master at it, and find that it doesn't matter so much. Tip: Don't try to dismiss it; it's human nature and won't change; learn the skills. 'Skill' #1: learn to not objectify the other party (they aren't an endpoint device in your communication network), and the best tools for that: curiosity about them - about their unique universe in their mind, their own wants and perspectives, completely unrelated to yours - and compassion: they have a difficult life too. (Of course, that's just my perspective! :) )

In my experience, a lot of Americans interpret direct, no-wasted-word statements as aggressive or confrontational. Euphemism and indirect implication is the norm in American communication, much to my dismay. It can wrap around to extremes sometimes, too. https://sneak.berlin/20191201/american-communication/ https://sneak.berlin/20191201/american-communication/

rexreed 5y ago
It's possible it's cultural. Sometimes strong, absolute rebuttals come across as someone just trying to shut down a conversation and deny. Other times a direct answer is just a direct answer. The problem is that context and tone are helpful here.
freedomben 5y ago
as a native, I can say this is absolutely true and also horrible for productive communication. particularly the pacific and mountain west is really rough. Especially when discussing politics it can be confusing as hell trying to figure out what somebody really believes/wants because the tip toeing around egg shells can make the words impossible to decode.
jedilord 5y ago
This is a fair statement. Didn't use to be this way - I blame the participation trophy era of kids.
- sneak 5y ago
  You're engaging in it yourself right now by using euphemism/implication to suggest a certain type of person instead of just saying "whiny, overly sensitive children" (which I assume is what you mean). You should remove the plank from your own eye, first. You don't get to blame others for your voluntarily chosen courses of action.
  - jedilord 5y ago
    You're fast! Good job. I present you with a trophy.
    - deleted 5y ago
      [deleted]
  - novok 5y ago
    There is a difference between euphemism and idiom, nicknames and handwave identifiers.
- wolverine876 5y ago
  > I blame the participation trophy era of kids. As one Gen Y/Zer once commented: Those trophies weren't handing out themselves, and they weren't the kids' idea. Whose idea were they?
tailspin2019 5y ago
> a lot of Americans interpret direct, no-wasted-word statements as aggressive or confrontational. I think this can be said of the British too. Though we would probably make the mistake of interpreting it as rude rather than aggressive. As someone who doesn't communicate particularly directly, I often make this mistake myself. Though I'm not sure which side of "the pond" is worse in this respect.
Buttons840 5y ago
This reminds me of the younger generation sometimes perceiving messages ending in a period as rude. I'm also sometimes surprised by how effectively a simple statement like "I don't want to spend money on that" can shut down even a pushy salesman. Or even the simple "No." can work wonders.
- ziddoap 5y ago
  >This reminds me of the younger generation sometimes perceiving messages ending in a period as rude. I've never seen any comments regarding a single period, but I've seen comments (and sometimes agree with them) regarding the perceived rudeness when ending messages in ellipses. "Good job..." seems almost sarcastic compared to "Good job.".
  - sneak 5y ago
    Good job. seems almost patronizing in comparison with good job Then again, I grew up on IRC.
    - Buttons840 5y ago
      Studies have shown the same.
  - rackjack 5y ago
    Language is so weird.
  - deleted 5y ago
    [deleted]
wolverine876 5y ago
Interesting: IME, it's the Americans who are called rude and overly direct. Go to Japan and give it a try, for example. Edit: Reading your link: First, that's well-written and insightful; thank you. However, it seems like a common (young, if I dare guess) frustration with human communication, especially among geeks (if I dare guess, here on HN, and including myself as one): Communication is not transmission of information, but a social interaction. You have to think about all these other things (where many geeks feel out of their depth), and in fact those other things are more consequential than the information (with which many geeks feel very confident). In other words, it sucks to have all the information, to be a master at it, and find that it doesn't matter so much. Tip: Don't try to dismiss it; it's human nature and won't change; learn the skills. 'Skill' #1: learn to not objectify the other party (they aren't an endpoint device in your communication network), and the best tools for that: curiosity about them - about their unique universe in their mind, their own wants and perspectives, completely unrelated to yours - and compassion: they have a difficult life too. (Of course, that's just my perspective! :) )