5 ms·

well put! I work in consulting for a large corporation and they pay for me more than 1000 Euro per day. I don't see much of that money but I can't really compla

well put! I work in consulting for a large corporation and they pay for me more than 1000 Euro per day. I don't see much of that money but I can't really complain about my salary. It's pretty good (not SV-good, though). Now on average I'd say I work no more than 4 hours. Some days even less. Occasionally I feel proud of that and even brag about it to friends. But deep down I feel how this is just not making me happy. It's also not that I am lazy by any means. I think I am burned out to some extent. This mental state comes with an inability to use the rest of the work day. I spend it procrastinating - which is actually more tiring than working for whatever reason. During office times I thought this is because I have to multitask watching my back and having a solution at hand if somebody suddenly stands next to me. Now being in home office for more than a year it seems that the origin is more something like a spiritual conflict. I'm wasting my time. And I know I'm wasting it. At the same time I feel motivated to become more structured and diciplined so I can game my employer (which I do not respect for a couple of reasons) in a way benefiting me beyond my salary. Having said that I have been taking my car to a garage, doing shopping, reparing my bike or whatever during work time - so, technically, I do benefit. My g/f earns about a third of what I do while actually working a tough, stressful job in full time. Regularly when she leaves the house in the morning I sit there browsing the internet after the obligatory daily and I feel actually a bit ashamed when she sees that. I don't know ... but, yeah, thanks for your post - got me thinking.

wonderwonder 5y ago
It appears we live much of the same life. I work 3 to 4 hours a day at best, and part of that is the standup. Wife works hard for 8+ hours a day and makes a third of my salary. I want to be productive but I just cant seem to do more hours than that. Even those hours of work are broken up. "his mental state comes with an inability to use the rest of the work day. I spend it procrastinating - which is actually more tiring than working for whatever reason" I feel the same way. Difference is I actually really like my employer and I still cant focus for more than a few hours a day.
- 2-718-281-828 5y ago
  of course, the obligatory thing to consider is AD(H)D - which I do suffer from. anyway - interesting that you "really like your employer". do you also like the product and the work environment? looking back though it didn't seem to matter much for my productivity either. liking my employer can even complicate things further because then I feel guilt.
  - wonderwonder 5y ago
    I do like the product. Issue might be that I see no value in what I do, the work I am doing is not going to change the world or make it a better place. I have felt this way about every job I have ever had. It will leave no lasting mark. I would love to leave tech but unfortunately the salary acts as golden handcuffs. I essentially waste 8 hours a day sitting on a chair consuming internet garbage and its somewhat soul destroying.
    - seb1204 5y ago
      Why not work on some public software project in your 'spare' time?
      - 2-718-281-828 5y ago
        I don't have the energy anymore for that. I'm 37 - that's 50%.
      - wonderwonder 5y ago
        Honestly I just don't have the motivation. Having to do what little work I do drains me. Its not that I am lazy, I will work 90 hour weeks full on cranking if there is an emergency and the success of the project hangs on it its just that I really don't like what I do for a living and it drains the will and happiness from my soul. I don't mean to be dramatic but that's what it feels like but I like the money. I think my goal is to save up a year of expenses this year and then just build something on my own. Going to tackle something like web3 or build something that I would like to use. Mainly I just want to be motivated.
ClumsyPilot 5y ago
"My g/f earns about a third of what I do while actually working a tough, stressful job in full time" There is only one thing i learned, life is deeply unfair, meritocracy is a myth, and noone knows why most things are the way they are.
- arpanetus 5y ago
  well, if someone is a janitor, and the other one is a software developer, can you actually compare them properly? if so, then training somebody to become a SEng involves more costs, than training smb to mop a floor. the guy u responding didn't mention the job his gf does, thus assuming that she's the same software dev, would be a wrong thing to do, i believe. besides that, she even may obtain the same level, the same set of skills as he does, thus she also has the same opportunity as he does. that being said there is nothing to discuss about meritocracy, yet i agree with the fact that things are not that meritocratic as we want them to be. why? because there is always an asymmetry in a market, and contracts may always have some flaws (for e.g.: lemon market). i perceive the case of him since he's not that tired as his gf is. that's just the basic compassion that one wants to feel, and even empathy.
  - andrekandre 5y ago
    > that being said there is nothing to discuss about meritocracy, yet i agree with the fact that things are not that meritocratic as we want them to be. why? because there is always an asymmetry in a market, and contracts may always have some flaws (for e.g.: lemon market). i guess that can be one issue, but my experience has been that what usually undermines "meritocracy" is basically office/org politics...
- kerneloftruth 5y ago
  I would suggest that you keep studying life. From what I've learned: life was never promised as being fair. Civilization is a thin veneer over the Jungle, but it does try (without ever achieving 100% success), to provide fairness. One can debate where in the world Civilization is thriving vs. struggling (it's mostly struggling). Meritocracy does exist and does work, except where it is undermined (i.e. "Equity", or assigning merit based on immutable physical traits like race and gender).
raducu 5y ago
I used to work about 4 hours a day, sometimes not at all and felt terrible inside about myself. Then I got diagnosed with ADHD and prescribed Concerta. The focus is not what I want, but the reduction of impulsivity is doing wonders. I started seeing the incompetent, manipulative and rude pieces of shit colleagues that I kept attracting (because of self immage and guilt) and that kept leaching on my time, interrupting me when it was obvious I had nothing to do with their problem(I do backend stuff and a coeague insisted I help her fix frontend stuff that doesn't work after the frontend did a deploy, the same for another system). I realize how I tolerated bullshit from low level management,how I caved in to their frowns and how I turned into their saviour tech wizard which only compounded my problem. How I tollerated their endless ramblings in meetings upon meetings where they decided nothing or bitterly protected their vagueness to kafquesques proportions. How I tollerated other peoples indecision and became indecisive myself, because I thought I could not do stuff without them. How I've ignored my own emotions and needs and played it all logical when people were playing emotional games. And now with my impulsivity under control, I work a lot longer and stress free, because I can control my impulses so I'm not affraid to answer ironically but still professionally to an agressive email, or to say "guys I have no taks" ... "guys, I asked you for a task yesterday and guess what, I got it by telling your superior that I asked for work and you did not have any, he was delighted to get me in contact with this product owner who has a full backlog". This makes me so glad and so sad at the same time. This explains why other people were cold and "mean" to these people.
- xupybd 5y ago
  How did you find out you had ADHD? I often suspect I have something along the lines of ADHD or Dyslexia ( very mild ) but have no idea how to look into it. I've done a few online tests but end up very border line on most.
  - distrill 5y ago
    same, and i feel dirty asking about it because if you don't have ADHD you're basically just asking about getting speed

wonderwonder 5y ago

It appears we live much of the same life. I work 3 to 4 hours a day at best, and part of that is the standup. Wife works hard for 8+ hours a day and makes a third of my salary. I want to be productive but I just cant seem to do more hours than that. Even those hours of work are broken up. "his mental state comes with an inability to use the rest of the work day. I spend it procrastinating - which is actually more tiring than working for whatever reason" I feel the same way. Difference is I actually really like my employer and I still cant focus for more than a few hours a day.

2-718-281-828 5y ago
of course, the obligatory thing to consider is AD(H)D - which I do suffer from. anyway - interesting that you "really like your employer". do you also like the product and the work environment? looking back though it didn't seem to matter much for my productivity either. liking my employer can even complicate things further because then I feel guilt.
- wonderwonder 5y ago
  I do like the product. Issue might be that I see no value in what I do, the work I am doing is not going to change the world or make it a better place. I have felt this way about every job I have ever had. It will leave no lasting mark. I would love to leave tech but unfortunately the salary acts as golden handcuffs. I essentially waste 8 hours a day sitting on a chair consuming internet garbage and its somewhat soul destroying.
  - seb1204 5y ago
    Why not work on some public software project in your 'spare' time?
    - 2-718-281-828 5y ago
      I don't have the energy anymore for that. I'm 37 - that's 50%.
    - wonderwonder 5y ago
      Honestly I just don't have the motivation. Having to do what little work I do drains me. Its not that I am lazy, I will work 90 hour weeks full on cranking if there is an emergency and the success of the project hangs on it its just that I really don't like what I do for a living and it drains the will and happiness from my soul. I don't mean to be dramatic but that's what it feels like but I like the money. I think my goal is to save up a year of expenses this year and then just build something on my own. Going to tackle something like web3 or build something that I would like to use. Mainly I just want to be motivated.

ClumsyPilot 5y ago

"My g/f earns about a third of what I do while actually working a tough, stressful job in full time" There is only one thing i learned, life is deeply unfair, meritocracy is a myth, and noone knows why most things are the way they are.

arpanetus 5y ago
well, if someone is a janitor, and the other one is a software developer, can you actually compare them properly? if so, then training somebody to become a SEng involves more costs, than training smb to mop a floor. the guy u responding didn't mention the job his gf does, thus assuming that she's the same software dev, would be a wrong thing to do, i believe. besides that, she even may obtain the same level, the same set of skills as he does, thus she also has the same opportunity as he does. that being said there is nothing to discuss about meritocracy, yet i agree with the fact that things are not that meritocratic as we want them to be. why? because there is always an asymmetry in a market, and contracts may always have some flaws (for e.g.: lemon market). i perceive the case of him since he's not that tired as his gf is. that's just the basic compassion that one wants to feel, and even empathy.
- andrekandre 5y ago
  > that being said there is nothing to discuss about meritocracy, yet i agree with the fact that things are not that meritocratic as we want them to be. why? because there is always an asymmetry in a market, and contracts may always have some flaws (for e.g.: lemon market). i guess that can be one issue, but my experience has been that what usually undermines "meritocracy" is basically office/org politics...
kerneloftruth 5y ago
I would suggest that you keep studying life. From what I've learned: life was never promised as being fair. Civilization is a thin veneer over the Jungle, but it does try (without ever achieving 100% success), to provide fairness. One can debate where in the world Civilization is thriving vs. struggling (it's mostly struggling). Meritocracy does exist and does work, except where it is undermined (i.e. "Equity", or assigning merit based on immutable physical traits like race and gender).

raducu 5y ago

I used to work about 4 hours a day, sometimes not at all and felt terrible inside about myself. Then I got diagnosed with ADHD and prescribed Concerta. The focus is not what I want, but the reduction of impulsivity is doing wonders. I started seeing the incompetent, manipulative and rude pieces of shit colleagues that I kept attracting (because of self immage and guilt) and that kept leaching on my time, interrupting me when it was obvious I had nothing to do with their problem(I do backend stuff and a coeague insisted I help her fix frontend stuff that doesn't work after the frontend did a deploy, the same for another system). I realize how I tolerated bullshit from low level management,how I caved in to their frowns and how I turned into their saviour tech wizard which only compounded my problem. How I tollerated their endless ramblings in meetings upon meetings where they decided nothing or bitterly protected their vagueness to kafquesques proportions. How I tollerated other peoples indecision and became indecisive myself, because I thought I could not do stuff without them. How I've ignored my own emotions and needs and played it all logical when people were playing emotional games. And now with my impulsivity under control, I work a lot longer and stress free, because I can control my impulses so I'm not affraid to answer ironically but still professionally to an agressive email, or to say "guys I have no taks" ... "guys, I asked you for a task yesterday and guess what, I got it by telling your superior that I asked for work and you did not have any, he was delighted to get me in contact with this product owner who has a full backlog". This makes me so glad and so sad at the same time. This explains why other people were cold and "mean" to these people.

xupybd 5y ago
How did you find out you had ADHD? I often suspect I have something along the lines of ADHD or Dyslexia ( very mild ) but have no idea how to look into it. I've done a few online tests but end up very border line on most.
- distrill 5y ago
  same, and i feel dirty asking about it because if you don't have ADHD you're basically just asking about getting speed