6 ms·

The front page of that sub currently has a meme about women feeling a need to pay for the first date so that men don't feel they are owed sex. As a hetero dude

by ketzo 5y ago

The front page of that sub currently has a meme about women feeling a need to pay for the first date so that men don't feel they are owed sex. As a hetero dude who was recently doing a decent amount of casual dating, I can tell you that this is a very common fear. I would say that you are possibly missing the message. edit: honestly, five minutes of casually browsing that sub, and I don't see a thing about "men should pay for more than half of a relationship" or anything about "extracting value." Seems like a sub that's really into respecting oneself outside of the context of a boyfriend, and women unpacking and de-normalizing the toxic behaviors of previous partners. I feel like you're trying to make that sub into something it is not. Why is that?

scarmig 5y ago
You must not have looked too closely. This took literally 15 seconds, taken from the "FDS Handbook": https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/jo75aw/6_reasons_why_we_insist_men_should_pay_for_dates/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/jo75a...
- ketzo 5y ago
  Submitted 1yr ago, 177 upvotes when the current front page is ~1000. I wouldn't call it "the point of the sub." I just think it's super reductive to look at that sub and decide that the problem is that women are golddiggers. That place speaks to a lot of the fear, frustration, and disappointment that, anecdotally, plague many women's dating lives.
  - matheusmoreira 5y ago
    > That place speaks to a lot of the fear, frustration, and disappointment that, anecdotally, plague many women's dating lives. Funny. That's exactly what the red pill did for a lot of men.
    - scarmig 5y ago
      TRP and FDS both use past lived trauma to justify toxic ideologies. The frustrating difference is FDS is feted in the mainstream media, while TRP is considered terrorist adjacent.
      - InitialLastName 5y ago
        I don't disagree that both are toxic in their ways (see also: internet communities), but how many women do we see committing terrorism while spouting FDS-derived ideology?
        scarmig 5y ago
        For what it's worth, all AFAIK the terrorists you're referring to came from the incel-sphere as opposed to TRP. But more substantively, basically all terrorists are men. This is true of terrorists from every group: white nationalists, black nationalists, Muslims, Christians, Trump supporters, Bernie supporters. If there ever is a terrorist spouting FDS ideology, he will be a man. The particular toxicity of the ideology has nothing to do with it.
        InitialLastName 5y ago
        All true, I'm just saying that the reason TRP (which is for sure adjacent to the incel sphere; I'm sure the Venn diagram between the subreddits for the two is closer to one circle than two) is considered "terrorist-adjacent" is because they're adjacent to terrorists.
        ipaddr 5y ago
        Aren't most suicide bombers female?
  - marcellus23 5y ago
    > That place speaks to a lot of the fear, frustration, and disappointment that, anecdotally, plague many women's dating lives. Of course dating is difficult for women. But it's also difficult for men, and that doesn't excuse misogyny. The obvious conclusion is that there are large groups of both men and women who have very unhealthy and sexist ideas about the opposite gender. How many women on that sub have actually talked to real men about these ideas? "If you wouldn't date a drug addict, don't date a man who watches porn"? Seriously? Communities like FemaleDatingStrategy are just as bad as incel or MGTOW communities — just a place for sad people to outpour their bitterness and sexism into an echo chamber. Except places like FDS pretend to be feminist, so they get a pass. But they really, really shouldn't, and I hope one day society will see that.
    - filoleg 5y ago
      > Communities like FemaleDatingStrategy are just as bad as incel or MGTOW communities — essentially just a place for sad people to outpour bitterness and sexism in an echo chamber. Yep. There is a reason for why users of that subreddit are commonly referred to as "femcels" by people outside of it.
  - scotuswroteus 5y ago
    Lol, that's not "just" what your first comment said. You said: "Seems like a sub that's really into respecting oneself outside of the context of a boyfriend, and women unpacking and de-normalizing the toxic behaviors of previous partners." Your original comment is still up there, directly contradicting what you've now pivoted to. You scanned the sub and couldn't find something that it took several other people less than five minutes to track down.
savant_penguin 5y ago
There is also this https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/rhd04c/why_do_males_not_accept_it_if_their_sos_want_to/ https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/rhd04...
scotuswroteus 5y ago
I feel like you don't know how to sort by TOP for the month: https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/rb012n/compared_to_what_women_bring_to_the_table_sadly/ https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/rb012...

by ketzo 5y ago

scarmig 5y ago

You must not have looked too closely. This took literally 15 seconds, taken from the "FDS Handbook": https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/jo75aw/6_reasons_why_we_insist_men_should_pay_for_dates/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/jo75a...

ketzo 5y ago
Submitted 1yr ago, 177 upvotes when the current front page is ~1000. I wouldn't call it "the point of the sub." I just think it's super reductive to look at that sub and decide that the problem is that women are golddiggers. That place speaks to a lot of the fear, frustration, and disappointment that, anecdotally, plague many women's dating lives.
- matheusmoreira 5y ago
  > That place speaks to a lot of the fear, frustration, and disappointment that, anecdotally, plague many women's dating lives. Funny. That's exactly what the red pill did for a lot of men.
  - scarmig 5y ago
    TRP and FDS both use past lived trauma to justify toxic ideologies. The frustrating difference is FDS is feted in the mainstream media, while TRP is considered terrorist adjacent.
    - InitialLastName 5y ago
      I don't disagree that both are toxic in their ways (see also: internet communities), but how many women do we see committing terrorism while spouting FDS-derived ideology?
      - scarmig 5y ago
        For what it's worth, all AFAIK the terrorists you're referring to came from the incel-sphere as opposed to TRP. But more substantively, basically all terrorists are men. This is true of terrorists from every group: white nationalists, black nationalists, Muslims, Christians, Trump supporters, Bernie supporters. If there ever is a terrorist spouting FDS ideology, he will be a man. The particular toxicity of the ideology has nothing to do with it.
        InitialLastName 5y ago
        All true, I'm just saying that the reason TRP (which is for sure adjacent to the incel sphere; I'm sure the Venn diagram between the subreddits for the two is closer to one circle than two) is considered "terrorist-adjacent" is because they're adjacent to terrorists.
        ipaddr 5y ago
        Aren't most suicide bombers female?
- marcellus23 5y ago
  > That place speaks to a lot of the fear, frustration, and disappointment that, anecdotally, plague many women's dating lives. Of course dating is difficult for women. But it's also difficult for men, and that doesn't excuse misogyny. The obvious conclusion is that there are large groups of both men and women who have very unhealthy and sexist ideas about the opposite gender. How many women on that sub have actually talked to real men about these ideas? "If you wouldn't date a drug addict, don't date a man who watches porn"? Seriously? Communities like FemaleDatingStrategy are just as bad as incel or MGTOW communities — just a place for sad people to outpour their bitterness and sexism into an echo chamber. Except places like FDS pretend to be feminist, so they get a pass. But they really, really shouldn't, and I hope one day society will see that.
  - filoleg 5y ago
    > Communities like FemaleDatingStrategy are just as bad as incel or MGTOW communities — essentially just a place for sad people to outpour bitterness and sexism in an echo chamber. Yep. There is a reason for why users of that subreddit are commonly referred to as "femcels" by people outside of it.
- scotuswroteus 5y ago
  Lol, that's not "just" what your first comment said. You said: "Seems like a sub that's really into respecting oneself outside of the context of a boyfriend, and women unpacking and de-normalizing the toxic behaviors of previous partners." Your original comment is still up there, directly contradicting what you've now pivoted to. You scanned the sub and couldn't find something that it took several other people less than five minutes to track down.

savant_penguin 5y ago

There is also this https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/rhd04c/why_do_males_not_accept_it_if_their_sos_want_to/ https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/rhd04...

scotuswroteus 5y ago

I feel like you don't know how to sort by TOP for the month: https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/rb012n/compared_to_what_women_bring_to_the_table_sadly/ https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/rb012...