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> "The first seems to be present in more liberal, hippie-esque communities I’ve been in. In some circles, all the men seem to be satisfied, and all the women se

> "The first seems to be present in more liberal, hippie-esque communities I’ve been in. In some circles, all the men seem to be satisfied, and all the women seem to have a lot of sex with a lot of people. I’m extremely curious about what are the causal factors of these types of groups. They seem to have solved the problem." Anecdotal evidence, but this gels with me. I lived in Denver/Boulder for a long time, and Boulder was one of the few places I've ever been where the concept of groupsex/threesomes and non-monogamy wasn't strange at all. Have several friends in tech that it turned out privately had lots and lot of groupsex or other such kinky things. Generally, with a dedicated friendgroup who had partners, where this was a habitual thing. I don't consider myself hippie or what you'd term neo-liberal (I've done a lot of psychedelics and if I have to paint myself into a corner, it'd be "Libertarian") but I've also had non-monogamous relationships. Not sure what exactly it is but it boiled down to me not having insecurities about the relationship and viewing sex as mostly hedonism. There's no logical reason for two people to deny each other the opportunity for more sex besides "I don't want you to." Romanticism and love aren't things I equate with sex, and sex isn't something I do to someone because I love them, to phrase it another way. This mortifies most people I've mentioned this to, and they can't seem to come to grips with it. It's not for everyone, that's for sure.

SuoDuanDao 5y ago
I've seen references to studies that imply it's largely a function of social inequality. The more egalitarian a society is, the data seemed to suggest, the more likely women were to engage in casual sex with multiple partners. Not sure how that relates to the Denver/Boulder area which I think of as quite capitalist, but maybe there are wrinkles either the studies I saw or the descriptions of Colorado I heard didn't capture.
- gavinray 5y ago
  Boulder is very, very liberal and hippie. Denver, also liberal, less hippie.
neltnerb 5y ago
I mean, this seems like stating the obvious but are they not less likely to be homophobic? Polyamory is a heck of a lot simpler when people have flexible sexuality.
- gavinray 5y ago
  > but are they not less likely to be homophobic Ah, you know this actually hadn't crossed my mind. That's a good point, yeah it definitely takes a comfortable sexuality and a very tolerant/open view of sex to sign up for escapades in a room with your friends and their partners. I could definitely see a strong correlation between homophobia and animosity towards groupsex involving more than one male. Indeed, I've seen the "No way, that's gay!" reaction before. However, most of my male friends who seem upset at the thought of a partner not being monogamous somehow were fine if the scenario involved one guy and multiple women. I don't really understand what level of mental gymnastics goes on for such a level of brazen double-standards to occur, but hey, I'm not here to judge anyone's sexuality or stance on adult acts.
  - danenania 5y ago
    Not to say that it's "right" as that is a complex question, but this double standard is logical from a biological point of view when taking reproduction into account. I wouldn't say homophobia is the only explanation.
  - leetcrew 5y ago
    > However, most of my male friends who seem upset at the thought of a partner not being monogamous somehow were fine if the scenario involved one guy and multiple women. these seem disjoint? I care a lot about a partner of mine violating explicit boundaries that have been set for our relationship. I don't care much what boundaries others have or whether they choose to cross them; that's their business.
    - neltnerb 5y ago
      I think the point was that the boundaries are often not symmetric. I have also met many more men who are perfectly happy with polyamory -- as long as they are the only man. If people want asymmetric boundaries that is of course always their business. And plenty of those men were hippies too, to be sure. But I've also seen a lot of guys go seriously crazy in the eyes at the concept of another naked man in the room even if there are ten ladies. Maybe there's an explanation for that other than homophobia, and I won't judge anyone for it as long as they're transparent and honest with their partners, but it's clearly unbalanced. We can try to blame biology or something but I don't see why it matters what the source is if it's harmful today.
plattenbau 5y ago
What's gonna be really exciting for people like this is when CTVT, like HIV, eventually transmits to humans.

SuoDuanDao 5y ago

I've seen references to studies that imply it's largely a function of social inequality. The more egalitarian a society is, the data seemed to suggest, the more likely women were to engage in casual sex with multiple partners. Not sure how that relates to the Denver/Boulder area which I think of as quite capitalist, but maybe there are wrinkles either the studies I saw or the descriptions of Colorado I heard didn't capture.

gavinray 5y ago
Boulder is very, very liberal and hippie. Denver, also liberal, less hippie.

neltnerb 5y ago

I mean, this seems like stating the obvious but are they not less likely to be homophobic? Polyamory is a heck of a lot simpler when people have flexible sexuality.

gavinray 5y ago
> but are they not less likely to be homophobic Ah, you know this actually hadn't crossed my mind. That's a good point, yeah it definitely takes a comfortable sexuality and a very tolerant/open view of sex to sign up for escapades in a room with your friends and their partners. I could definitely see a strong correlation between homophobia and animosity towards groupsex involving more than one male. Indeed, I've seen the "No way, that's gay!" reaction before. However, most of my male friends who seem upset at the thought of a partner not being monogamous somehow were fine if the scenario involved one guy and multiple women. I don't really understand what level of mental gymnastics goes on for such a level of brazen double-standards to occur, but hey, I'm not here to judge anyone's sexuality or stance on adult acts.
- danenania 5y ago
  Not to say that it's "right" as that is a complex question, but this double standard is logical from a biological point of view when taking reproduction into account. I wouldn't say homophobia is the only explanation.
- leetcrew 5y ago
  > However, most of my male friends who seem upset at the thought of a partner not being monogamous somehow were fine if the scenario involved one guy and multiple women. these seem disjoint? I care a lot about a partner of mine violating explicit boundaries that have been set for our relationship. I don't care much what boundaries others have or whether they choose to cross them; that's their business.
  - neltnerb 5y ago
    I think the point was that the boundaries are often not symmetric. I have also met many more men who are perfectly happy with polyamory -- as long as they are the only man. If people want asymmetric boundaries that is of course always their business. And plenty of those men were hippies too, to be sure. But I've also seen a lot of guys go seriously crazy in the eyes at the concept of another naked man in the room even if there are ten ladies. Maybe there's an explanation for that other than homophobia, and I won't judge anyone for it as long as they're transparent and honest with their partners, but it's clearly unbalanced. We can try to blame biology or something but I don't see why it matters what the source is if it's harmful today.

plattenbau 5y ago

What's gonna be really exciting for people like this is when CTVT, like HIV, eventually transmits to humans.