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I felt the same way before having kids. We live in Brooklyn, which offers Pre-K for all, and we decided to try for it if for no other reason than free daycare.

I felt the same way before having kids. We live in Brooklyn, which offers Pre-K for all, and we decided to try for it if for no other reason than free daycare. We had a great experience in Pre-K, our daughter learned a lot, made a bunch of friends, and we all gained a community. We had the same experience in Kindergarten before Covid hit. We unenrolled her for first grade, homeschooled instead of doing the school's remote option[^1], and also had a great experience. That said, after a year at home and the birth of our second daughter, we were all ready for her to return to public school for second grade, and we are all are thankful she's back. Parenting is a continual exercise in evaluating tradeoffs. With all due respect, folks don't know what they'll do as a parent until they're a parent. 1: https://baugues.com/homeschool https://baugues.com/homeschool

NikolaNovak 5y ago
>>"With all due respect, folks don't know what they'll do as a parent until they're a parent." Oh man... Are those words ever true. I lived through civil war, Was a child refugee, switched countries and continents, lost parents and loved ones, had first job first love first wife,and generally had a fairly interesting life... And ALL of that was "Phase 1". Nothing compared to complete transformation of life priorities prerogatives options perspective free time disposable income attention sleep et cetera that having a child did. It's astonishing to me how ... Pervasive and common, and yet unique and personal and shocking the experience is! :-) But I will be first to admit that pre-children me and post-children me will have multiple areas of vehement disagreement and inability to understand each other :->
- xwdv 5y ago
  Is it possible to have children without succumbing to the lifestyle of a common parents?
  - NikolaNovak 5y ago
    As a non parent I had 100% faith and intention. As a parent, yes I think it's possible and eminently achieveable,if that is and remains your goal. BUT! Some stereotypical parenting behaviours that I found ridiculous before, now make a lot more sense. Silly illustrative example - I spent years trying to persuade my friends against SUVs and large vehicles. Braking distance visibility handling price etc, I vehemently made my arguments. Now I cheerfully drive a minivan because it makes my life manifestly better and I couldn't care less about image or non-parent perception or judgement :-) More importantly, There are also a lot of relationship paradigms that make a lot of sense when you are a young independent couple, that completely break down when you are sleep deprived not for a day or week or even a month but seminpermanently, while having the biggest demands and constant responsibility for your actions and behaviour, and influence on and safety of another human being! Add lack of free time and lack of disposable income and your preferences are definitely nudged in certain direction. And don't get me wrong, it's not that you are forced to behave a certain way... It's just that things that were impractical or undesirable before, are now practical and desirable. It's transformarive, in a way that I 100% know I would not be able to even explain let alone convince my pre-children self. That being said, for empirical counter example - Musk still be Musk :-)
  - lostmsu 5y ago
    Delegate raising your children to your parents or adopt them away.
notacoward 5y ago
A lot of the non-parents saying "I'll home school because the schools are just daycare" have an incredibly inflated notion of their own ability to teach. Major Dunning-Krueger effect. A few manage it and manage it well, but in my experience the more common outcome doesn't even qualify as daycare. I suggest that anyone repeating that talking point actually try to teach anyone anything before they assume they'll be the next Maria Montessori.

NikolaNovak 5y ago

>>"With all due respect, folks don't know what they'll do as a parent until they're a parent." Oh man... Are those words ever true. I lived through civil war, Was a child refugee, switched countries and continents, lost parents and loved ones, had first job first love first wife,and generally had a fairly interesting life... And ALL of that was "Phase 1". Nothing compared to complete transformation of life priorities prerogatives options perspective free time disposable income attention sleep et cetera that having a child did. It's astonishing to me how ... Pervasive and common, and yet unique and personal and shocking the experience is! :-) But I will be first to admit that pre-children me and post-children me will have multiple areas of vehement disagreement and inability to understand each other :->

xwdv 5y ago
Is it possible to have children without succumbing to the lifestyle of a common parents?
- NikolaNovak 5y ago
  As a non parent I had 100% faith and intention. As a parent, yes I think it's possible and eminently achieveable,if that is and remains your goal. BUT! Some stereotypical parenting behaviours that I found ridiculous before, now make a lot more sense. Silly illustrative example - I spent years trying to persuade my friends against SUVs and large vehicles. Braking distance visibility handling price etc, I vehemently made my arguments. Now I cheerfully drive a minivan because it makes my life manifestly better and I couldn't care less about image or non-parent perception or judgement :-) More importantly, There are also a lot of relationship paradigms that make a lot of sense when you are a young independent couple, that completely break down when you are sleep deprived not for a day or week or even a month but seminpermanently, while having the biggest demands and constant responsibility for your actions and behaviour, and influence on and safety of another human being! Add lack of free time and lack of disposable income and your preferences are definitely nudged in certain direction. And don't get me wrong, it's not that you are forced to behave a certain way... It's just that things that were impractical or undesirable before, are now practical and desirable. It's transformarive, in a way that I 100% know I would not be able to even explain let alone convince my pre-children self. That being said, for empirical counter example - Musk still be Musk :-)
- lostmsu 5y ago
  Delegate raising your children to your parents or adopt them away.

notacoward 5y ago

A lot of the non-parents saying "I'll home school because the schools are just daycare" have an incredibly inflated notion of their own ability to teach. Major Dunning-Krueger effect. A few manage it and manage it well, but in my experience the more common outcome doesn't even qualify as daycare. I suggest that anyone repeating that talking point actually try to teach anyone anything before they assume they'll be the next Maria Montessori.