5 ms·

Yeah, I'd never date at work, but it really is a problem that nearly 100% of the typical American's time is now spent in environments where sexual advances are

Yeah, I'd never date at work, but it really is a problem that nearly 100% of the typical American's time is now spent in environments where sexual advances are inappropriate. The beneficiary of this situation is Tinder et al, but what they have created is a wasteland.

dtjb 5y ago
sexual advances have always been inappropriate at work.
- jandrese 5y ago
  Inappropriate yes, but the big difference is they are no longer tolerated. In the old days the worst a guy might expect is getting slapped on the face or maybe an aside from the boss telling them to knock it off. These days you get fired and blacklisted. The stakes are much higher.
  - deleted 5y ago
    [deleted]
  - Smoofer 5y ago
    This seems like a positive to me?
    - jandrese 5y ago
      I didn't mean to come across like this is a bad thing. I was just pointing out that the world has changed and not everybody has realized it yet.
    - FooBarBizBazz 5y ago
      I would agree with that if we could change one phrase in the parent post: If instead of saying "It" (with "sexual advances" being the antecedent), the post had said "sexual harassment", I'd have been on board. This sounds like nitpicking but it isn't. People use "advances" and "harassment" as synonyms. They should not be.
- FooBarBizBazz 5y ago
  What about school? I'm not just talking about disrespect. Disrespect is bad in almost almost all contexts. Because, I have to be clear: Asking someone on a date is a sexual advance.
  - jandrese 5y ago
    Nobody is getting fired for asking someone if they want to go out for drinks after work. The people who got fired are the ones who couldn't take "no" for an answer and got weird/creepy about it.
    - FooBarBizBazz 5y ago
      I think Andrew Cuomo would disagree. Granted, he's a political target.
      - tomjakubowski 5y ago
        Cuomo's alleged behavior goes well beyond asking an employee out for drinks.
        FooBarBizBazz 5y ago
        Last I heard, people were going after him for sending jocular texts about "mingle mamas" going to Las Vegas, and asking a staffer if she'd ever consider a relationship with an older man. He wasn't exactly Comrade Beria.
  - HeyLaughingBoy 5y ago
    If you stand by the door asking every woman who walks by if they'd like to go out with you (no, I'm not making this up. It actually happened in college), I'd say that's a bad idea and not going to end well. If you see someone who's attractive and you managed to strike up a few conversations with them and it seems that they like you, then I'd say that asking them out is a perfectly reasonable thing to do.
- germinalphrase 5y ago
  Charitably, their point is that we all work too much.
  - FooBarBizBazz 5y ago
    That's a big part of it. And that the sphere of "professionalism" has expanded too far outside of work, even when you're not actually working.
- fxtentacle 5y ago
  Isn't "at work" the #1 top place where couples meet in real life? (Used to be for the 1970s generation, now it's "through friends" and then "at work") https://www.bustle.com/p/the-most-popular-ways-people-are-meeting-their-significant-others-in-2018-8075828 https://www.bustle.com/p/the-most-popular-ways-people-are-me...
  - FooBarBizBazz 5y ago
    I think the empirical change you find there is a direct consequence of what I'm talking about.
- thomastjeffery 5y ago
  Sure. That doesn't change the surrounding factors that make this situation more likely.
kristjansson 5y ago
Sexual advances should be inappropriate in most places? I think at least half of the population (and hopefully most of the remainder) would disagree that proscribing sexual advances from shared places without an expectation of such has a _negative_ effect?
- spoonjim 5y ago
  Your sentence has a lot of negatives so I'm not sure what you're exactly trying to say but I don't think there are that many people that are happy with the state of dating and coupling right now, except perhaps very attractive heterosexual men.
  - kristjansson 5y ago
    Yeah that wasn’t very clear. I was trying to say that I think most women probably don’t share GPs view.
    - spoonjim 5y ago
      Most women don’t have an enjoyable experience of being approached because too many of the men approaching them do not meet their attractiveness bar. You’ll find that many women who say “don’t hit on women at the gym” won’t mind at all if George Clooney does it.
Smoofer 5y ago
Not sure what you're trying to imply with this comment. Outside of the workplace, I don't think anyone considers it inappropriate to get chatting with someone (read: NOT a coworker, especially not one you have power over) and later ask them out on a date. This happens probably millions of times in various settings every single night.
- FooBarBizBazz 5y ago
  Ok. Say it's a Python conference and you've never met them before.
  - Smoofer 5y ago
    That seems a lot like a work event, where people are there in a professional capacity.
    - FooBarBizBazz 5y ago
      That's the convention now. But before that battle got fought, you might have thought it was a hobby. Like the local under-35s $LIGHT_RECREATIONAL_SPORT meetup, which people treat as a recurring singles event.

dtjb 5y ago

sexual advances have always been inappropriate at work.

jandrese 5y ago
Inappropriate yes, but the big difference is they are no longer tolerated. In the old days the worst a guy might expect is getting slapped on the face or maybe an aside from the boss telling them to knock it off. These days you get fired and blacklisted. The stakes are much higher.
- deleted 5y ago
  [deleted]
- Smoofer 5y ago
  This seems like a positive to me?
  - jandrese 5y ago
    I didn't mean to come across like this is a bad thing. I was just pointing out that the world has changed and not everybody has realized it yet.
  - FooBarBizBazz 5y ago
    I would agree with that if we could change one phrase in the parent post: If instead of saying "It" (with "sexual advances" being the antecedent), the post had said "sexual harassment", I'd have been on board. This sounds like nitpicking but it isn't. People use "advances" and "harassment" as synonyms. They should not be.
FooBarBizBazz 5y ago
What about school? I'm not just talking about disrespect. Disrespect is bad in almost almost all contexts. Because, I have to be clear: Asking someone on a date is a sexual advance.
- jandrese 5y ago
  Nobody is getting fired for asking someone if they want to go out for drinks after work. The people who got fired are the ones who couldn't take "no" for an answer and got weird/creepy about it.
  - FooBarBizBazz 5y ago
    I think Andrew Cuomo would disagree. Granted, he's a political target.
    - tomjakubowski 5y ago
      Cuomo's alleged behavior goes well beyond asking an employee out for drinks.
      - FooBarBizBazz 5y ago
        Last I heard, people were going after him for sending jocular texts about "mingle mamas" going to Las Vegas, and asking a staffer if she'd ever consider a relationship with an older man. He wasn't exactly Comrade Beria.
- HeyLaughingBoy 5y ago
  If you stand by the door asking every woman who walks by if they'd like to go out with you (no, I'm not making this up. It actually happened in college), I'd say that's a bad idea and not going to end well. If you see someone who's attractive and you managed to strike up a few conversations with them and it seems that they like you, then I'd say that asking them out is a perfectly reasonable thing to do.
germinalphrase 5y ago
Charitably, their point is that we all work too much.
- FooBarBizBazz 5y ago
  That's a big part of it. And that the sphere of "professionalism" has expanded too far outside of work, even when you're not actually working.
fxtentacle 5y ago
Isn't "at work" the #1 top place where couples meet in real life? (Used to be for the 1970s generation, now it's "through friends" and then "at work") https://www.bustle.com/p/the-most-popular-ways-people-are-meeting-their-significant-others-in-2018-8075828 https://www.bustle.com/p/the-most-popular-ways-people-are-me...
- FooBarBizBazz 5y ago
  I think the empirical change you find there is a direct consequence of what I'm talking about.
thomastjeffery 5y ago
Sure. That doesn't change the surrounding factors that make this situation more likely.

kristjansson 5y ago

Sexual advances should be inappropriate in most places? I think at least half of the population (and hopefully most of the remainder) would disagree that proscribing sexual advances from shared places without an expectation of such has a _negative_ effect?

spoonjim 5y ago
Your sentence has a lot of negatives so I'm not sure what you're exactly trying to say but I don't think there are that many people that are happy with the state of dating and coupling right now, except perhaps very attractive heterosexual men.
- kristjansson 5y ago
  Yeah that wasn’t very clear. I was trying to say that I think most women probably don’t share GPs view.
  - spoonjim 5y ago
    Most women don’t have an enjoyable experience of being approached because too many of the men approaching them do not meet their attractiveness bar. You’ll find that many women who say “don’t hit on women at the gym” won’t mind at all if George Clooney does it.

Smoofer 5y ago

Not sure what you're trying to imply with this comment. Outside of the workplace, I don't think anyone considers it inappropriate to get chatting with someone (read: NOT a coworker, especially not one you have power over) and later ask them out on a date. This happens probably millions of times in various settings every single night.

FooBarBizBazz 5y ago
Ok. Say it's a Python conference and you've never met them before.
- Smoofer 5y ago
  That seems a lot like a work event, where people are there in a professional capacity.
  - FooBarBizBazz 5y ago
    That's the convention now. But before that battle got fought, you might have thought it was a hobby. Like the local under-35s $LIGHT_RECREATIONAL_SPORT meetup, which people treat as a recurring singles event.