5 ms·

Is it really that weird? I know a number of couples that got together through work When you spend so much time at work it's no surprise that interactions that

Is it really that weird? I know a number of couples that got together through work When you spend so much time at work it's no surprise that interactions that could lead to relationships happen at those hours. Of course I'm not advocating for sexual harassment in any way. I think that the immaturity usually happens as the inability to accept a negative answer and back off

warent 5y ago
It sounds like you and parent are talking about two different things. I read they're saying it's weird to look for sexual hookups at work, not that it's weird to find an actual life partner through work.
- brandall10 5y ago
  They said romantic partners, which could be both.
- deleted 5y ago
  [deleted]
- fxtentacle 5y ago
  Isn't the first one usually the precursor to the second? I mean I might be totally wrong and the US is much more puritan than I think it to be, but here in Europe, people usually first start doing the fun things and then later figure out if their character and life situation is compatible for a long-term relationship.
  - warent 5y ago
    True, that's very typical in the USA! Still, I think it can make things pretty complicated with work colleagues, with people you have to see all the time and can't easily cut off without having to actually leave your job. As for me, I don't experience sexual attraction before an emotional bond, which is atypical. With that, take my perspective with a grain of salt
Maursault 5y ago
> Is it really that weird? Let's be decisive about this. Yes, it is weird, and not just weird, also unethical, even if your job takes all your time, leaving no time for social life, and you're really really lonely, or you really really like someone, it is still weird. It is saying, "I work here, so I am entitled to engage in activity for which I was not hired, has nothing whatsoever to do with the work yet I will be paid while I do it because I do it on company time, as well as, at the very least distracting, if not disturbing, harassing, and threatening coworkers." That said, it is also a really bad idea if you care about the job, but I expect anyone who engages in that activity could not care less about the job. There is an idiom that applies here, "don't shit where you eat."
- adamrezich 5y ago
  it's not weird at all for feelings of attraction between people who see each other every day to form, and for one or both of them to pursue a romantic relationship as a result. this happened many many times in both of our lineages such that we were born and exist today, because humans are social creatures and at some point we evolved beyond just raping each other to procreate. now obviously, offices aren't purely social spaces, you are there to get work done. but what kind of office do you work at where nobody interacts in any way that isn't 100% related to accomplishing work tasks? what makes seeking out a romantic partner at work "weird" compared to seeking out a friendship? (assuming rejection, etc. is handled gracefully—obviously, there's always risk in asking someone out.) (disclaimer: met my wife-to-be at work. (disclaimer: said work was at Walmart, between programming jobs.))
  - Maursault 5y ago
    Congratulations, honestly, and there's nothing wrong with working at WalMart, so the context is unnecessary. But here's the thing: you both violated your employment contract with WalMart, which I doubt explicitly forbids it, but it is exceedingly unlikely your job was ever intended to include romance, to literally pay you to meet and romance your future wife, or vice versa. That's why it is clearly unethical, and obviously many have succumbed to this moral hazard and unsurprisingly incorrectly believe it is appropriate behavior. What you do when you're not working is your business. What you do while working for your employer is their business. Either you made your romance WalMart's business, or you have deceived and stolen wages from WalMart. I think one of Kant's categorical imperatives may make this clearer: "act only in accordance with that maxim through which you can at the same time will that it become a universal law.” Imagine you have 100 employees working for you and your business is competitive. How many coupled romances initiated among them while at work would you tolerate on your dime? If your answer is not "50," then we have a problem, whether it is psychological egoism, narcissism, or just run-of-the-mill hypocrisy. And if your answer is "50," it is likely your business won't be able to compete for tolerating your employees screwing around at work, because you're just paying them not to work. I doubt that could be profitable.
handrous 5y ago
It's the exact opposite of weird. Tons of people still end up in relationships with people they initially hit it off with at work, despite a well-publicized increase in risk and efforts at shifting norms so we think it's "weird". It may be a lot of things—including ill-advised—but it's not weird.

warent 5y ago

It sounds like you and parent are talking about two different things. I read they're saying it's weird to look for sexual hookups at work, not that it's weird to find an actual life partner through work.

brandall10 5y ago
They said romantic partners, which could be both.
deleted 5y ago
[deleted]
fxtentacle 5y ago
Isn't the first one usually the precursor to the second? I mean I might be totally wrong and the US is much more puritan than I think it to be, but here in Europe, people usually first start doing the fun things and then later figure out if their character and life situation is compatible for a long-term relationship.
- warent 5y ago
  True, that's very typical in the USA! Still, I think it can make things pretty complicated with work colleagues, with people you have to see all the time and can't easily cut off without having to actually leave your job. As for me, I don't experience sexual attraction before an emotional bond, which is atypical. With that, take my perspective with a grain of salt

Maursault 5y ago

> Is it really that weird? Let's be decisive about this. Yes, it is weird, and not just weird, also unethical, even if your job takes all your time, leaving no time for social life, and you're really really lonely, or you really really like someone, it is still weird. It is saying, "I work here, so I am entitled to engage in activity for which I was not hired, has nothing whatsoever to do with the work yet I will be paid while I do it because I do it on company time, as well as, at the very least distracting, if not disturbing, harassing, and threatening coworkers." That said, it is also a really bad idea if you care about the job, but I expect anyone who engages in that activity could not care less about the job. There is an idiom that applies here, "don't shit where you eat."

adamrezich 5y ago
it's not weird at all for feelings of attraction between people who see each other every day to form, and for one or both of them to pursue a romantic relationship as a result. this happened many many times in both of our lineages such that we were born and exist today, because humans are social creatures and at some point we evolved beyond just raping each other to procreate. now obviously, offices aren't purely social spaces, you are there to get work done. but what kind of office do you work at where nobody interacts in any way that isn't 100% related to accomplishing work tasks? what makes seeking out a romantic partner at work "weird" compared to seeking out a friendship? (assuming rejection, etc. is handled gracefully—obviously, there's always risk in asking someone out.) (disclaimer: met my wife-to-be at work. (disclaimer: said work was at Walmart, between programming jobs.))
- Maursault 5y ago
  Congratulations, honestly, and there's nothing wrong with working at WalMart, so the context is unnecessary. But here's the thing: you both violated your employment contract with WalMart, which I doubt explicitly forbids it, but it is exceedingly unlikely your job was ever intended to include romance, to literally pay you to meet and romance your future wife, or vice versa. That's why it is clearly unethical, and obviously many have succumbed to this moral hazard and unsurprisingly incorrectly believe it is appropriate behavior. What you do when you're not working is your business. What you do while working for your employer is their business. Either you made your romance WalMart's business, or you have deceived and stolen wages from WalMart. I think one of Kant's categorical imperatives may make this clearer: "act only in accordance with that maxim through which you can at the same time will that it become a universal law.” Imagine you have 100 employees working for you and your business is competitive. How many coupled romances initiated among them while at work would you tolerate on your dime? If your answer is not "50," then we have a problem, whether it is psychological egoism, narcissism, or just run-of-the-mill hypocrisy. And if your answer is "50," it is likely your business won't be able to compete for tolerating your employees screwing around at work, because you're just paying them not to work. I doubt that could be profitable.

handrous 5y ago

It's the exact opposite of weird. Tons of people still end up in relationships with people they initially hit it off with at work, despite a well-publicized increase in risk and efforts at shifting norms so we think it's "weird". It may be a lot of things—including ill-advised—but it's not weird.