8 ms·

Sounds like sexual immaturity on the part of the male employees. It’s weird that people look for romantic partners at work. But then again, if you work for spac

by reidjs 5y ago

Sounds like sexual immaturity on the part of the male employees. It’s weird that people look for romantic partners at work. But then again, if you work for spaceX, you probably don’t have many opportunities to look for a woman outside of work because of the demanding hours.

ugjka 5y ago
Grabbing someone's butt is looking for romantic partner?
- ionforce 5y ago
  Some people lack the emotional maturity and respect for other human beings.
deleted 5y ago
[deleted]
savant_penguin 5y ago
Is it really that weird? I know a number of couples that got together through work When you spend so much time at work it's no surprise that interactions that could lead to relationships happen at those hours. Of course I'm not advocating for sexual harassment in any way. I think that the immaturity usually happens as the inability to accept a negative answer and back off
- warent 5y ago
  It sounds like you and parent are talking about two different things. I read they're saying it's weird to look for sexual hookups at work, not that it's weird to find an actual life partner through work.
  - brandall10 5y ago
    They said romantic partners, which could be both.
  - deleted 5y ago
    [deleted]
  - fxtentacle 5y ago
    Isn't the first one usually the precursor to the second? I mean I might be totally wrong and the US is much more puritan than I think it to be, but here in Europe, people usually first start doing the fun things and then later figure out if their character and life situation is compatible for a long-term relationship.
    - warent 5y ago
      True, that's very typical in the USA! Still, I think it can make things pretty complicated with work colleagues, with people you have to see all the time and can't easily cut off without having to actually leave your job. As for me, I don't experience sexual attraction before an emotional bond, which is atypical. With that, take my perspective with a grain of salt
- Maursault 5y ago
  > Is it really that weird? Let's be decisive about this. Yes, it is weird, and not just weird, also unethical, even if your job takes all your time, leaving no time for social life, and you're really really lonely, or you really really like someone, it is still weird. It is saying, "I work here, so I am entitled to engage in activity for which I was not hired, has nothing whatsoever to do with the work yet I will be paid while I do it because I do it on company time, as well as, at the very least distracting, if not disturbing, harassing, and threatening coworkers." That said, it is also a really bad idea if you care about the job, but I expect anyone who engages in that activity could not care less about the job. There is an idiom that applies here, "don't shit where you eat."
  - adamrezich 5y ago
    it's not weird at all for feelings of attraction between people who see each other every day to form, and for one or both of them to pursue a romantic relationship as a result. this happened many many times in both of our lineages such that we were born and exist today, because humans are social creatures and at some point we evolved beyond just raping each other to procreate. now obviously, offices aren't purely social spaces, you are there to get work done. but what kind of office do you work at where nobody interacts in any way that isn't 100% related to accomplishing work tasks? what makes seeking out a romantic partner at work "weird" compared to seeking out a friendship? (assuming rejection, etc. is handled gracefully—obviously, there's always risk in asking someone out.) (disclaimer: met my wife-to-be at work. (disclaimer: said work was at Walmart, between programming jobs.))
    - Maursault 5y ago
      Congratulations, honestly, and there's nothing wrong with working at WalMart, so the context is unnecessary. But here's the thing: you both violated your employment contract with WalMart, which I doubt explicitly forbids it, but it is exceedingly unlikely your job was ever intended to include romance, to literally pay you to meet and romance your future wife, or vice versa. That's why it is clearly unethical, and obviously many have succumbed to this moral hazard and unsurprisingly incorrectly believe it is appropriate behavior. What you do when you're not working is your business. What you do while working for your employer is their business. Either you made your romance WalMart's business, or you have deceived and stolen wages from WalMart. I think one of Kant's categorical imperatives may make this clearer: "act only in accordance with that maxim through which you can at the same time will that it become a universal law.” Imagine you have 100 employees working for you and your business is competitive. How many coupled romances initiated among them while at work would you tolerate on your dime? If your answer is not "50," then we have a problem, whether it is psychological egoism, narcissism, or just run-of-the-mill hypocrisy. And if your answer is "50," it is likely your business won't be able to compete for tolerating your employees screwing around at work, because you're just paying them not to work. I doubt that could be profitable.
- handrous 5y ago
  It's the exact opposite of weird. Tons of people still end up in relationships with people they initially hit it off with at work, despite a well-publicized increase in risk and efforts at shifting norms so we think it's "weird". It may be a lot of things—including ill-advised—but it's not weird.
AlgorithmicTime 5y ago
Why is looking for a romantic partner where you do most of your socializing weird?
- reidjs 5y ago
  my rationale is the odds of a relationship not working out are substantially higher than it will. Also, there is a relatively low chance I will still want to see my ex after a breakup. So I try my hardest not to see my coworkers as romantic options. It’s not easy, but I feel like it helps keep things professional in the workplace.
- pbalau 5y ago
  Because some people can't fathom being paid to do a thing they like, hence "work" is a thing one has to do to enable the things they like to do. This is very sad, but not because these people, but because people have to do things they don't like at all, just to exist. Then, there is this arbitrary line in the sand between work and things like volunteering. I have a well paying job as a swe for a company. I also volunteer for my sailing clubs for various things. I get paid in both cases. For my swe job via moneis and other perks. For my sailing clubs by providing some services today, so someone else can go sailing and they'll do the same next week. Still work, different pay.
BbzzbB 5y ago
While I'd personally feel uneasy asking out a co-worker and never have, I don't think it's weird as long as there's no power/authority dynamic (even than I don't think it's an absolute per se), it even used to be a dominant location where couples met [0]. Still ranks relatively high, above elementary and secondary school. It's a more delicate situation as you shouldn't be really flirting with coworkers or disrespectful of boundaries, but asking one with whom there's a good relationship and possibly mutual attraction isn't really weird. FWIW, I'm not commenting on this article where there's no respect for boundaries and dismissive HR, but the blanket statement. 0: https://web.stanford.edu/~mrosenfe/Rosenfeld_et_al_Disintermediating_Friends.pdf#page=17 https://web.stanford.edu/~mrosenfe/Rosenfeld_et_al_Disinterm...
FooBarBizBazz 5y ago
Yeah, I'd never date at work, but it really is a problem that nearly 100% of the typical American's time is now spent in environments where sexual advances are inappropriate. The beneficiary of this situation is Tinder et al, but what they have created is a wasteland.
- dtjb 5y ago
  sexual advances have always been inappropriate at work.
  - jandrese 5y ago
    Inappropriate yes, but the big difference is they are no longer tolerated. In the old days the worst a guy might expect is getting slapped on the face or maybe an aside from the boss telling them to knock it off. These days you get fired and blacklisted. The stakes are much higher.
    - deleted 5y ago
      [deleted]
    - Smoofer 5y ago
      This seems like a positive to me?
      - jandrese 5y ago
        I didn't mean to come across like this is a bad thing. I was just pointing out that the world has changed and not everybody has realized it yet.
      - FooBarBizBazz 5y ago
        I would agree with that if we could change one phrase in the parent post: If instead of saying "It" (with "sexual advances" being the antecedent), the post had said "sexual harassment", I'd have been on board. This sounds like nitpicking but it isn't. People use "advances" and "harassment" as synonyms. They should not be.
Tade0 5y ago
> It’s weird that people look for romantic partners at work. My sister met both her current and former partner at work. It's more common than it might seem.

by reidjs 5y ago

ugjka 5y ago

Grabbing someone's butt is looking for romantic partner?

ionforce 5y ago
Some people lack the emotional maturity and respect for other human beings.

deleted 5y ago

[deleted]

savant_penguin 5y ago

Is it really that weird? I know a number of couples that got together through work When you spend so much time at work it's no surprise that interactions that could lead to relationships happen at those hours. Of course I'm not advocating for sexual harassment in any way. I think that the immaturity usually happens as the inability to accept a negative answer and back off

warent 5y ago
It sounds like you and parent are talking about two different things. I read they're saying it's weird to look for sexual hookups at work, not that it's weird to find an actual life partner through work.
- brandall10 5y ago
  They said romantic partners, which could be both.
- deleted 5y ago
  [deleted]
- fxtentacle 5y ago
  Isn't the first one usually the precursor to the second? I mean I might be totally wrong and the US is much more puritan than I think it to be, but here in Europe, people usually first start doing the fun things and then later figure out if their character and life situation is compatible for a long-term relationship.
  - warent 5y ago
    True, that's very typical in the USA! Still, I think it can make things pretty complicated with work colleagues, with people you have to see all the time and can't easily cut off without having to actually leave your job. As for me, I don't experience sexual attraction before an emotional bond, which is atypical. With that, take my perspective with a grain of salt
Maursault 5y ago
> Is it really that weird? Let's be decisive about this. Yes, it is weird, and not just weird, also unethical, even if your job takes all your time, leaving no time for social life, and you're really really lonely, or you really really like someone, it is still weird. It is saying, "I work here, so I am entitled to engage in activity for which I was not hired, has nothing whatsoever to do with the work yet I will be paid while I do it because I do it on company time, as well as, at the very least distracting, if not disturbing, harassing, and threatening coworkers." That said, it is also a really bad idea if you care about the job, but I expect anyone who engages in that activity could not care less about the job. There is an idiom that applies here, "don't shit where you eat."
- adamrezich 5y ago
  it's not weird at all for feelings of attraction between people who see each other every day to form, and for one or both of them to pursue a romantic relationship as a result. this happened many many times in both of our lineages such that we were born and exist today, because humans are social creatures and at some point we evolved beyond just raping each other to procreate. now obviously, offices aren't purely social spaces, you are there to get work done. but what kind of office do you work at where nobody interacts in any way that isn't 100% related to accomplishing work tasks? what makes seeking out a romantic partner at work "weird" compared to seeking out a friendship? (assuming rejection, etc. is handled gracefully—obviously, there's always risk in asking someone out.) (disclaimer: met my wife-to-be at work. (disclaimer: said work was at Walmart, between programming jobs.))
  - Maursault 5y ago
    Congratulations, honestly, and there's nothing wrong with working at WalMart, so the context is unnecessary. But here's the thing: you both violated your employment contract with WalMart, which I doubt explicitly forbids it, but it is exceedingly unlikely your job was ever intended to include romance, to literally pay you to meet and romance your future wife, or vice versa. That's why it is clearly unethical, and obviously many have succumbed to this moral hazard and unsurprisingly incorrectly believe it is appropriate behavior. What you do when you're not working is your business. What you do while working for your employer is their business. Either you made your romance WalMart's business, or you have deceived and stolen wages from WalMart. I think one of Kant's categorical imperatives may make this clearer: "act only in accordance with that maxim through which you can at the same time will that it become a universal law.” Imagine you have 100 employees working for you and your business is competitive. How many coupled romances initiated among them while at work would you tolerate on your dime? If your answer is not "50," then we have a problem, whether it is psychological egoism, narcissism, or just run-of-the-mill hypocrisy. And if your answer is "50," it is likely your business won't be able to compete for tolerating your employees screwing around at work, because you're just paying them not to work. I doubt that could be profitable.
handrous 5y ago
It's the exact opposite of weird. Tons of people still end up in relationships with people they initially hit it off with at work, despite a well-publicized increase in risk and efforts at shifting norms so we think it's "weird". It may be a lot of things—including ill-advised—but it's not weird.

AlgorithmicTime 5y ago

Why is looking for a romantic partner where you do most of your socializing weird?

reidjs 5y ago
my rationale is the odds of a relationship not working out are substantially higher than it will. Also, there is a relatively low chance I will still want to see my ex after a breakup. So I try my hardest not to see my coworkers as romantic options. It’s not easy, but I feel like it helps keep things professional in the workplace.
pbalau 5y ago
Because some people can't fathom being paid to do a thing they like, hence "work" is a thing one has to do to enable the things they like to do. This is very sad, but not because these people, but because people have to do things they don't like at all, just to exist. Then, there is this arbitrary line in the sand between work and things like volunteering. I have a well paying job as a swe for a company. I also volunteer for my sailing clubs for various things. I get paid in both cases. For my swe job via moneis and other perks. For my sailing clubs by providing some services today, so someone else can go sailing and they'll do the same next week. Still work, different pay.

BbzzbB 5y ago

While I'd personally feel uneasy asking out a co-worker and never have, I don't think it's weird as long as there's no power/authority dynamic (even than I don't think it's an absolute per se), it even used to be a dominant location where couples met [0]. Still ranks relatively high, above elementary and secondary school. It's a more delicate situation as you shouldn't be really flirting with coworkers or disrespectful of boundaries, but asking one with whom there's a good relationship and possibly mutual attraction isn't really weird. FWIW, I'm not commenting on this article where there's no respect for boundaries and dismissive HR, but the blanket statement. 0: https://web.stanford.edu/~mrosenfe/Rosenfeld_et_al_Disintermediating_Friends.pdf#page=17 https://web.stanford.edu/~mrosenfe/Rosenfeld_et_al_Disinterm...

FooBarBizBazz 5y ago

Yeah, I'd never date at work, but it really is a problem that nearly 100% of the typical American's time is now spent in environments where sexual advances are inappropriate. The beneficiary of this situation is Tinder et al, but what they have created is a wasteland.

dtjb 5y ago
sexual advances have always been inappropriate at work.
- jandrese 5y ago
  Inappropriate yes, but the big difference is they are no longer tolerated. In the old days the worst a guy might expect is getting slapped on the face or maybe an aside from the boss telling them to knock it off. These days you get fired and blacklisted. The stakes are much higher.
  - deleted 5y ago
    [deleted]
  - Smoofer 5y ago
    This seems like a positive to me?
    - jandrese 5y ago
      I didn't mean to come across like this is a bad thing. I was just pointing out that the world has changed and not everybody has realized it yet.
    - FooBarBizBazz 5y ago
      I would agree with that if we could change one phrase in the parent post: If instead of saying "It" (with "sexual advances" being the antecedent), the post had said "sexual harassment", I'd have been on board. This sounds like nitpicking but it isn't. People use "advances" and "harassment" as synonyms. They should not be.

Tade0 5y ago

> It’s weird that people look for romantic partners at work. My sister met both her current and former partner at work. It's more common than it might seem.