4 ms·

> Confidence that you're just fine on your own is waaay more important If that's the pitch to your ego, it'd quickly rebut : "then why are you going through al

by GDC7 5y ago

> Confidence that you're just fine on your own is waaay more important If that's the pitch to your ego, it'd quickly rebut : "then why are you going through all the rejections with the associated pain which makes me suffer so bad?" > Worst thing in my life was when i came off as desperate Do you think those who try and win the World Cup or the Super Bowl or even a get a loan or VC investment perceive themselves in the same way? The above goals are not unlike a healthy dating life. As a rule of thumb if it only happens with dating, then it's in your head and you have to find a way to justify constant failures in order to keep swinging for the fences and not demoralize yourself with thoughts such as "coming off as despearate". Cam Newton would not define himself as coming off as desperate for trying to win the Super Bowl, neither would Lionel Messi in his World Cup quest, Djokovic for the grand slam , you name it...dating isn't different, except of course the Lombardi Trophy can't publicly humiliate you with insults in the middle of the club or at the bar. But the few men who can practice transient objectification won't be hearing insults either as they have the capability of failing fast, blocking insults out , keep moving and keep swinging for the fences

tubby12345 5y ago
>"then why are you going through all the rejections with the associated pain which makes me suffer so bad?" you've assumed the premise without even knowing it and it's doubly ironic because it didn't occur to you exactly because of what you represent in your first comment. here's the answer that didn't occur to you because you just assumed you were right: lol what rejections and terrible suffering and pain? i'm recently married but during all of the time i dated (>15 years since high school) i had maybe one or two rejections at all (and none to speak of that were painful). and i had 2 relationships a year over that time (on average - college was college...). you know why? well for one because i did exactly what this person you responded to suggested: never objectified women and was always confident about my merits. the other thing i never did was treat dating like some kind of obsession or game, so never did i "swing for the fences". >Cam Newton coincidentally enough i went to college at UF and my time overlapped with Cam Newton's. if he's the guy that is a symbol of success for you (even metaphorically) in this domain then ho boy you have bigger problems than just dating.
- GDC7 5y ago
  > i had maybe one or two rejections at all Seems to me a failure to approach at the bar. After an intial approach (which could also be rejected outright) maybe 10 minutes will pass before the moment of truth comes and you either get the number or not see each other again. At least in big cities like NYC, LA, Chicago..that's the most frequent scenario as far as nightlife is concerned. Not getting the number=rejection > if he's the guy that is a symbol of success for you (even metaphorically) in this domain then ho boy you have bigger problems than just dating. Well, luck plays a huge role in every person life..that said if you think Cam Newton is a failure where are your 100M dollar for "working" in the NFL playing football? And of course I imagine he had so many partners he lost count (and also being sexualized by a good % of the millions of women follower he has on INstagram) Again lots of it is luck, but it cannot be said that Cam Newton is not lving his best life according to objective metrics.
  - tubby12345 5y ago
    >Seems to me a failure to approach at the bar ... >Not getting the number=rejection you're redefining success to be a very narrow, highly, contrived, outcome. i had a rich and successful dating life by any measure so you can't tell me that i wasn't successful (you're just arguing that water isn't it if you do that).

by GDC7 5y ago

tubby12345 5y ago

>"then why are you going through all the rejections with the associated pain which makes me suffer so bad?" you've assumed the premise without even knowing it and it's doubly ironic because it didn't occur to you exactly because of what you represent in your first comment. here's the answer that didn't occur to you because you just assumed you were right: lol what rejections and terrible suffering and pain? i'm recently married but during all of the time i dated (>15 years since high school) i had maybe one or two rejections at all (and none to speak of that were painful). and i had 2 relationships a year over that time (on average - college was college...). you know why? well for one because i did exactly what this person you responded to suggested: never objectified women and was always confident about my merits. the other thing i never did was treat dating like some kind of obsession or game, so never did i "swing for the fences". >Cam Newton coincidentally enough i went to college at UF and my time overlapped with Cam Newton's. if he's the guy that is a symbol of success for you (even metaphorically) in this domain then ho boy you have bigger problems than just dating.

GDC7 5y ago
> i had maybe one or two rejections at all Seems to me a failure to approach at the bar. After an intial approach (which could also be rejected outright) maybe 10 minutes will pass before the moment of truth comes and you either get the number or not see each other again. At least in big cities like NYC, LA, Chicago..that's the most frequent scenario as far as nightlife is concerned. Not getting the number=rejection > if he's the guy that is a symbol of success for you (even metaphorically) in this domain then ho boy you have bigger problems than just dating. Well, luck plays a huge role in every person life..that said if you think Cam Newton is a failure where are your 100M dollar for "working" in the NFL playing football? And of course I imagine he had so many partners he lost count (and also being sexualized by a good % of the millions of women follower he has on INstagram) Again lots of it is luck, but it cannot be said that Cam Newton is not lving his best life according to objective metrics.
- tubby12345 5y ago
  >Seems to me a failure to approach at the bar ... >Not getting the number=rejection you're redefining success to be a very narrow, highly, contrived, outcome. i had a rich and successful dating life by any measure so you can't tell me that i wasn't successful (you're just arguing that water isn't it if you do that).