4 ms·

When you’ve been scammed, disappointed, heartbroken, cheated out, beaten up too many times in life, you will approach new things with cynicism. So many times t

by xwdv 5y ago

When you’ve been scammed, disappointed, heartbroken, cheated out, beaten up too many times in life, you will approach new things with cynicism. So many times things in life do not live up to expectations. Often you think you’re interacting with someone but really you’re just interacting with their ego, there is no genuine connection. They build up a rapport with you so they could later cash in on their influence and make you hand over what they really want. The general incompetence of society, the proud ignorance of people who have dug themselves into holes, it makes you look like an asshole for not fitting in, just for minding your own business and doing what’s best for you. How can one not be a cynic in this kind of world? Everything new you come across is likely to disappoint.

bsuvc 5y ago
> do not live up to expectations I think this might be the key. Have you heard this expression before: Disappointment = expectations - reality Unfortunately I'm not sure offhand where that saying originated, but I think it is true, at least for me. I'll spare you a lecture on it because, believe me, I'm no expert. But it is an expression I try to remind myself of from time to time to cope with people and things that might anger me.
- matheusmoreira 5y ago
  Nothing wrong with having expectations. Things are supposed to be good. Marriages are supposed to be forever. Justice is supposed to be done. Politicians are supposed to be honest. Governments are supposed to look out for us. Companies are supposed to provide good products and services. Obviously reality falls short of expectations no matter what we do. Enough disappointment will demoralize anyone. It will shatter their understanding of the world, their sense of right and wrong, of cause and effect. Cynicism is born when the disturbing realities become the new expectations. Cynicists expect the world to keep disappointing them.
  - bsuvc 5y ago
    I didn't mean to say it was wrong to have expectations. I should have elaborated I guess, but tried to keep it short. I have high expectations for people and things that are important and close to me, and low expectations for things not as important to me or out of my control. It doesn't mean I don't care about some of those other things at all. It's just that I only have a limited amount of mental and emotional energy to spend, and I try to spend it wisely. Edit: hmm, maybe I'm sort of a cynic if I have low expectations. But I don't really think of myself that way. I try to be optimistic and focus on things I can do and not dwell on what I can't.
- boltzmann_brain 5y ago
  You will not be disappointed if you have no expectations.
scaramanga 5y ago
You seem to be focussing very much on the problems with other people, and with society. It is true that society has major problems and that, in your life, you will regularly encounter predators of all stripes. And that those predators apparently enjoy comfort, success and even admiration that others find difficult to access. But on the other hand, I would feel pretty sad if it is the case that you (or anyone) are so consumed by this that you cannot find joy or purpose in your own life. Sometimes it is the more profitable strategy to realise and accept that it is very difficult or impossible for one person to fix the major and obvious failings with reality. But it is actually quite achievable, through introspection and rational thinking, to identify and modify our own reactions to those things when our reactions are negatively impacting our ability to experience a quota of joy and happiness that is sufficient to keep negative ruminations about the world to a manageable level. At the end of the day, we are just animals. And for whatever reason, nature has seen to it that we are quite capable of experiencing a reasonable amount of joy and happiness just by going through the activities required of us to sustain our lives. Breathing, drinking, eating, moving around, fighting, cooperating, resting, attempting to reproduce, and so on. If it were not so, then what would be the likelihood of our continuing to be here? Given that we must go through many years of this stuff, without giving up, in order to pass on our genetic material before we either kill ourselves or die. Have a nice day, friend.

by xwdv 5y ago

bsuvc 5y ago

> do not live up to expectations I think this might be the key. Have you heard this expression before: Disappointment = expectations - reality Unfortunately I'm not sure offhand where that saying originated, but I think it is true, at least for me. I'll spare you a lecture on it because, believe me, I'm no expert. But it is an expression I try to remind myself of from time to time to cope with people and things that might anger me.

matheusmoreira 5y ago
Nothing wrong with having expectations. Things are supposed to be good. Marriages are supposed to be forever. Justice is supposed to be done. Politicians are supposed to be honest. Governments are supposed to look out for us. Companies are supposed to provide good products and services. Obviously reality falls short of expectations no matter what we do. Enough disappointment will demoralize anyone. It will shatter their understanding of the world, their sense of right and wrong, of cause and effect. Cynicism is born when the disturbing realities become the new expectations. Cynicists expect the world to keep disappointing them.
- bsuvc 5y ago
  I didn't mean to say it was wrong to have expectations. I should have elaborated I guess, but tried to keep it short. I have high expectations for people and things that are important and close to me, and low expectations for things not as important to me or out of my control. It doesn't mean I don't care about some of those other things at all. It's just that I only have a limited amount of mental and emotional energy to spend, and I try to spend it wisely. Edit: hmm, maybe I'm sort of a cynic if I have low expectations. But I don't really think of myself that way. I try to be optimistic and focus on things I can do and not dwell on what I can't.
boltzmann_brain 5y ago
You will not be disappointed if you have no expectations.

scaramanga 5y ago

You seem to be focussing very much on the problems with other people, and with society. It is true that society has major problems and that, in your life, you will regularly encounter predators of all stripes. And that those predators apparently enjoy comfort, success and even admiration that others find difficult to access. But on the other hand, I would feel pretty sad if it is the case that you (or anyone) are so consumed by this that you cannot find joy or purpose in your own life. Sometimes it is the more profitable strategy to realise and accept that it is very difficult or impossible for one person to fix the major and obvious failings with reality. But it is actually quite achievable, through introspection and rational thinking, to identify and modify our own reactions to those things when our reactions are negatively impacting our ability to experience a quota of joy and happiness that is sufficient to keep negative ruminations about the world to a manageable level. At the end of the day, we are just animals. And for whatever reason, nature has seen to it that we are quite capable of experiencing a reasonable amount of joy and happiness just by going through the activities required of us to sustain our lives. Breathing, drinking, eating, moving around, fighting, cooperating, resting, attempting to reproduce, and so on. If it were not so, then what would be the likelihood of our continuing to be here? Given that we must go through many years of this stuff, without giving up, in order to pass on our genetic material before we either kill ourselves or die. Have a nice day, friend.