2 ms·

Brain injuries are horrible. While I don’t have a physical injury, I had an absolutely devastating psychotic break in 2018 that destroyed my entire sense of se

Brain injuries are horrible. While I don’t have a physical injury, I had an absolutely devastating psychotic break in 2018 that destroyed my entire sense of self. The connections to my memories prior to the break are extremely disconnected and haven’t recovered much. I have memories of an entire childhood I only lived in my head. I had to learn who I was again. I’m not the same person. I don’t even know the person I was before. Before the break, I used to run table-top rpgs. I found I could no longer run them. The mental capacity just wasn’t there. I still can’t work full time consistently. I average two days off per month without notice. Fortunately, my current employer is happy to work with me. I am beyond thankful none of my technical skills or abilities have been significantly impacted. They come from parts of my brain that weren’t damaged. I’m slowly recovering but the pandemic and medications for bipolar aren’t helping. But I am recovering. It’s three years later and I’m just barely managing to run an online game for some friends every two weeks. Maybe in a few years, it would be so hard.

clubsoda 5y ago
Similar position as myself in 2017. I recently graduate college and got a job as a software developer at a top 10 college. While the job was great, my boss was not. This led me into a psychotic depression and eventually surfaced my underlying OCD to the extremes. Almost five years later, I am doing much better. I found the right medicine (sertraline) after a long year of mixing and matching medicine to curve my OCD. However, I feel like I haven't fully recovered. I still question almost about every feeling, thought and action. Intrusive thoughts are an every day occurrence. I have brain fog, thoughts are scattered, constant noise in my head, and somehow developed tinnitus in the midst of all this chaos. I look back at what I was able to achieve, and keep using that as a goalpost. I get upset with myself that I am not at that level performance. I am getting to the point where I am learning to accept life for what it is, and not "looking in the rear view mirror".

clubsoda 5y ago

Similar position as myself in 2017. I recently graduate college and got a job as a software developer at a top 10 college. While the job was great, my boss was not. This led me into a psychotic depression and eventually surfaced my underlying OCD to the extremes. Almost five years later, I am doing much better. I found the right medicine (sertraline) after a long year of mixing and matching medicine to curve my OCD. However, I feel like I haven't fully recovered. I still question almost about every feeling, thought and action. Intrusive thoughts are an every day occurrence. I have brain fog, thoughts are scattered, constant noise in my head, and somehow developed tinnitus in the midst of all this chaos. I look back at what I was able to achieve, and keep using that as a goalpost. I get upset with myself that I am not at that level performance. I am getting to the point where I am learning to accept life for what it is, and not "looking in the rear view mirror".