4 ms·

Not for me (I'm in LTR), but casual dating life. Tinder is distorting the market making it "winner(s) takes it all" type

mullen 5y ago
It's always been that way. While I have never used Tinder (Been married during its existence) but when I talk to men that have used Tinder successfully and unsuccessfully, their stories sound just like my pre-Tinder dating life. To me, Tinder sounds like it just increased the velocity of success or failure.
- errantspark 5y ago
  I don't think it's always been that way, not exactly, the distribution gets less flat as people are able to make more optimized choices. https://www.nature.com/articles/s41467-021-27089-8 https://www.nature.com/articles/s41467-021-27089-8
- postsantum 5y ago
  One recurring topic on HN is how miserable people here feel reading about crypto-billionaires, IPOs, cool projects , etc. The common response is that internet made it possible to marvel at 0.0001% people in their respective fields, which wasn't so easy in the past so we shouldn't feel too bad. This advice doesn't work, of course - we are not wired to internalize it properly. The very same thing happens with dating apps - you can see the most attractive people of your city and they are just a swipe away! Robin Hanson has touched this very dangerous topic a bit https://quillette.com/2019/03/12/attraction-inequality-and-the-dating-economy/ https://quillette.com/2019/03/12/attraction-inequality-and-t...
stevenicr 5y ago
I've noticed it's not just 'casual' dating - but also relationships. Much like when the landline phone and personal automobile increased access to cheating partners.. technology / social media especially - increases access to 'better rung (like a ladder)' sex partners, relationship, social status, money, etc. - all a click / tap away, and likely coming to you via dms/pms.. I'll add that these auto-filters on cameras seem to make a lot of people, (especially girls from what I have seen, anecdotal for sure) - think they are more attractive than they really are.. which increases attention they get via insta/tik/fbk, whatever.. but also gives them false sense of where they could be in the ladder.. which leads them to discount 'average guy is good' - ads make this worst too many times. There is much more to add to this - but these things are noticeable in the data as well right? isn't like 80% of women only trying to attract the top 20% of men. with tech making it easy to have 'a grass is greener here' profile to attract, it's harder to keep a relationship in general than it used to be, even if they don't run away, I think women are less happy / take it out on the average man when they don't have the kardashian/insert reality whatever here, type of life they see others 'living their best life' on reality-social.. I don't mean to say similar affects don't occur with men vs women - I'm just pointing to what I have seen a lot of.

mullen 5y ago

It's always been that way. While I have never used Tinder (Been married during its existence) but when I talk to men that have used Tinder successfully and unsuccessfully, their stories sound just like my pre-Tinder dating life. To me, Tinder sounds like it just increased the velocity of success or failure.

errantspark 5y ago
I don't think it's always been that way, not exactly, the distribution gets less flat as people are able to make more optimized choices. https://www.nature.com/articles/s41467-021-27089-8 https://www.nature.com/articles/s41467-021-27089-8
postsantum 5y ago
One recurring topic on HN is how miserable people here feel reading about crypto-billionaires, IPOs, cool projects , etc. The common response is that internet made it possible to marvel at 0.0001% people in their respective fields, which wasn't so easy in the past so we shouldn't feel too bad. This advice doesn't work, of course - we are not wired to internalize it properly. The very same thing happens with dating apps - you can see the most attractive people of your city and they are just a swipe away! Robin Hanson has touched this very dangerous topic a bit https://quillette.com/2019/03/12/attraction-inequality-and-the-dating-economy/ https://quillette.com/2019/03/12/attraction-inequality-and-t...

stevenicr 5y ago

I've noticed it's not just 'casual' dating - but also relationships. Much like when the landline phone and personal automobile increased access to cheating partners.. technology / social media especially - increases access to 'better rung (like a ladder)' sex partners, relationship, social status, money, etc. - all a click / tap away, and likely coming to you via dms/pms.. I'll add that these auto-filters on cameras seem to make a lot of people, (especially girls from what I have seen, anecdotal for sure) - think they are more attractive than they really are.. which increases attention they get via insta/tik/fbk, whatever.. but also gives them false sense of where they could be in the ladder.. which leads them to discount 'average guy is good' - ads make this worst too many times. There is much more to add to this - but these things are noticeable in the data as well right? isn't like 80% of women only trying to attract the top 20% of men. with tech making it easy to have 'a grass is greener here' profile to attract, it's harder to keep a relationship in general than it used to be, even if they don't run away, I think women are less happy / take it out on the average man when they don't have the kardashian/insert reality whatever here, type of life they see others 'living their best life' on reality-social.. I don't mean to say similar affects don't occur with men vs women - I'm just pointing to what I have seen a lot of.