That's not really what we are discussing here. What we are talking about are preferences, and people "talking over" those preferences, for the "good" of the ot

That's not really what we are discussing here. What we are talking about are preferences, and people "talking over" those preferences, for the "good" of the other party. We can have a conversation about the costs, but we should really focus on the conversation on hand -- people have real preferences.