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Doesn’t this depend on having friends who are off the internet too? In the before times, I’d go to get drinks with friends and often found they were chronicall

Doesn’t this depend on having friends who are off the internet too? In the before times, I’d go to get drinks with friends and often found they were chronically distracted. If there’s a lull in conversation they pull out their phones. I go to the bathroom and come back and they’re swiping through Tinder. I got married before the dating apps got popular so I never went down that particular rabbit hole, but I feel like they’ve severely damaged people’s ability to pay attention to where they are and who they’re with.

gjhh244 5y ago
You can always find new friends once you start meeting people off internet. Tbh I find purely online friendships not to last long, especially now as an adult.
- hvgk 5y ago
  This. Just hit some random shit on Meetup.com that looks interesting which bridges the gap to the real world. Online social is a complete shit show. You’re spending time with peoples outward persona not real people.
raverbashing 5y ago
Of course. That's the type of "boomer solution" that a) solves nothing b) only makes sense for those who don't have that problem in the first place It goes the same way of telling "stop being sad" to depressed people or the most meaningless advice of "just be yourself".
- phone8675309 5y ago
  Or, perhaps a more charitable reading may be "if you’re not staring at a screen perhaps you’ll meet people while out and form social bonds"? If you’re very online and you’re lonely being very online then proposing that you change what you’re doing to perhaps get different results is not the same thing as "have you tried not being sad????"
  - raverbashing 5y ago
    And why do people think someone just going offline will magically start talking to people (where? with whom?) It's like telling an obese person to go exercise. It is meaningless advice. "Oh but can they figure it out right" Well, if they could maybe they wouldn't be so lonely. And even more in boomer style "just take your printed CV to McDonalds to get a job" pulling people offline might be just cutting the only social link most of them have, instead of leveraging it.
    - vorpalhex 5y ago
      If you spend all your time just mulling about online, or watching Netflix, or playing a game, then it's not surprising that you are lonely. You are engaging in solo activities that other people can't really join. It is not anymore surprising that you are overweight if you don't exercise, and especially if you aren't cooking at home ever. Cut out any drugs, go to bed at a reasonable hour, exercise, get a hobby, eat decently. If you don't know how to do those things or have medical issues preventing you, go to a doctor/therapist/personal trainer/nutritionist/life coach. No you aren't going to become a social butterfly just because you finally logged off your game, but if you try a few different organized social events (board game meetups, hiking group, whatever) you will probably start talking to a few people. If you still can't, then you need to talk to a therapist. You probably have either never developed or allowed your social skills to decay and need help to get them back on track.
      - phone8675309 5y ago
        The rest of your comment is on point and I think it’s good advice, but I wanted to respond to this: > If you spend all your time […] watching Netflix, or playing a game, then it's not surprising that you are lonely. You are engaging in solo activities that other people can't really join. The relevant qualifier here is "all your time", and I agree, all your time is bad, but these activities can be plenty social if they’re engaged in for a reasonable amount of time and with an eye toward being social. Netflix and playing games to be were vital to me keeping a social link with friend when the pandemic started. What worked for me was to do these activities in a group with friends, friends of friends, and family of friends in a group. For example, we treated NetFlix like a book club treats a book store - a source of material to discuss. We picked out movies and series and would discuss them like a book club discussed movies. Hearing the perspective of others and their understanding of the shows/movies was very interesting and it allowed expanding my social circle with people that either had similar interests or were articulate, civil, and respectful about our differences. Same for gaming - we would run social gaming nights for people that would break off into smaller groups based on gaming preferences. Did that over Discord and it worked great to break the ice and keep socializing. The key was to use these things as a backdrop to bring people together and drive engagement and let their desire to be social drive relationships. This takes active effort as opposed to binging a show alone or just queuing in another public lobby in a game. Another key was limiting time. We alternated between games and movie/series discussion every other week, and that gave everyone (especially participants with a busy work schedule or kids) time to set aside a couple of hours to watch/discuss the shows/movies or game.
OneTimePetes 5y ago
Everyone is at work. In germany if you take a walk during the daytime your looked upon as a "slacker". Friends require to be condemned to boredom together. Relationship require something called perspectives in life. Why produce spawn for a dieing world? This is what you wanted in the 70s when you demonstrated for a "humanity" capable to hold back from environmental destruction. Its a species of monks, waiting in their cells to dwindle to zero.
JohnWhigham 5y ago
If there’s a lull in conversation they pull out their phones. I despise how this behavior has been completely normalized. Especially in the dating sphere. People putting their phones on the table to make sure they never miss notifications is just so fucking disrespectful to the people you're actually with.
- SamoyedFurFluff 5y ago
  Personally I never understood it as disrespectful, because I assume they’ve got some personal shit they might not be able to be uncontactable for. What if someone they know is in the hospital or they’re in some other high priority issue? What if a close friend of theirs is in a tenuous health position? What if they’re checking on their children? And most certainly they’re not going to tell me and frankly I’m not entitled to whatever shit they’ve got going through it we’re just getting to know if we like each other broadly. I think assuming I should have dedicated time to someone who is just seeing if we get along is rather selfish of me- I don’t know their life enough to know if they have other priorities they’re trying to balance.
  - rocketbop 5y ago
    > What if someone they know is in the hospital or they’re in some other high priority issue? What if a close friend of theirs is in a tenuous health position? What if they’re checking on their children? Even if any or all of that is true you can still put your phone away. If it's an emergency someone will call you.
    - SamoyedFurFluff 5y ago
      It’s also possible you miss a call, so if you check your notifications you’ll see you did. Again, I think this is all super judge mental over something that frankly isn’t my business.
  - eldaisfish 5y ago
    there was a time before people were reachable 24/7 and at no point in that time did the world or people's lives collapse.
MeinBlutIstBlau 5y ago
[dead]

gjhh244 5y ago

You can always find new friends once you start meeting people off internet. Tbh I find purely online friendships not to last long, especially now as an adult.

hvgk 5y ago
This. Just hit some random shit on Meetup.com that looks interesting which bridges the gap to the real world. Online social is a complete shit show. You’re spending time with peoples outward persona not real people.

raverbashing 5y ago

Of course. That's the type of "boomer solution" that a) solves nothing b) only makes sense for those who don't have that problem in the first place It goes the same way of telling "stop being sad" to depressed people or the most meaningless advice of "just be yourself".

phone8675309 5y ago
Or, perhaps a more charitable reading may be "if you’re not staring at a screen perhaps you’ll meet people while out and form social bonds"? If you’re very online and you’re lonely being very online then proposing that you change what you’re doing to perhaps get different results is not the same thing as "have you tried not being sad????"
- raverbashing 5y ago
  And why do people think someone just going offline will magically start talking to people (where? with whom?) It's like telling an obese person to go exercise. It is meaningless advice. "Oh but can they figure it out right" Well, if they could maybe they wouldn't be so lonely. And even more in boomer style "just take your printed CV to McDonalds to get a job" pulling people offline might be just cutting the only social link most of them have, instead of leveraging it.
  - vorpalhex 5y ago
    If you spend all your time just mulling about online, or watching Netflix, or playing a game, then it's not surprising that you are lonely. You are engaging in solo activities that other people can't really join. It is not anymore surprising that you are overweight if you don't exercise, and especially if you aren't cooking at home ever. Cut out any drugs, go to bed at a reasonable hour, exercise, get a hobby, eat decently. If you don't know how to do those things or have medical issues preventing you, go to a doctor/therapist/personal trainer/nutritionist/life coach. No you aren't going to become a social butterfly just because you finally logged off your game, but if you try a few different organized social events (board game meetups, hiking group, whatever) you will probably start talking to a few people. If you still can't, then you need to talk to a therapist. You probably have either never developed or allowed your social skills to decay and need help to get them back on track.
    - phone8675309 5y ago
      The rest of your comment is on point and I think it’s good advice, but I wanted to respond to this: > If you spend all your time […] watching Netflix, or playing a game, then it's not surprising that you are lonely. You are engaging in solo activities that other people can't really join. The relevant qualifier here is "all your time", and I agree, all your time is bad, but these activities can be plenty social if they’re engaged in for a reasonable amount of time and with an eye toward being social. Netflix and playing games to be were vital to me keeping a social link with friend when the pandemic started. What worked for me was to do these activities in a group with friends, friends of friends, and family of friends in a group. For example, we treated NetFlix like a book club treats a book store - a source of material to discuss. We picked out movies and series and would discuss them like a book club discussed movies. Hearing the perspective of others and their understanding of the shows/movies was very interesting and it allowed expanding my social circle with people that either had similar interests or were articulate, civil, and respectful about our differences. Same for gaming - we would run social gaming nights for people that would break off into smaller groups based on gaming preferences. Did that over Discord and it worked great to break the ice and keep socializing. The key was to use these things as a backdrop to bring people together and drive engagement and let their desire to be social drive relationships. This takes active effort as opposed to binging a show alone or just queuing in another public lobby in a game. Another key was limiting time. We alternated between games and movie/series discussion every other week, and that gave everyone (especially participants with a busy work schedule or kids) time to set aside a couple of hours to watch/discuss the shows/movies or game.

OneTimePetes 5y ago

Everyone is at work. In germany if you take a walk during the daytime your looked upon as a "slacker". Friends require to be condemned to boredom together. Relationship require something called perspectives in life. Why produce spawn for a dieing world? This is what you wanted in the 70s when you demonstrated for a "humanity" capable to hold back from environmental destruction. Its a species of monks, waiting in their cells to dwindle to zero.

JohnWhigham 5y ago

If there’s a lull in conversation they pull out their phones. I despise how this behavior has been completely normalized. Especially in the dating sphere. People putting their phones on the table to make sure they never miss notifications is just so fucking disrespectful to the people you're actually with.

SamoyedFurFluff 5y ago
Personally I never understood it as disrespectful, because I assume they’ve got some personal shit they might not be able to be uncontactable for. What if someone they know is in the hospital or they’re in some other high priority issue? What if a close friend of theirs is in a tenuous health position? What if they’re checking on their children? And most certainly they’re not going to tell me and frankly I’m not entitled to whatever shit they’ve got going through it we’re just getting to know if we like each other broadly. I think assuming I should have dedicated time to someone who is just seeing if we get along is rather selfish of me- I don’t know their life enough to know if they have other priorities they’re trying to balance.
- rocketbop 5y ago
  > What if someone they know is in the hospital or they’re in some other high priority issue? What if a close friend of theirs is in a tenuous health position? What if they’re checking on their children? Even if any or all of that is true you can still put your phone away. If it's an emergency someone will call you.
  - SamoyedFurFluff 5y ago
    It’s also possible you miss a call, so if you check your notifications you’ll see you did. Again, I think this is all super judge mental over something that frankly isn’t my business.
- eldaisfish 5y ago
  there was a time before people were reachable 24/7 and at no point in that time did the world or people's lives collapse.

MeinBlutIstBlau 5y ago

[dead]