If you haven't done so already, think hard about how you feel about being a care giver. Think hard about how you'd feel if that arrangement extends 10-15 years.

If you haven't done so already, think hard about how you feel about being a care giver. Think hard about how you'd feel if that arrangement extends 10-15 years. Talk with you wife about how she feels about those topics. If you feel one way, don't assume she feels the same. Marriages can be destroyed over this very scenario. Then I'd have exactly the same conversation with each set of parents. If the parent's won't talk about it, you're going to have a very hard time. Medicine has made it possible to string out catastrophic, debilitating geriatric conditions way longer than might seem possible or just. Your parents are going to die, and it may not be quick. You need to be prepared for that possibility. Remember, there's nothing that says you must take care of anyone in old age (unless maybe if you live in Japan). You parents are adults making their own decisions and taking the consequences. Your Dad refuses to listen to you. Think about it from his perspective. Would you want to admit that you're headed for an unknown future of progressive degradation, having had a lifetime of experience seeing people on that path? Would you not want to hold on to independent, full-powered adulthood as long as possible? He's made his choice. But the consequences of his choices only become your burdens if that's what you want. This is what you'll find being a parent as well. Ultimately, your loved ones make their own choices. But where you have no control, you also have no responsibility. I highly recommend to book "Being Mortal". It tackles this exact problem and gives some real examples of approaches and how things turned out. http://atulgawande.com/book/being-mortal/ http://atulgawande.com/book/being-mortal/