6 ms·

My advice is to keep your parents moving for as long as possible. Motivation and exercise is what keeps people alive and happy. I once knew a 92 year old who b

My advice is to keep your parents moving for as long as possible. Motivation and exercise is what keeps people alive and happy. I once knew a 92 year old who benched 140lbs and who’s grip was a vice. He worked out every day for ~2 hrs. Was one of the most impressive things I’ve seen. All that said, perhaps ask them what they want? For instance, their motivation might not be meals or cleaning. Getting a maid or food service can lighten their load. Similarly, consider a cleaner for yourself! And give yourself more time to spend with them and your young family. At the end of the day, they’re their individuals. I suspect they’ll have some thoughts. It’s honestly hard to watch sometimes, but all you can do is try to spend time and enjoy each other’s company.

snarf21 5y ago
Yeah, I think the best thing for this situation is to pay someone to stop by for an hour a day. Probably around breakfast time or lunch. They can make sure they are eating and taking their pills. They can be someone to talk to and something to look forward to. That person can also be someone who can notice if someone is limping a bit or looks "off". Obviously this is expensive but could be a reasonable middle ground to a facility.
thesuitonym 5y ago
Yep, keep him moving, and check on him frequently. At least a daily phone call, but the more you can visit in person, the better.
geoduck14 5y ago
Keep moving! Yes! Also, emotional health is important. Many elderly people die of loneliness. If one parent dies, be VERY vigilant about getting the other into a situation where he/she has friends.
- wuunderbar 5y ago
  > Many elderly people die of loneliness. How does this work exactly? Medically speaking.
  - m_fayer 5y ago
    Depression -> not eating -> weakness -> accident or opportunistic infectious disease. It's also underappreciated how often depression in the elderly can lead to confusion or even psychosis. Which can also lead to a fatal accident.
- spookthesunset 5y ago
  > Many elderly people die of loneliness. Good thing society banned people from visiting their relatives in nursing homes and assisted living facilities. We sentenced the oldest in our population to die in what amounts to solitary confinement.
  - jlokier 5y ago
    Video calls weren't banned, so it wasn't as bad as for people that nobody calls at all.
    - accountofme 5y ago
      Video calls are not the same. Never will be, we like to see our loved ones, hug them, seeing them on a screen is nice, but it is not the same.
      - jlokier 5y ago
        I agree with you. But it is dismissive to those people with nobody at all in their lives, to equate "got calls instead of in-person visits" with "nobody knows or cares about you and you will never receive a call from anyone for the rest of your life". The GGP conflated those experiences but they are qualitatively different. I'm fully in favour of visiting the old people in your life. But I wish people would also spend some time brightening the lives of other old people as well.
  - geoduck14 5y ago
    I don't understand why you are getting down voted. You are dead on. My wife worked with geriatrics. She directly saw the impact of having friendly people around the elderly. Even if you aren't visited by your family, any visitors can help. The pandemic made this especially difficult. My wife worked to overcome this: she partnered with a local "sniff" (think: old people left the hospital, but they need some help before they go home, so they go to an old-people hotel) to have fun events where people from our church would visit the elderly and just have fun. Please visit the old people in your life.
- satori99 5y ago
  I watched a TV documentary recently that was making a serious attempt at addressing this problem in Australian society. It was about older people in nursing homes who were sent to pre-school, with unrelated children a few days a week. The effect on these senior citizens heath and quality of life was profound. Old People's Home For 4 Year Olds https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13_rJVvxx_g https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13_rJVvxx_g
  - geoduck14 5y ago
    Yup. I believe it. Consider, also: not all old people are mobile enough to leave their home (or even bed!). They need friends and happy people. If you work with elderly, please be friendly. If you know elderly, please be friendly to them.
crispyambulance 5y ago
One major thing you have to worry about with octogenarians is falls. There are all sorts of injuries related to falls but the worst one is to break a hip. It can happen very easily. When old folks break a hip, it sets off a chain of consequences that are really, really bad for their health and quality of life. To begin with, it immediately requires hospitalization and major surgery. Then, a period of immobilization starting with a "short term" stay in a nursing home followed by weeks of rehabilitation. During all that time, they're susceptible to many different complications. It's basically the beginning of the end for many. This happened to my mother. In the course of 3 years: broken hip, stroke, and UTI followed by near-fatal sepsis (which precipitated dementia). After all that she lost the ability to walk and we had to put her in a skilled nursing facility for the rest of her life. Best thing you can do is to make sure you get advice from an elder-care attorney about end-of-life problems and financial planning. There can be dire financial consequences for the family if any money is transferred from the elderly to family members within 5 years of going on medical assistance (thanks to George W Bush's "deficit reduction act" of 2005).
- ta93754829 5y ago
  i just want to say, I concur with this sentiment. A fall and "simple broken hip", unfortunately is usually the beginning of the end. Sadly I've witnessed it several times. It just kicks off a chain reaction of events that leads to most old people not coming back from it.
- dsizzle 5y ago
  Yes, a fall also was the beginning of the end for my uncle. My mom also had a (non-hip-related) fall and that resulted in a hospital and nursing home stay (fortunately she seems to have recovered for the most part). I read this illustrated aging-parent-focused autobiography lately https://www.theguardian.com/books/2014/jul/13/cant-we-talk-about-something-more-pleasant-review-roz-chast-hilarious https://www.theguardian.com/books/2014/jul/13/cant-we-talk-a... (by Roz Chast, a New Yorker cartoonist) and it was very much about these issues, and her mom had several falls as well.
  - nikisweeting 5y ago

snarf21 5y ago

Yeah, I think the best thing for this situation is to pay someone to stop by for an hour a day. Probably around breakfast time or lunch. They can make sure they are eating and taking their pills. They can be someone to talk to and something to look forward to. That person can also be someone who can notice if someone is limping a bit or looks "off". Obviously this is expensive but could be a reasonable middle ground to a facility.

thesuitonym 5y ago

Yep, keep him moving, and check on him frequently. At least a daily phone call, but the more you can visit in person, the better.

geoduck14 5y ago

Keep moving! Yes! Also, emotional health is important. Many elderly people die of loneliness. If one parent dies, be VERY vigilant about getting the other into a situation where he/she has friends.

wuunderbar 5y ago
> Many elderly people die of loneliness. How does this work exactly? Medically speaking.
- m_fayer 5y ago
  Depression -> not eating -> weakness -> accident or opportunistic infectious disease. It's also underappreciated how often depression in the elderly can lead to confusion or even psychosis. Which can also lead to a fatal accident.
spookthesunset 5y ago
> Many elderly people die of loneliness. Good thing society banned people from visiting their relatives in nursing homes and assisted living facilities. We sentenced the oldest in our population to die in what amounts to solitary confinement.
- jlokier 5y ago
  Video calls weren't banned, so it wasn't as bad as for people that nobody calls at all.
  - accountofme 5y ago
    Video calls are not the same. Never will be, we like to see our loved ones, hug them, seeing them on a screen is nice, but it is not the same.
    - jlokier 5y ago
      I agree with you. But it is dismissive to those people with nobody at all in their lives, to equate "got calls instead of in-person visits" with "nobody knows or cares about you and you will never receive a call from anyone for the rest of your life". The GGP conflated those experiences but they are qualitatively different. I'm fully in favour of visiting the old people in your life. But I wish people would also spend some time brightening the lives of other old people as well.
- geoduck14 5y ago
  I don't understand why you are getting down voted. You are dead on. My wife worked with geriatrics. She directly saw the impact of having friendly people around the elderly. Even if you aren't visited by your family, any visitors can help. The pandemic made this especially difficult. My wife worked to overcome this: she partnered with a local "sniff" (think: old people left the hospital, but they need some help before they go home, so they go to an old-people hotel) to have fun events where people from our church would visit the elderly and just have fun. Please visit the old people in your life.
satori99 5y ago
I watched a TV documentary recently that was making a serious attempt at addressing this problem in Australian society. It was about older people in nursing homes who were sent to pre-school, with unrelated children a few days a week. The effect on these senior citizens heath and quality of life was profound. Old People's Home For 4 Year Olds https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13_rJVvxx_g https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13_rJVvxx_g
- geoduck14 5y ago
  Yup. I believe it. Consider, also: not all old people are mobile enough to leave their home (or even bed!). They need friends and happy people. If you work with elderly, please be friendly. If you know elderly, please be friendly to them.

crispyambulance 5y ago

One major thing you have to worry about with octogenarians is falls. There are all sorts of injuries related to falls but the worst one is to break a hip. It can happen very easily. When old folks break a hip, it sets off a chain of consequences that are really, really bad for their health and quality of life. To begin with, it immediately requires hospitalization and major surgery. Then, a period of immobilization starting with a "short term" stay in a nursing home followed by weeks of rehabilitation. During all that time, they're susceptible to many different complications. It's basically the beginning of the end for many. This happened to my mother. In the course of 3 years: broken hip, stroke, and UTI followed by near-fatal sepsis (which precipitated dementia). After all that she lost the ability to walk and we had to put her in a skilled nursing facility for the rest of her life. Best thing you can do is to make sure you get advice from an elder-care attorney about end-of-life problems and financial planning. There can be dire financial consequences for the family if any money is transferred from the elderly to family members within 5 years of going on medical assistance (thanks to George W Bush's "deficit reduction act" of 2005).

ta93754829 5y ago
i just want to say, I concur with this sentiment. A fall and "simple broken hip", unfortunately is usually the beginning of the end. Sadly I've witnessed it several times. It just kicks off a chain reaction of events that leads to most old people not coming back from it.
dsizzle 5y ago
Yes, a fall also was the beginning of the end for my uncle. My mom also had a (non-hip-related) fall and that resulted in a hospital and nursing home stay (fortunately she seems to have recovered for the most part). I read this illustrated aging-parent-focused autobiography lately https://www.theguardian.com/books/2014/jul/13/cant-we-talk-about-something-more-pleasant-review-roz-chast-hilarious https://www.theguardian.com/books/2014/jul/13/cant-we-talk-a... (by Roz Chast, a New Yorker cartoonist) and it was very much about these issues, and her mom had several falls as well.
- nikisweeting 5y ago