9 ms·

Interesting example, but for me it is the exact opposite. Please be brief and to the point, I do not care if you (pretend) to care about my dog.

kolbusa 5y ago
Skip the dog part, but please please please try put as much details in the first IM as opposed to starting with 'hey'.
- InvaderFizz 5y ago
  And please, please, do not start with "Hi Name", send that, then proceed to spend the next five minutes typing your message. It is just fine to lead with hi, as long as it arrives at the same time as everything else.
- roydivision 5y ago
  I reply with this link when people do that to me : https://nohello.net/ https://nohello.net/ They learn quickly.
  - geocrasher 5y ago
    I wish I'd remembered that. I actually used that in my training at one point!
  - novok 5y ago
    It's rude to just reply with that, but to put it in your status and to ask them politely afterwards usually works way better.
    - urthor 5y ago
      You should cultivate a relationship where you aren't afraid of being to the point. I haven't got time in my life to carefully and delicately walk around people's feelings with every single small work matter. If someone takes something like a link to nohello very personally, you've got to fix that relationship.
      - novok 5y ago
        You often do not have a relationship with people who don't know about your nohello.net thing, because your getting support questions, and you cannot cultivate a relationship with everyone. So in the spirit of being direct, your attitude has probably caused issues in your personal life and career that you are not aware of, and has probably created a reputation in your company as 'the grumpy/rude one'. It's not that much more work to be polite and your attitude probably spreads to other actions in your work.
  - BrandoElFollito 5y ago
    You may also want to learn that using a hello before going further (or at least separated from the rest of the im) is a way to make sure your are comfortable having the message pop up on your screen. You would learn fast when you have someone looking at your screen and receiving "have you slept with Jenny yet?", or "you should not have called Jack a dick" when Jack is with you.
    - jacquesm 5y ago
      The lesson to learn from that is that you shouldn't stick your nose in other peoples' business.
    - IggleSniggle 5y ago
      …this is insanity. If you have someone looking over your shoulder, you silencing all notifications. But why would you send crazy gossip like that anyway? Please just keep things work related so we can all focus on producing results.
      - bryanrasmussen 5y ago
        we work hard and we play hard, together! that can mean working 14 hour days, together! but it's ok we are all one big happy family, we choose our own families, we are together. This company IS my life! Please keep all messages strictly work related!
      - BrandoElFollito 5y ago
        > you silencing all notifications Good luck with that when you have 5 or 10 messaging systems. > But why would you send crazy gossip like that anyway? It was obviously to show an extreme. replace this with confidential business information and there you are.
webdood90 5y ago
God forbid your colleagues attempt to socialize with you. You might as well be a robot to them.
- jacquesm 5y ago
  Yes, but some of us have work to do and if you communicate in installments instead of just coming to the point it will take five interruptions instead of one interruption to get you unstuck.
- anthropodie 5y ago
  I am exactly like parent. I just can't do the small talk. Get to the point already is my attitude whole life. It's not that I don't care about others well being or their dog, I do. It's just that when someone asks me I always tell them I am fine even if I am not. I don't want to bother them with my troubles. And I assume they have similar mental process which recently I have come to realize is not true.
  - fowlie 5y ago
    > And I assume they have similar mental process which recently I have come to realize is not true. How did you realize it? I'm asking because you sound a lot like myself.
    - anthropodie 5y ago
      Multiple failed relationships, I am afraid. We are all same but there are also some fundamental differences in how people process certain experiences. Some people care a lot about others while others might care less about others or some might not care at all and I think that changes perception of reality drastically of each person. And that's just one parameter, empathy. In reality, there could 100s of parameters shaping an individual's perception resulting in so many variations and so many misunderstandings. People usually project there own good/bad traits on others like I used to think that people think like me which is far from reality. But I think these differences are absolutely needed and the evolution kind of selected this approach for the world to move forward. Also, even if this world had come this far with only 1 trait I believe it would have been pretty boring place to be.
heurisko 5y ago
The example appeared to overemphasise the "small talk" part, in practice it is usually boiled down to "I hope you had a good weekend..." on Mondays, or "I hope you are well..." on other days of the week.
onion2k 5y ago
I do not care if you (pretend) to care about my dog. 99% of people would prefer their colleagues talk to them in a friendly, humanizing way after spending 7 or 8 hours a day on their own though. On the whole people are social animals, and we get depressed when we're 'forced' to spend time alone, or even in groups if the group is exclusively focused on a task. There are people who don't want that social aspect in their work life for various reasons, but they're unusual. The advice here is aimed at most people, not you specifically.
seer 5y ago
While I usually prefer the brief message as well one tenant of remote work that I learned a while back is “better to over-communicate than to under communicate. Adding a bit of context to your messages might seem like unnecessary padding, but people loose context, multitask, and read stuff asynchronously. Restoring that context helps a lot. As for the small talk, I think its very important what information you communicate. If you say “how was your weekend” what you usually are communicating is “I have no idea who you are, and want to warm up to your graces so you are more likely to do the work I actually want you to do” People hate that. But if you ask them “how is your dog doing? I’ve heard it got its ear bit off that time hope they’re ok” Now you’ve communicated “I’m actually interested in who you are as a person, and what your life is. The work bit is nice to have but secondary” People do pick up on that, especially if you do it _without_ work requests from time to time. You trigger all the “they are part of my tribe” responses and will get your answers much quicker later. It’s just very important to care about the people behind the handles and avatars, and establish connections with them.
- locallost 5y ago
  I worked very briefly with someone who said the same: better to over-communicate. In practice this meant that they liked to write a lot, and not really read.
  - seer 5y ago
    You are correct. I also do like to write, though I don’t think I’ve reduced my reading by any means. Writing itself is an art form. Its important to have tldr; sections, to consider your audience and not to just braindump and call it a day. At the end of the day though most orgs live or die by how aligned are their members, and how tenacious they are. Both of which require information to flow through it. And I think its way easier to tone things down/ignore/filter if you have too much than to try to infer “what other people actually mean”.

kolbusa 5y ago

Skip the dog part, but please please please try put as much details in the first IM as opposed to starting with 'hey'.

InvaderFizz 5y ago
And please, please, do not start with "Hi Name", send that, then proceed to spend the next five minutes typing your message. It is just fine to lead with hi, as long as it arrives at the same time as everything else.
roydivision 5y ago
I reply with this link when people do that to me : https://nohello.net/ https://nohello.net/ They learn quickly.
- geocrasher 5y ago
  I wish I'd remembered that. I actually used that in my training at one point!
- novok 5y ago
  It's rude to just reply with that, but to put it in your status and to ask them politely afterwards usually works way better.
  - urthor 5y ago
    You should cultivate a relationship where you aren't afraid of being to the point. I haven't got time in my life to carefully and delicately walk around people's feelings with every single small work matter. If someone takes something like a link to nohello very personally, you've got to fix that relationship.
    - novok 5y ago
      You often do not have a relationship with people who don't know about your nohello.net thing, because your getting support questions, and you cannot cultivate a relationship with everyone. So in the spirit of being direct, your attitude has probably caused issues in your personal life and career that you are not aware of, and has probably created a reputation in your company as 'the grumpy/rude one'. It's not that much more work to be polite and your attitude probably spreads to other actions in your work.
- BrandoElFollito 5y ago
  You may also want to learn that using a hello before going further (or at least separated from the rest of the im) is a way to make sure your are comfortable having the message pop up on your screen. You would learn fast when you have someone looking at your screen and receiving "have you slept with Jenny yet?", or "you should not have called Jack a dick" when Jack is with you.
  - jacquesm 5y ago
    The lesson to learn from that is that you shouldn't stick your nose in other peoples' business.
  - IggleSniggle 5y ago
    …this is insanity. If you have someone looking over your shoulder, you silencing all notifications. But why would you send crazy gossip like that anyway? Please just keep things work related so we can all focus on producing results.
    - bryanrasmussen 5y ago
      we work hard and we play hard, together! that can mean working 14 hour days, together! but it's ok we are all one big happy family, we choose our own families, we are together. This company IS my life! Please keep all messages strictly work related!
    - BrandoElFollito 5y ago
      > you silencing all notifications Good luck with that when you have 5 or 10 messaging systems. > But why would you send crazy gossip like that anyway? It was obviously to show an extreme. replace this with confidential business information and there you are.

webdood90 5y ago

God forbid your colleagues attempt to socialize with you. You might as well be a robot to them.

jacquesm 5y ago
Yes, but some of us have work to do and if you communicate in installments instead of just coming to the point it will take five interruptions instead of one interruption to get you unstuck.
anthropodie 5y ago
I am exactly like parent. I just can't do the small talk. Get to the point already is my attitude whole life. It's not that I don't care about others well being or their dog, I do. It's just that when someone asks me I always tell them I am fine even if I am not. I don't want to bother them with my troubles. And I assume they have similar mental process which recently I have come to realize is not true.
- fowlie 5y ago
  > And I assume they have similar mental process which recently I have come to realize is not true. How did you realize it? I'm asking because you sound a lot like myself.
  - anthropodie 5y ago
    Multiple failed relationships, I am afraid. We are all same but there are also some fundamental differences in how people process certain experiences. Some people care a lot about others while others might care less about others or some might not care at all and I think that changes perception of reality drastically of each person. And that's just one parameter, empathy. In reality, there could 100s of parameters shaping an individual's perception resulting in so many variations and so many misunderstandings. People usually project there own good/bad traits on others like I used to think that people think like me which is far from reality. But I think these differences are absolutely needed and the evolution kind of selected this approach for the world to move forward. Also, even if this world had come this far with only 1 trait I believe it would have been pretty boring place to be.

heurisko 5y ago

The example appeared to overemphasise the "small talk" part, in practice it is usually boiled down to "I hope you had a good weekend..." on Mondays, or "I hope you are well..." on other days of the week.

onion2k 5y ago

I do not care if you (pretend) to care about my dog. 99% of people would prefer their colleagues talk to them in a friendly, humanizing way after spending 7 or 8 hours a day on their own though. On the whole people are social animals, and we get depressed when we're 'forced' to spend time alone, or even in groups if the group is exclusively focused on a task. There are people who don't want that social aspect in their work life for various reasons, but they're unusual. The advice here is aimed at most people, not you specifically.

seer 5y ago

While I usually prefer the brief message as well one tenant of remote work that I learned a while back is “better to over-communicate than to under communicate. Adding a bit of context to your messages might seem like unnecessary padding, but people loose context, multitask, and read stuff asynchronously. Restoring that context helps a lot. As for the small talk, I think its very important what information you communicate. If you say “how was your weekend” what you usually are communicating is “I have no idea who you are, and want to warm up to your graces so you are more likely to do the work I actually want you to do” People hate that. But if you ask them “how is your dog doing? I’ve heard it got its ear bit off that time hope they’re ok” Now you’ve communicated “I’m actually interested in who you are as a person, and what your life is. The work bit is nice to have but secondary” People do pick up on that, especially if you do it _without_ work requests from time to time. You trigger all the “they are part of my tribe” responses and will get your answers much quicker later. It’s just very important to care about the people behind the handles and avatars, and establish connections with them.

locallost 5y ago
I worked very briefly with someone who said the same: better to over-communicate. In practice this meant that they liked to write a lot, and not really read.
- seer 5y ago
  You are correct. I also do like to write, though I don’t think I’ve reduced my reading by any means. Writing itself is an art form. Its important to have tldr; sections, to consider your audience and not to just braindump and call it a day. At the end of the day though most orgs live or die by how aligned are their members, and how tenacious they are. Both of which require information to flow through it. And I think its way easier to tone things down/ignore/filter if you have too much than to try to infer “what other people actually mean”.