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Absolutely feel this. As my own kids grow up I think over decisions my parents made (missed events and cancelled vacations over extremely low-stakes work issues

Absolutely feel this. As my own kids grow up I think over decisions my parents made (missed events and cancelled vacations over extremely low-stakes work issues) and feel more and more alienated from their way of thinking.

gamechangr 5y ago
Im afraid of repeating the mistakes my parents made with my kids.
- AnimalMuppet 5y ago
  Mistakes come in pairs, though. If you try too hard to avoid making one mistake, you make the opposite mistake. Absent parents vs helicopter parents. Disciplinarian vs. too permissive. Et cetera... So, yes, don't make the mistakes your parents made. And you have to work at that, because what you saw is the default setting for your own parenting. But don't overcorrect, either.
- serverlessmom 5y ago
  I think it's important to really identify your values, and also to just be able to name 'hey here's what I wish had happened for me as a kid' is a big step <3
- sjg007 5y ago
  "Cat's in the cradle"
mlac 5y ago
In hindsight the events may seem like low-stakes issues, but who knows their financial situation at the time and how they viewed the risk of missing the work issue. Maybe they genuinely were addicted to work, maybe they over-estimated the importance of the item at the time, maybe they honestly thought it could impact their job and in some twisted way thought that working more was the right thing to do for you (e.g. to maintain lifestyle). I think everyone at this point is alienated from pre-pandemic ways of thinking about work, so it’s hard to put those past decisions in context given today’s circumstances. You are closer to the situation and probably right to question their way of thinking, but I’m writing this response because I could see your comment building resentment. People generally try to do the best they can (though some people just don’t). If they are still alive, can you ask them why they worked so much when you were a kid?

gamechangr 5y ago

Im afraid of repeating the mistakes my parents made with my kids.

AnimalMuppet 5y ago
Mistakes come in pairs, though. If you try too hard to avoid making one mistake, you make the opposite mistake. Absent parents vs helicopter parents. Disciplinarian vs. too permissive. Et cetera... So, yes, don't make the mistakes your parents made. And you have to work at that, because what you saw is the default setting for your own parenting. But don't overcorrect, either.
serverlessmom 5y ago
I think it's important to really identify your values, and also to just be able to name 'hey here's what I wish had happened for me as a kid' is a big step <3
sjg007 5y ago
"Cat's in the cradle"

mlac 5y ago

In hindsight the events may seem like low-stakes issues, but who knows their financial situation at the time and how they viewed the risk of missing the work issue. Maybe they genuinely were addicted to work, maybe they over-estimated the importance of the item at the time, maybe they honestly thought it could impact their job and in some twisted way thought that working more was the right thing to do for you (e.g. to maintain lifestyle). I think everyone at this point is alienated from pre-pandemic ways of thinking about work, so it’s hard to put those past decisions in context given today’s circumstances. You are closer to the situation and probably right to question their way of thinking, but I’m writing this response because I could see your comment building resentment. People generally try to do the best they can (though some people just don’t). If they are still alive, can you ask them why they worked so much when you were a kid?