4 ms·
Like you, I have never desired a space/time to just "let it all out" emotionally. That being said, there are times I want to really dig deep on a specific thin
by BitwiseFool 5y ago
Like you, I have never desired a space/time to just "let it all out" emotionally.
That being said, there are times I want to really dig deep on a specific thing that is troubling me and I usually just rely on a small cadre of confidants when that happens. And, stereotypically enough, those confidants are all men and we end up "working the problem" rather quickly after the initial exchange of describing how I feel. This, I'm told, is the exact opposite of how you're supposed to listen to someone's problems.
However I know that my personal preference is not universal and doing the 'listen and refrain from offering suggestions' approach is much more comforting for most people.
- irrational 5y agoThis is probably a part of it. It took me far too long to learn that my wife had no interest in solving her problems and truly just wanted to talk about them while I listened. I still don't understand why she, or anyone else, would consider that helpful, but for some reason she does. Like you, if there is an issue I just want to troubleshoot it and move on. There is no practical use in just talking about it without action.
- carabiner 5y agoAre you on the autism spectrum? The hyper-logical, "feelings are a waste of time" persona makes me lean towards yes.
- irrational 5y agoI have no idea. I’ve never been diagnosed as such if I am.
- throwaway19937 5y agoIf you want an explanation of your wife's behavior, the book You Just Don't Understand by Deborah Tannen discusses this topic in detail.
- pseudalopex 5y agoI never heard anyone say don't work on a problem if someone wants you to. What I heard was don't assume everyone wants it.