If you think about yourself as the cynical, pessimistic, humorless guy, then that is what you will project. Many people find passions fascinating, even if it's

If you think about yourself as the cynical, pessimistic, humorless guy, then that is what you will project. Many people find passions fascinating, even if it's something they themselves are not directly interested in. But if it surrounded by a dark cloud, even the most relatable conversation topics will be draining. Misery loves company, and if you are a negative person you will only find other negative people in the long run. Humor is a learnable skill, but it needs to be practiced with people. My number one tip in this area is that if a group doesn't laugh at a joke the first time, they will not laugh the second time. My observation of many awkward people is they over emphasize delivery in humor, and think that if they say the joke the louder the second time, then people will laugh. That is usually false. They heard the first time, and were polite enough to move the conversation forward while overlooking your faux pas. Don't expect that kindness a second time. Social personality is just as hackable as any other part of your life, but people are afraid to do it because they feel like they will lose themselves. You might lose yourself, but you may just as easily discover a new self that you like much more. At that same time, those traits that you use to describe yourself may actually be symptoms of depression or other unresolved issues. Talk to a therapist either way, they can help with developing skills, and may help you resolve those things that force your thoughts to darker places. Changing takes a large amount of self-reflection that is next to impossible to do alone. Therapists are going to be a better resource than any quack youtube channel or self help guru peddling Sigma mindset or confidence building bullshit. Finally, look to better yourself in all social context, not just romantic scenarios. People can tell you are being performative, and will notice that you act one way towards them and another towards others, and may see this as a red flag.